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What are the reasons that someone might light extra Shabbos licht’s?
The most common probably is to tzind an extra licht every Erev Shabbos per every Shabbos you missed benching licht. Do you also light one extra licht per each Yom Tov (non-Shabbos) you missed benching licht? If you missed Yom Tov night, can you still light on Yom Tov day?
What other reasons would prompt permanently tzinding an extra licht?
Does everyone tzind ah licht for every child?
Patri – no, some don’t light for each child. (Most do – I never met anyone who doesn’t, but I know that minhag exists.)
As for us, my wife liked to add extra candles stam, but our rov told us not to do that, only light 2 (+1 per child, once the time comes, ??”?).
????? ??? ?????? bring the reason for the common ???? to add a licht per child in the family.
In times gone by, the new mother would stay in hospital for a number of days following birth, and would generally not be in a position to light ??? licht the first ??? following the birth of a child. Therefore the mother has a din of one who forgot to light, for which the ???? is that they must light an extra candle every week for the rest of her life!
My wifes maternal grandmother had this ???? but her mother is too much of a ???? so only lights the minimum. When we were married I asked our Rov what my wife should do. He said that contrary to popular belief, the ???? of candle lighting follows the mans ???? not the ladies, so my wife should do what my ???? is – to light for each child!
The minhag in my family was to light two when I got married, then one for all the boys and one for all the girls. No more than four. If I would have had only one gender of children, I would have lit only three candles each Friday. And though I only light four candles, I always have at least eight candles in various leichter on my candle tray, four for myself, and four more just in case someone shows up unexpectedly for Shabbos and didn’t bring travelling leichter. (Kind of like Eliahu’s kos, but for candles…)
Yaff: of course a wife follows her husband’s minhag on lighting candles, the same way she assumes all minhagim from her husband. I’m not sure why anyone would mistakenly think otherwise.
The Minhag of lighting a candle for each child is written by the Likutei Maharich.
As to the original poster: you have a kenas if you miss lighting on yom tov because you have a chiyuv hadlakah on yom tov too. As to your 2nd question you would not light yom tov by day because the whole reason for hadlakas neros is to have light at night once you missed it you can’t make up for it there’s a kenas. According to R’ moshe feinstein and the sheivet levi if you had your electric lights in your house on (and they weren’t turned on with the intention of kavod and oneg shabbas) you are chayav a kenas for the rest of your life however R’ dovid kohn paskens as long as you had light then there isn’t a kenas. The shela (as brought down in the magen avraham in siman 263 says you should light 7 or 10). Also since women usually were unable to light the first shabbas after they gave birth(nowadays we have electricity) its brought down in mishna berura that the husband should light for them.
Patri: Many people are under the impression that since lighting candles is a ???? for the lady, the ???? therefore is based on what the ladies ???? is from home i.e what her mother did. However, in reality, she should follow her husbands ???? like all other ??????.
What if a woman was c’v ill in the hopital for a few weeks, and couldn’t tzind licht for the duration. Does she have a knas for each missed week? (It would seems so, for the same reason she adds a licht for each child.)
r papi: Can you please restate what Rav Moshe paskened about electric lights and a knas? Your comment wasn’t clear.
first i wanna say there are plenty of people who light only 2 candles even if they have kids and i always learned that candles u follow ur mother not ur husband
and to answer the question when pp add candles besides for kids is alot of pp started lighting oil and then the confussion starts so they light two oil then one for each kid then two candles for shomer and zocher which if u ask most rabbenim dont agree to add the 2 candles on top so we can add and add and add
Why is there an apostrophe in the title?
In times gone by, the new mother would stay in hospital for a number of days following birth, and would generally not be in a position to light ??? licht the first ??? following the birth of a child. Therefore the mother has a din of one who forgot to light, for which the ???? is that they must light an extra candle every week for the rest of her life!
I’ve always had difficulty with this idea.
The general rule, of course, is oneis rachmana patrei — if a person is in an unavoidable circumstance, he or she is exempt from the mitzvah — and there is no punishment. A classic example would be someone who is stranded on a deserted island and cannot get matzah for pesach. Since he cannot get matzah, he is an oneis and is patur.
I would imagine that being stuck in the hospital is also a situation of an oneis, whether it’s because one had a baby, or for any other life-threatening situation. As such, I don’t see how she should be subject to a kenas for failing to light.
Furthermore, the mitzvah to light is primarily on the household, not on the woman herself. If a man lives alone, for example, he is required to light. As such, if she’s in the hospital and her husband lights for her, I furthermore cannot see how she should be liable for a penalty.
That’s not to say that the practice of adding an additional light when a child is born is not proper. It is a custom that has gone back centuries or more. I think, however, it’s possible to look at this phenomenon of adding a light for having a baby or forgetting to light as two separate events:
1. There is a custom that if a woman forgets to light (through negligence or willful misconduct), then she should add a light as a penalty/reminder.
