August 19, 2013 11:10 am at 11:10 am #610400
All you kosher rappers out there….
Wanna add to this opener?
I was sippin’ a coffee
It was gettin’ cold
I was postin’ and postin’
As my thoughts took hold
I’m like “this is sweet”
I can voice my opinion
As the neighbor leaves
For the vasikin minyan
It’s a cool little way
To start my day
Now I’ll wake my daughter
And add hot water
Then I’ll wake my son
And pray to The One
And as the others rise
I’ll open my eyes.
(So did I type well with them closed? Sorry it had to rhyme)August 19, 2013 2:20 pm at 2:20 pm #971427UtahMember
ummm…. yeah…. how do i put this nicely….
This is not what the essence of rap is all about. Its a cute poem but as a rap… no, it just doesnt work.August 19, 2013 2:40 pm at 2:40 pm #971428
Utah…Do all the lines have to rhyme?
I’m havin’ aggravation
Of every violation
Of my determination
To lose, yeah LOSE, this weight!!!!!!!
My friends say I am fine
And don’t get why I whine
My size-to them-no sign
That I am less divine
But I want to decline
From a ?????? to a size eight!!!!August 19, 2013 4:54 pm at 4:54 pm #971429oomisParticipant
CUTE! LevAryeh – any rejoinder?August 19, 2013 5:20 pm at 5:20 pm #971430
I’m going to echo what Utah said. I don’t think this is much of a rap. It’s a cute poem, maybe.
In terms of rhyming, here are some tips (I know you didn’t ask for them).
Don’t use the first word that pops into your head as a rhyme. When you rhyme way & day; son & one; weight & eight, etc. you take away from the one or two good rhymes you had (opinion, minyan).
As a general rule, most one-syllable rhymes should not be used.
There are two types of rhymes which get a lot of points with me. The first is cross-language rhymes. Being that as a Jewish rapper you have Engligh, Hebrew, Yiddish and Arammaic to work with, this shouldn’t be too hard.
The second is when a few short words come together to rhyme with one long word. You could also be a bit more imperfect when using this. A brilliant example of this is:
Snap back to reality / Oh there goes gravity / Oh, there goes Rabbit, he / choked. He’s so mad, but he / won’t give up that…
The rhymes there are reality (1), gravity (1), rabbit he (2), mad but he (3)
In the Jewish world, my opinion is that the greatest rhymers are R’ Shmuel Kunda a”h, and Lipa Schmeltzer (though only his Yiddish material).August 19, 2013 5:42 pm at 5:42 pm #971431ToiParticipant
lev aryeh- my thoughts exactly. i was always the guy to do grammen in yeshiva. i would cringe when people would rhyme one syllable poshut words.August 19, 2013 5:55 pm at 5:55 pm #971432
Toi – A female relative of mine had twin boys a number of years ago, and she named them Eli and Zevi. I asked her why, and she told me, “because they rhyme!” I guess women have a different understanding of what “rhyme” means.August 19, 2013 6:49 pm at 6:49 pm #971433
Okay, I feel challenged to get this right!!!
Let me try this again.
Men are from Mars
Women shine like stars…
Nah, no good. Let’s start again:
The Match was soon arranged
The couple was deranged
She had a pocket in her gown for her “blankie”
He had a runny nose, forgot to use his “hanky”
She dropped the ring somewhere which made her really grumpy
He said it was alright, he’d found it in a dump – he
Didn’t think it mattered, so long as they were so struck
She had him cornered, and thrown into a tow truck
The guests stayed to eat, because they all liked “shlishkes”
The band stayed to play, and shnorrers jangled “pishkas”
The show must go on, but this song cannot
It sounds like it’s written by a writer smoking pot
I still have to add a word in Hebrew – efshar?
And now I await everyone’s reluctant hechsher.
SheAugust 19, 2013 6:50 pm at 6:50 pm #971434
She?? Don’t know how that got in there.August 19, 2013 6:55 pm at 6:55 pm #971435
BUT I don’t think black rappers use ANY of the above “rules”, by the way. They use one language, and lots of syllables (granted).August 19, 2013 6:57 pm at 6:57 pm #971437
Well done, eclipse. Well done.August 19, 2013 6:58 pm at 6:58 pm #971438
“Black rappers” use alliteration a lot more than rhymes, which has completely different rules and nuances. Also, Eminem isn’t black. (Someone please tell him.)August 19, 2013 7:15 pm at 7:15 pm #971440ToiParticipant
agreed. much better.
It sounds like it’s written by a writer smoking potAugust 19, 2013 7:21 pm at 7:21 pm #971441
Please make up your mind, Toi!:)August 19, 2013 8:08 pm at 8:08 pm #971442
thank you, Oomis:)August 19, 2013 10:01 pm at 10:01 pm #971444sharpMember
Nice work eclipse.
To qualify for rap though, you’ll need to do a lot more complaining. Lol. Rap music is a whole bunch of complaints written in a certain style. It also doesn’t necessarily have to rhyme. Oh and a generous sprinkle of misogyny thrown in for good measure.
Your poem is too cheerful to even be mistaken for rap. BH.August 20, 2013 2:34 am at 2:34 am #971445
misogyny is what?August 20, 2013 3:08 am at 3:08 am #971446sharpMember
Yikes. Hatred or mistrust of women. Rap music is full of it. Ad nauseum.August 20, 2013 11:44 am at 11:44 am #971448
Also you have to talk about cars and money a lot.August 20, 2013 12:21 pm at 12:21 pm #971449
sharp, I dedicated a “final rap” to the above,I thought it was funny, but I guess it was a bit TOO authentic! (Mods,thanks,I get it!)August 20, 2013 4:34 pm at 4:34 pm #971450
Eclipse is ignoring me now because we disagreed on a different thread 🙂August 20, 2013 8:27 pm at 8:27 pm #971452
Lev: your post was not up when I posted!!I’m not the “ignoring type”.August 20, 2013 9:07 pm at 9:07 pm #971453
Ok, good … on the topic of Jewish rap, someone emailed me last week saying that he’s engaged. He says The Aveirah/Chumrah Songs have been a private joke between he and his kallah since they’ve been dating, and he asked that I film myself saying Mazel Tov for him to show to her. So … I wrote up a little Jewish Rap and I’m about to go record it and send it over to him.August 20, 2013 9:31 pm at 9:31 pm #971454
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