Life Is Not Fair

TheGoq,

This is of course true but how do you deal with something that is inherently unfair and that you know will not change ? how do you make your peace with it ?

I wish I knew of a sure-bet answer, but it’s a challenge I face as well. I personally have a goal to increase my awareness that continuing to feel emotional pain regarding things that I cannot change does nothing to help – it only holds me back. And to therefore reframe my feelings that a situation is unfair to a sense that what others have done to me has no bearing on who I am or my value. And to assess what resources I do have while trying not to compare them with others, and then figure out how to make the best of them in service to Hashem. Easy for me to write, much harder for me to actually do!

Tough issue to grapple with, but you actually did one of the most constructive things one can do in such situations: You reached out to others.

The best thing for a person is the support of friends and loved ones. That’s how we help those who are ill, in mourning, suffering catastrophic reversals of fortune, marital conflicts, etc.

When we can be more helpful financially, running errands, providing referrals, contacts, advice or professional services we do that and that’s wonderful. But, sometimes the best we can do is lend an ear and provide encouragement and emotional support.

Even though such intangibles don’t alter the underlying facts, they are invaluable in the Human experience.

“Life is not fair” is not a Jewish concept.
It’s one of many mistaken ideas that has crept into our minds from the society we live in, but it;s not true. As G-d fearing Torah observant Jews we know it’s wrong.
Every bit of pleasure and every bit of pain that we experience is measured with an exactness that we can’t imagine. When pain or suffering comes our way through the actions of other people then they may be acting inappropriately, they may be sinning, they may be evil, but our pain was meant to be.
That is the meaning of, “HaTzur tamim pa’alo.”
While we can understand this, like AvramMD said, easy to write, much harder to actually internalize and accept. Moshe Rabbeinu himself asked “zu Torah v’zu s’chara?” when he was shown the horrible death of Rabbi Akiva.
We all have moments of intense pain, and only an idiot will minimize his friend’s suffering by telling him, “well, this is how it’s meant to be, don’t worry, be happy.”
I’m just saying that when things are going relatively well in our lives and we have a moment to sit and think, we need to cross out “life is not fair” in our minds and replace it with “life is beautiful.”

Don’t think of ‘Life is not fair’. ‘Life is unfair’ and it is not expected to be fair. The sooner we get that and live with it as a fact the better our lives will be in dealing with it.
In this world there are no answers, in the next world there will be no questions.

That’s just redefining the word “fair”.

LOL.

Maybe Hashem needs you here to help those policies become more fair?