2. If she has a baby, she should add a light — not as a penalty, but rather because there is a custom to do so.
The Wolf
Patri – no, some don’t light for each child. (Most do – I never met anyone who doesn’t, but I know that minhag exists.)
I’m raising my hand over here – my mother only lights two, and has been doing that for as long as I can remember.
Rav Moshe said that a married girl who is at her mothers house and forgot to light has a knas and must add an extra light for the rest of her life.
if a person was in the hospital and could not light they would not have a knas. this is the reason why the first week after a lady has a baby the husband is supposed to light. however,nowadays we have electricity and most poskim hold that you are mikayem hadlakas neiros with them. in fact alot of poskim say you could even make a bracha.
R papi do you have a mekor that a woman who forgets to light on yom tov has a kenas? i thoght i saw it too but i cannot locate where i saw it. To be mifalpel a little: i can think it may be talui on something. The mechaber paskens that the main mitzvah is on the woman. there are two reasons given 1)because she is around the house more and therefore it is more applicable to her (mechaber). 2)because chavah was “kavsah neiro shel oilam” (MG”A). the pri megadim 263:7 brings the Levush that based on this second reason a woman has a knas if she forgets. that seems to imply that if a MAN was living alone and forgot to light, he would not have a kenas. I might be wrong, but i dont think that hadlakas neiros on yom tov has the second reason, therefore it should follow that on yom tov even a woman forgetting is similar to a man forgetting on a regular shabbos and there is no kenas.
i would enjoy feedback on this.
(this is in no way meant as a psak- ask your LOR)
If a woman is hospitalized for a birth or illness, and no one lit for her at home or anywhere, does she have a knas for missed weeks?
If a woman is hospitalized for a birth or illness, and no one lit for her at home or anywhere, does she have a knas for missed weeks?
You mean if she lives alone? Why should she be punished for that?
The Wolf
Some dont have children to light for.
I’m raising my hand over here – my mother only lights two, and has been doing that for as long as I can remember.
Maybe because you are adopted.
I would really like to know the source of this minhag I’ve heard about only lately, that ladies are lighting 2 oil lamps in addition to whatever candles they’ve always lit. We would also like to do this, I think it would be a wonderful addition to our Shabbos atmosphere. However, I would like to know the source…
Thanks!
I light shabbat candles, as a bachelor, and I light 4 in total, 2 to be yotzei, and another 2 as a symbol of my hope of one day finding my bashert/zivug.
RD: … Darchei Emori much?
What is possibly darchei emori? I spend shabbat alone much of the time, and thus, have to light my own candles. My mother, as a non-Orthodox convert, does light when she’s home, although for obvious reasons, I have to light my own.
The 2 extra. I can’t pin an Issur on it yet (but I’m very much thinking of one), but there’s something very, very wrong about it.
Aside from lighting 2+ 1 for each child i also light a candle for each grandchild. The table looks magnificient and we enjoy it very much.
In a teshuva I received from Rav Elyashiv zt”l he writes that if one forgot to light on Yom Tov there is no knas. He explained that since on Yom Tov you can light all night, forgetting to light is a milsa dlo shchicha vlo gozru boh Rabbonon.
The minhag to light for each child may not have anything to do with a knas for missing. It may be based on the Gemora in Bameh Madlikin “Horogil bner havyeh lei bonim talmidei chachomim”.
My cousin lights one hundred and twenty eight candles. Two for zochor v’shomor, and the rest, one for each girl he’s gone out with.
People add candles for all kinds of reasons. I see nothing wrong with my personal practice.
Rd,
I think your policy of DADT is more appropriate here than where you mentioned it.
Rd, the only issue I see (unless Sam proves otherwise, and despite my previous post) is that when you get married, iy”H may it be at the right time, your wife will be your “shaliach” and will only light two, so you’ll be reducing the number.
Anyhow, it’s too late to turn back now.
The only eitzah for you is to marry a woman who has two children. 😀
Actually, your extra candles might be a variation on the reason brought by kita ches rebbe.
We add an extra candle as a z’chus that a newborn child should become a talmid chochom or be married to one.
As brought in the Seforim Hakedoshim, getting married is a segulah to have children. You wrote “as a symbol of my hope”, so if you mean as a z’chus, you’re not too far from an accepted minhag.
okay, so NOBODY amongst you has ever heard of someone adding 2 oil lamps for Shabbos? I was told it is specifically for the zchus of the parents in the house…Any of you know the source on this? (By the way, I check around and all the gal’s in my study groups lite one extra for each child. One was told by a rav that their is no issur on adding candles.)
Does a baalas teshuvah have to light thousands of candles for all the weeks she missed before she was frum?
I mean this somewhat seriously.
The Magen Avraham says (OC 263:1) that if a hadlaka was missed through no fault of her own, a woman is exempt from this hiyyuv. A baalat teshuva would be patur, since in her case, she missed all the weeks of not lighting out of ignorance. Le ma’aseh, she would light extra candles if she missed a hadlaka since becoming observant.
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