August 8, 2010 5:59 pm at 5:59 pm #592114
This is going to be my last year in high school (12 th grade)and so far no one is “close” in class. We all say hi and bye to each other but i always feel that there is something in the air preventing us from becoming good friends. i and a couple of girls from my small class were discussing the “issue” and didnt know what to do about it. i am sure that we would all like to graduate together and happily but some of us dont know how to accomplish that.
any suggestions?August 8, 2010 7:00 pm at 7:00 pm #705140ELLMember
I taught twelfth grade in a small bais yaakov high school for over twenty years, and I never encountered a class that did not become weepy and nostalgic by the time the year drew to a close. Unless there are some serious, underlying issues with your class, this will happen to yours as well!!
There are so many opportunities for collaborative activities in twelfth grade–yearbook, senior trip, concert, chaggiga (and whatever else is relevant in your particular school)–that naturally, you are going to bond by the end of the year. Some practical suggestions: individual or monthly class birthday parties? “forced” interaction around the yomim tovim with random pairs but in which everyone participates regarding some activity (candygrams for Rosh Hashana, mishloach manos, etc.)?
B’Hatzlacha!August 8, 2010 11:45 pm at 11:45 pm #705141
yes, that is what im hoping will happen, that we will all become closer as we are all getting ready to graduate together, but could it be harder if there are certain “cliques” who dont interact with the other girls in class and new girls who just joined the class? i cant believe im saying this buts its true unfortunately. how is it possible to break certain cliques? sometimes i just give up and not worry about the other girls if they dont want to talk with the rest of us but now im starting to worry since we are all coming to the end.August 9, 2010 4:08 am at 4:08 am #705142smartcookieMember
My class was like that. We really weren’t too close with each others. Even the last day wasn’t THAT emotional!
However, once we were out, and working, and getting married, we really started missing each others, believe it or not!
We look oh so forward to our annual class reunion and that is when the nostalgia comes!
And cliques? All girls belonging to cliques, even the biggest snobs, become much friendlier when they grow up a little. Everyone matures at some point. Many of them leave their cliques because it doesn’t work for them as they move on in life, and many girls stay very close knit but also become friendlier with others.August 9, 2010 2:06 pm at 2:06 pm #705143dunnoMember
12th grade is the year that everyone seems to become friends. I hope it’ll happen by you too.August 9, 2010 2:26 pm at 2:26 pm #705144HennyKMember
There is a certain relationship you have with your classmates that is just there because you eat lunch and sit in class togather. Once you leave school and you don’t have those factores you are going to need something much stronger to keep you togather.
I can’t tell you what to do with your class, but i can tell you what to do!
You need to make a relationship with each girl that is going to last. (Don’t have to become best freinds, but enough that you should have no problem calling her to ask a question, shmoozing for atleast 10 minutes, and give ACCURATE information) You can chose one girl per day to tell her hi or whatever. Remember when you have questions regarding schoolwork, make turns, call a diff girl each time!
Hope you have a wonderful year and enjoy while it lasts as it does not last forever!August 9, 2010 5:18 pm at 5:18 pm #705145aries2756Participant
The way to accomplish this is to sit down with the mechanechet of the class and work with her or whomever is head of the 12th grade and mix and match girls for the upcoming projects. Don’t put girls from cliques together for the various yearbook staffs. Don’t put them together for the various trips, chagigas, etc. that the 12th grade works on. Keep mixing and matching the girls throughout the year so everyone gets to spend some time and work together with other girls. By the end of the year, you should all at least be friends with each other, if not best friends with each other. There will be a ruach going through you that belongs to Seniors and has nothing to do with cliques or anything else. YOU all belong to the club called SENIORS.August 9, 2010 6:22 pm at 6:22 pm #705146blinkyParticipant
I remember in my 12th grade i felt also there was not so much achdus yet as the years went on and girls got married, ppl got together by weddings and it was really so special. Everyone was catching up with each other and talking about their jobs… i found out that if you make an effort to go out to classmates weddings it really is a great way to bring back the “togetherness” of your grade- after all you did spend 4 years with them. b’hatzlacha!August 10, 2010 12:05 am at 12:05 am #705147tomim tihyeMember
Aries: We had a 10th grade teacher who mixed and matched girls for various projects. Everyone felt whether their partnership was welcomed by her partner; it didn’t do any good.August 10, 2010 12:32 am at 12:32 am #705148
thank you. im really hoping for the best.
tomim tihye- Its so true. Whenever our mechanechet/teacher tried to mix and match it never really worked. One girl always ended up doing the project/work for both of them.
I also sometimes think that some of our teachers are oblivious to what is going on in our class. Especially our mechanechet. She is very young and i dont think she herself knows how to deal with the situation. Since she and her family is close with one of the girls family who is part of the clique in the class i sometimes feel like the mechanechet doesnt want to cause any discomfort to the girl. Dont you also think its kind of babyish to be having cliques in 12th grade?
