Life Is Not Fair

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  • #1289441
    TheGoq
    Participant

    This is of course true but how do you deal with something that is inherently unfair and that you know will not change ? how do you make your peace with it ?

    #1289558
    Avram in MD
    Participant

    TheGoq,

    This is of course true but how do you deal with something that is inherently unfair and that you know will not change ? how do you make your peace with it ?

    I wish I knew of a sure-bet answer, but it’s a challenge I face as well. I personally have a goal to increase my awareness that continuing to feel emotional pain regarding things that I cannot change does nothing to help – it only holds me back. And to therefore reframe my feelings that a situation is unfair to a sense that what others have done to me has no bearing on who I am or my value. And to assess what resources I do have while trying not to compare them with others, and then figure out how to make the best of them in service to Hashem. Easy for me to write, much harder for me to actually do!

    #1289572
    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    Continuing to feel tooth pain after a root canal also doesn’t help.

    #1289581
    blubluh
    Participant

    Tough issue to grapple with, but you actually did one of the most constructive things one can do in such situations: You reached out to others.

    The best thing for a person is the support of friends and loved ones. That’s how we help those who are ill, in mourning, suffering catastrophic reversals of fortune, marital conflicts, etc.

    When we can be more helpful financially, running errands, providing referrals, contacts, advice or professional services we do that and that’s wonderful. But, sometimes the best we can do is lend an ear and provide encouragement and emotional support.

    Even though such intangibles don’t alter the underlying facts, they are invaluable in the Human experience.

    #1289601
    oyyoyyoy
    Participant

    Life is fair it turns out. Its just terribly hard to see it and feel it when everything seems contrary to that, i agree. But tzadik Hashem bchal drachav vchosid bchol maasav. Daven and ask hashem for help, miracles can happen if u believe. Also beg hashem for emunah and bitachon, it goes a long long way.

    sorry for sounding so positive just finally having a good day

    #1289604
    golfer
    Participant

    “Life is not fair” is not a Jewish concept.
    It’s one of many mistaken ideas that has crept into our minds from the society we live in, but it;s not true. As G-d fearing Torah observant Jews we know it’s wrong.
    Every bit of pleasure and every bit of pain that we experience is measured with an exactness that we can’t imagine. When pain or suffering comes our way through the actions of other people then they may be acting inappropriately, they may be sinning, they may be evil, but our pain was meant to be.
    That is the meaning of, “HaTzur tamim pa’alo.”
    While we can understand this, like AvramMD said, easy to write, much harder to actually internalize and accept. Moshe Rabbeinu himself asked “zu Torah v’zu s’chara?” when he was shown the horrible death of Rabbi Akiva.
    We all have moments of intense pain, and only an idiot will minimize his friend’s suffering by telling him, “well, this is how it’s meant to be, don’t worry, be happy.”
    I’m just saying that when things are going relatively well in our lives and we have a moment to sit and think, we need to cross out “life is not fair” in our minds and replace it with “life is beautiful.”

    #1289713
    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    “Life is not fair” is something people say when trying to shut someone up.

    #1289774
    Geordie613
    Participant

    Don’t think of ‘Life is not fair’. ‘Life is unfair’ and it is not expected to be fair. The sooner we get that and live with it as a fact the better our lives will be in dealing with it.
    In this world there are no answers, in the next world there will be no questions.

    #1289789

    Life is fair. We just can’t comprehend how.
    (Possibly a true statement – AYLOR.)

    #1289801
    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    That’s just redefining the word “fair”.

    #1289816
    TheGoq
    Participant

    First of all thank you all for your chizuk much appreciated, sorry if i gave the wrong impression i was not saying that my whole life is unfair B’H i have a very good life, specifically it is some policies at my work which i find to be wholly unfair.

    #1291716

    LOL.

    #1291804
    ChadGadya
    Participant

    I know life is unfair. I’m happy to accept that. My problem is, why can’t it ever be unfair in MY favor?

    #1291810
    Lightbrite
    Participant

    Maybe Hashem needs you here to help those policies become more fair?

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