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I am sure many people receive invitations and ask themselves who are these people and/or why am I being invited? Sometimes I receive invitations from people I know but often decide not to attend. The last couple of simchas I attended the full affair I asked myself again why am I here? The chasan and kallah delight in their friends being m’sameach them, and the parents who sent the invitation understandablt give scant attention to those other than their close friends and relatives. My suggestion isn’t new: let’s stop the wedding madness by attending those simchas for whom it has true meaning for you to be there. You know whom you are close to. I don’t think anyone really enjoys being crushes in a sardine-packed circle or spending an evening eating out and then rushing off because it’s so late.
Why are you feeling pressure to go to weddings you were invited as a formality but aren’t close to? I skip weddings a notable percent of weddings I’ve been invited to.
Unless you know you being counted on for a minyan there is no requirement to go to a wedding (except of course for the hasan and kalah, they have to come). Why do you believe there is a halacha you have to go to any and all weddings you are invited to?
Yasher Koach, flatbusher. You’re 100% correct. I stopped going to acquaintances’ simchos for quite a while now. I respond “I’ll try to attend the Chuppah” with a warm Mazal Tov on the reply card.
joe – does that mean you aren’t coming to mine?
Flatbusher: I find it quite interesting, the topics you choose to bring up on this forum….
You’re close…
You are so right but I think it is not so simple. I don’t get invitations to weddings without knowing who it is, but I do get invited to weddings for people who I am not really in touch with anymore. People are very concerned about leaving someone off the list and hurting their feelings.
Now that I am making a wedding I have had to leave off a good chunk of people because I simply cannot afford to invite them. There are some people, however, who will feel very hurt by this and I feel obligated to spare their feelings over sparing my cost. And I am sure my disorganized nature has left me to omit many people I would have invited. I think most people know how hard it is to pay for a wedding and if the hosts stick to a list they can manage, people who are not invited will understand. And many people will be just as happy to have one less thing on their calendar.
close, as in a close friend?
????????
I was referring to the last topic you brought up with getting married and no money?
“Let’s end the wedding madness”
Actually the Gemarah says such a thing
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Speaking from a practical, mentchliche angle, there is purpose for neighbors and acquaintances participating. It’s showing that YOU make a difference to them, you exist. Even a cordial Mazel Tov, a couple of minutes suffice, but it makes a difference. After a simchah one dose recall who attended, it does stick out, it does make a difference.
Funny thing, just today I recieved a wedding invitation envelope, WITHOUT THE INVITATION!!! Hey what does that mean? You’re uninvited?!?
“Funny thing, just today I recieved a wedding invitation envelope, WITHOUT THE INVITATION!!! Hey what does that mean? You’re uninvited?!?”
It means, stay home, fill envelope with cash and mail back.
It means someone got two invitations. Hey what does that mean? They’re twice invited?
Little Froggie – are u serious? !!!!! LOL!!
I hate to be cynical
Could’ve fooled me.
I don’t know about you but I would much rather attend lots of weddings than lots of funerals. Most of you are FFBs and from New York so there are probably like 10 weddings or other simchas a week and its understandable that you can’t go to every one. I’m from a smaller out of town community where its totally normal to “crash” weddings of people you barely know all the time. Chabad, MO, Litvish, doesn’t matter what kind of Jew you are. I don’t go to as many “aquaintance” weddings as I used to. I’m a bit of a shy person and it takes a lot of effort to go to a wedding and not feel nervous or anxious.
Imagine an aquaintance who is not frum and they’ve never seen a traditional orthodox wedding before.I didn’t grow up frum. My first wedding I’ve ever been to was also the first frum one I’ve gone to. I wasn’t frum yet. I really didn’t know these people so well but had met them around the community a few times, but I went to go say mazel tov to the family at a Shabbos kallah and they invited me right there on the spot which I thought was pretty cool. I still to this day have never been to non-Jewish wedding or a non-frum Jewish wedding. I went, and I thought it was the most amazing, magical thing I’ve ever seen. I love the bodeken the best.
Also every wedding I have been to were all similar but different and unique in their own way as each couple also is.
I love a good smorg so I usually reply that I will attend the chuppah but not the meal because I have a prior engagement. So now I enjoy a really good meal (the smorg), participate in the simcha, leave nice and early and it doesn’t cost me much. Most of the time I don’t even attend the chuppah, as long as the bal hasimcha sees me at the smorg I am all good 🙂
Let’s end the wedding madness. Only thing madder than wedding madness, is “singles madness” A.K.A Shidduch crisis.
no requirement to go to a wedding (except of course for the hasan and kalah, they have to come).. Not quite so akuperma:- I hereby refer you to 2nd Perek of tractate Kiddushin, which discusses option of his Sheliach, of her Sheliach, and of both of them sending down a Sheliach.
Maybe akuperma, you may recall August 2004, when Yigal Amir for reasons beyond his control, was unable to attend his own wedding, yet still got married, because of a Sheliach.
BTW institution of Sheliach is learned from a Possuk in Parsha from 2 days ago:- “Ken Torinu GAM Attem”.
The chosson and kallah usually don’t eat, so appointing shlichim would cost an extra two meals.
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