Its also stressing for the other mature girls who are not part of the cliques because they want to be friends with everyone in class. Sometimes to make my life a little easier i try not to worry so much about the girls in their cliques by not inviting them over etc. But then i feel like im also distancing myself from them and making the problem worse. Am i doing the right or the wrong thing?August 10, 2010 5:01 am at 5:01 am #705149kapustaParticipant
Dont you also think its kind of babyish to be having cliques in 12th grade?
Rule, there are some people who thrive in a cliquey relationship, and don’t give it up. As odd, and totally immature it might seem to the people looking in, that’s the way it is. Maybe its like an ego thing, like “I have something you dont…”?!
About the OP, I know there are some classes that got together and made shtick so that way, when it came time for weddings, no one needed to rent (something I’m assuming that would come in handy when a girl gets married after some friends are already married and paying rent), and maybe something more specific to the class instead of the standard fare. Another idea might be to set up a system where when Girl A gets engaged, Girls B, C, D are in charge of a shower/shtick. When Girl C gets engaged, Girls A, B, D do. Maybe doing something along those lines would get the idea that you as a class have a special bond and would strengthen it.
Good Luck!September 12, 2010 11:50 pm at 11:50 pm #705150yolkMember
i really aprove of your sugestion that you offer but the issue is that many girls when receiving that phone call from a random but friendly girl would be takenaback and i know i would feel complimented but just strange, don’t you think???
but ihope you all know that unfortuantely there will always be cliques out in the world- just try to cherish the time you have with your friends and just be friendly to everyone is my wisdomSeptember 13, 2010 1:28 am at 1:28 am #705151SacrilegeMember
2 things you have to realize is that:
1- Life goes on after High School, I know it seems like thats all that matters right now but you move on and you go to Seminary, College, Work… you make new friends and you have a whole life in front of you, with new friends and new opportunities.
2- When you are in High School everyone is trying to find out who they are, once you leave thats when you REALLY figure these things out. Girls who were your best friends then can totally change and girls who you thought you had nothing in common with can become your biggest support.
Just keep an open mind, its not the end of the world if you dont have a BEST friend, remember its only one year and then your on to bigger and better.September 16, 2010 8:42 pm at 8:42 pm #705152rebdonielMember
Cliques? It is amazing how social psychology doesn;t seem to differ all that much among Yidden and goyim when one hears of such things, r’l. One should have ahavas yisroel for all Yidden and try to get along with everyone, as I did.October 31, 2010 10:32 pm at 10:32 pm #705153nebsroxMember
I’m in 11th grade + graduating,
I live montreal + we x have 12th grade.
We do have a few grps of friends, sorta cliks
Were abt 28 + we have 3/4 grps.
But all together we r friends, we just had a shabbaton this week
+ I hung w ppl that rnt my best friends, every meal I sat w diff ppl + had a blast.
All of our senior + yearbook jobs were given to us last year + its picked by talent,
So I’m w 1 close friend + 2 randoms + our job is lakewood shabbos + grad trip.
All thru grds 9-11 we go up north for a shabbaton + the girls in charge in 11th set up the seating for each meal,
So again in the past 2 yrs every meal I sat w diff ppl + had an awesome time.
Most of our classes r in diff splits
We have A + B – regular
C + D – for eng since gr 8 + was math till 10th
Math – high + 2 lows
Chumash – high + low
Novi – 2 high + low
Ivris – high + low since 9th
I x no if this helped
P.S: were 57 in the grd kinayinhora + I can say that I no abt 35 of them
I think that’s pretty good, or msaybe even 40 or 45October 31, 2010 11:06 pm at 11:06 pm #705154popa_bar_abbaParticipant
Why? What is the problem? You really don’t care about each other. You’ve been together for 3 years and still are holding by first month of school.
Now you want to be friends because you think it’s nebby to not be close coming out of high school? What kind of friendship is going to come out of ulterior motives like that?November 1, 2010 12:32 am at 12:32 am #705155Brooklyn YentaParticipant
nebsrox: please keep your texting to your phone. i got a headache reading your post.
sac: i totally agree with you. part of growing up is going out into the world, meeting new people, forming new friendships. while i do still have some friends from school, they aren’t my closest friends today.
ilc: while your current life revolves around these girls, your life will iy”h change drastically in the next year, and you won’t need those same types of friendships. when you’re in your last year of school, you can’t imagine life without spending most of your waking moments with these girls. i promise you, you’ll be so busy making new friends, people who won’t judge you by which clique you belong to, that your high school classmates will fade into the background of your thoughts.November 1, 2010 2:14 am at 2:14 am #705156WiseWomanMember
pick one or two girls and make that friendship last. make ur own little clique if you have to. another idea is each erev shabbos you should have shabbos grams that someone has to send to each other. another idea is called friendship day. you have your grade level advisor pair up each girl and every opportunity they have they sit together and get to know each other. you do this until every girl has been paired up with a few different girls and see how the bond can grow strong from that
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.