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ames & all: i would like to talk a little about our previous middah of the week(which we all should still be working on)”not to hurl back insults”:
this is something that i have been working on for some time now, even before we started it in this thread. i just wanted to fill you in that B”H, i’m doing much better at this. i recently heard that one who holds back from hurling insults is compare to the Shemesh, who did not hurl comments to the Moon by Brias Haolom, when the Moon said he wanted to be an equeal with the Sun in size! the sun held back commenting on this and stayed the center of the world-the earth revorves around the sun & if not for the sun’s ray’s we all on earth would not be able to survive on this planet! thus proving good things come out of not hurling insults, or even comments when we feel we could just run on mouths when we get a chance in anger!
i’ll be short with a story here, an israeli couple didn’t have children for many years(over 20yrs) & went to a Rav for a Bracha. they told the Rav they wanted more then just a Bracha, the Rav says when you meet a person that is able to not hurl insults back to a person when put in that matziv, ask that person for a Bracha, that that person is compared to the shemesh-the apitamy of this middah-with full Emuna, & a Bracha from such a person would be mikuyam-even more so than a Bracha from me[the Rav’s]! the wife of this couple 2 years later is at a wedding/bar mitzvah & hears someone in public being yelled at & cursed out at! the wife of the childless couple, runs over to the woman being cursed out at in public & says to her please don’t say anything, i’ll explain it to you after, i beg you! so the woman says nothing while being cursed at. the childless lady expalins to the other lady, that was just being cursed at, about what the Rav had told her. about getting a Bracha from someone who didn’t hurl back comments when put in that situation & their Bracha being mikuyam for them to have a child! the woman gives the childless lady a Bracha for children & with in the year, has a child!
this is from Rav Pesach Kron(if anything in here seems slightly different from the version you heard, please let me know, i’m typin this patt 2am & need to find my bed)
You’re not wrong, but it is a high madreiga to look away from your own kovod when you are mistreated.
jax,
that is an amazing story, thanks.
squeak,
while I agree with you, its also important not to become the neighborhood shmatta who everyone takes advantage of. Its sometimes difficult to draw the line between looking away from your own kovod and being taken advantage of. What are your thoughts on this?
My thoughts are that most of us are not on such a madreiga. You can probably find stories of various gedolim who exhibit this extent of anava and it is possible for them to do so because those who would mistreat a godol are certainly in the extreme minority of people he sees. However, we can still learn some direction from this as in which direction to work towards.
In a perfect world, this midda would be possible for everyone because no one would intentionally mistreat another person and the only test of this midda would be if one mistakely mistreats someone.
I remember reading that R’ Elya Lopian zt”l once said that he was afraid about his middos because his status made all those around him treat him properly all the time. He had a resolution to this, but I don’t remember it. This is quoted in one of the English language gedolim books (most probably the R’ Elya book 😉
ames, I think you should be firm about what you will or will not do. You are not training a child here so it’s not your job to make them ask nicely. You should make it clearly understood what you will or will not do, but you don’t have to say why.
“moish: “i know i’m not really part of this thread”
well, you are now! 🙂
seriously speaking, the first step of growth is knowing where you are. Sit down, and be honest with yourself: how well am I doing? Do I learn/daven/talk/etc like I should? What am I doing wrong, what am I doing right? What do I need to work on? If you’re not honest with yourself, and you don’t know where you’re holding, how can you possibly change yourself? “
“…you’re talking to the wrong guy…”
Ok, reading my post now, I realize that I made it sound like the whole post was just to moish. I only meant the first part for moish, and the second part (starting with seriously) was to everybody. I’ll try being clearer on this from now on.
I have a big problem w/ leitzonus, I can’t stop making jokes. but i dont have stupid leitzonus, i have funny leitzonus, i almost made some people go rolling on the floor with laughter once. i like being funny and the people i work with once in a while tell me to stop but then i make a funny joke 5 minutes later and they laugh again lol, i had been new, but now ive been there for 7 months or so so they got used to it and appreciate my leitzonus, i have a really nasty boss so it cheers up the day a little
well that makes a little more sense.
I think I know the (a) source. but I wouldnt want to ruin a good discussion here 🙂
kapusta please post the source you wont be ruining anything! (is it in the shulchan oruch, gemara, rambam, tanach, smag, etc.?) ames thank you for the compliment, and I think I can find something in Hilchos bikur Cholim, but that would be very difficult for me and take a couple of days research and composition I’ll give it (the dvar torah on this) on monday. any help greatly appreciated.
thanks, David
David, I’m not too good at this but I remember hearing a story from the gemarah where (maybe) someone walked into the marketplace and asked eliyahu hanavi who, that was in the marketplace would be getting gan eden and he walked over to two people and pointed to them. later they asked them what they did that they would be zoche to olam haba and they said they made people laugh. I fixed a few details but I’ve heard the story several times, and the actual story is definitely true. I’m not overly learned so this is the probably the best I could do and I have no clue where you could find it but I’m sure if you dont know it then someone else on this board did because its probably very popular, because I never learned gemarah in my life. I apologize because I highly doubt this was the sort of source you were looking for. 🙂
one question, is your boss jewish? because I think it would make it very different if he is… 🙂
David? 🙂
oh sorry kapusta, I didn’t read the last part of your post 🙂
So, my boss is not a Yid, and I have other friends there who are Jews, and he gets nasty. So I try to cheer up the atmosphere a little, (sometimes with jokes about him).
I love making jokes, and then is the perfect time to do it, with a perfect excuse! 😀
I’m not a rabbi (and if I was, I dont think it would help you ;)) so nothing I’m saying here has any real backing, but I think you have a much easier time if hes not jewish, (I’m not saying its ok, because I really dont know) but one thing to consider a chillul Hashem factor, will anyone in your office think less of jews because you poke fun at your boss? 🙂
you should really try to find out, I’m curious what you’ll get back and its probably important 🙂
but on the actual middah thread, making people laugh is great! 🙂
the boss gets enraged at tiny things, and so the people here already dislike him intensely, so everyone likes what I say, and I don’t think it is a big chilul Hash-m.
But in any case, I thank you for your advice 🙂
BTW: Thanks for your last post! 🙂
Hey, David, how about our chess game?
…when do we choose a new middah of the week?
AOB, thanx for reviving this.
My last post probably wont be up in time for the edit button, so, maybe being genuinely happy for someone else even when you’re waiting for the same yeshua. (This might be a repeat.)
This thread is almost off the page, we cant let it!
What middah are we working on?
How about we work on not being lazy? (Im really really lazy so i could use some working on that.)
aussie, great idea! I like that!
yeah i could use that too
but when does the week officially start?
aussie, no good – that one’s too hard 😉
moish, thats the point! and it gets easier once you tell yourself you have to do it anyway and its not worth waiting because you can’t accomplish much when you’re trying to get yourself to move.
I get so frustrated with myself sometimes, I want to finish something and in my mind I’ve already done it and I just keep on thinking and then realize I’m still sitting there for the last 5 minutes doing nothing…
how about being happy to do things for others, even when it’s an inconvenience.
hi, I like that!
kapusta: when you shorten hi100’s name like that & use a comma, it looks like you’re just saying hi
AOB, I did!
moish: I agree. The problem with being lazy is that your too lazy to try to change it.
auss, you got it… it takes one to know one 😉
kapusta: fine, so when you say hi to hi100 like that, it looks like you’re just talking to (him? her?)
kapusta: hi back! i guess my name is pretty complicated!!!!!!!
hi: (is that better?) lol.
kaputa: gr8
kapusta: much better 🙂
oh sorry- kapuSta! (just scared of all the comments i’m gonna get.lol)
kapusta: now i know you’re not just being friendly 😉
AOB, even though you know I am… (right? jk)
getting back to business here, this week is already taken, but I have a suggestion for another middah, even if you don’t like/want to do something (and once you overcome your laziness and do it 😉 ) do it with a smile. It wont hurt, (and for a little encouragement) 🙂
Remember to follow all the middos that we’ve already brushed up on here, pesach is a great time to practice, Hatzlacha!
kapusta, can i get brownie points for saying “no” with a smile? 😉
we had to do this now…doing stuff with a smile is gonna be extra extra hard for me this week 🙁
moish, I’ll let you have some kosher l’pesach brownie points, are you sure you want them? but seriously, I agree, sometimes it’s impossible to say yes, but you get the point.
AOB, I’m not sure what exactly you’re referring to, but I’m expecting the same thing. I sure hope that this year, it won’t be to hard for anyone! 🙂
kapusta: it’s hard to smile while being bossed around & forced to do stuff by tense, stressed out people. what were you referring to?
well not sure if anyone around noticed but i did remember the cr & consciously try to help more with less complaining. it’s hard though!!!
…and now harder 🙁
wish there was a mod on now
AOB, I totally get what you’re talking about, not fun but I’m trying.
~a~
AOB< that was what I was talking about also but I find its more than that, because its during the entire year also (on a much lesser scale) and any time I try to do something about it, I just get a speech that I shouldn’t feel that way because its completely ridiculous and I say that I know what ridiculous is and this isn’t ridiculous, I think theres an issue under the surface that was never worked out (this goes back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, I’ll stop before I hypnotize you…) but enough about my life right now, I must say that other than one blowout on erev y’t, It was much better than I expected it to be and I enjoyed it very much. How did everyone else do?
kapusta: wow that took me a while to understand…you realize that was all one sentence??
yeah its all year but i was with more people in the same amount of space & that always makes it harder. i think it went ok though, most of the tension was between other people – not fun, but at least i’m not responsible. i alternated between being all helpful & just leaving (it’s good that i am always known for always reading or using the computer so nobody expected me to be around all the time) 🙂
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