June 30, 2013 3:12 am at 3:12 am #609841
I recently borrowed someones apartment for Shabbos. They specified that I was to sleep in the guest room. When I arrived and started looking for my room I was SHOCKED to discover that they had locked the master bedroom (the kids one too).
Any normal person knows that you have no business walking into someones bedroom. The fact that they locked it means they expected me to walk in and start rummaging through their stuff.
Shabbos in that apartment was very creepy.June 30, 2013 3:13 am at 3:13 am #963097OneOfManyParticipant
how did you know that they were locked?June 30, 2013 3:15 am at 3:15 am #963098
That doesn’t sound creepy at all.
The only creepy part is as OOM pointed out.June 30, 2013 3:16 am at 3:16 am #963099Biology (joseph)Participant
LOL, good point OOM.June 30, 2013 3:17 am at 3:17 am #963100WIYMember
HAHAHAHAHAJune 30, 2013 3:18 am at 3:18 am #963101Torah613TorahParticipant
OOM: +1June 30, 2013 3:22 am at 3:22 am #963102CuriosityParticipant
OOM-Exactly what I was thinking.
SG, maybe you should be thankful that they lend out their home to you instead of taking offense that they don’t blindly trust you with all of their worldly possessions? It’s a bit ungrateful, don’t you think?June 30, 2013 3:23 am at 3:23 am #963103
While everyone is slapping OOM on the back, I thought I made it clear that I was looking for the guest room.June 30, 2013 3:30 am at 3:30 am #963104OneOfManyParticipant
mmmmhmmm. So maybe they were worried that your curiosity might overcome you while opening every door in the house looking for your room.June 30, 2013 3:30 am at 3:30 am #963105147Participant
SlichosGenendel:- I think that you should be grateful for even being allowed to be accommodated in their guestroom, all the more so, if your stay was gratis.
Most people I know don’t let their guest into their residence unless they are also there, so if anything:- you SlichosGenendel should be sending a very nice thank you note to your host.June 30, 2013 3:35 am at 3:35 am #963106
Curiosity and 147- I am very grateful,that’s irrelevant.
And it’s not a money thing. There was plenty of silver in the breakfront.June 30, 2013 3:39 am at 3:39 am #963107
While on the subject, can anyone comment about the idea of temporarily renting out your home via Airbnb — or renting out someone else’s home while you’re traveling?June 30, 2013 3:48 am at 3:48 am #963108writersoulParticipant
SlichosGenendel: As someone mentioned, maybe they knew you would open doors looking for your room, and didn’t want you looking in at all, even if you would never look in on purpose.
We lend out our house occasionally and my sister puts a sign on her door asking people not to go into her room- she gets a bit neurotic about it, especially when there are little kids who can mess stuff up. Unfortunately, it’s happened.
The bottom line it, it’s her right and it’s your host’s right. People have gotten burned.
We once came home after yom tov and discovered that we had cookie crumbs all over the bedrooms.
Sometimes you just want to contain the mess and not want to risk it.
The cheshbonos are complicated, and absolutely NONE of your business and not worth asking about on a forum like this.June 30, 2013 3:58 am at 3:58 am #963109SaysMeMember
it helped you find the right room easily, didn’t it?June 30, 2013 4:06 am at 4:06 am #963110cinderellaParticipant
When I was in seminary, me and my friends stayed at someone’s empty apartment for Shabbos. We didn’t know them at all. We were four girls and they had left instructions for us to sleep in the master bedroom and the guest room. And they hadn’t taken the linen off. So I found myself sleeping on the mans bed. On top of his linen. I hadn’t brought my own because they had told us it wasn’t necessary. They had another bedroom so it wasn’t a space problem.
I dunno. I would have preferred them locking the master bedroom door.June 30, 2013 6:33 am at 6:33 am #963111Oh Shreck!Participant
I’ll tell you from experience. I once lent out my apartment to others with the explicit instructions NOT TO ENTER MY BEDROOM. Guess what. OK? I felt violated, disgusted, and a host of other terrible feelings. All I got was a meek “sorry”.
So no. There’s nothing wrong with being extra cautious.June 30, 2013 9:23 am at 9:23 am #963112rebdonielMember
People that are suspicious on that level are creepy. What a shame that they’d have such a lack of trust for another Jew.
Someone going into the master bedroom hardly seems like being violated.June 30, 2013 1:09 pm at 1:09 pm #963113
How on earth did you discern that the doors were locked, unless you tried to open them?June 30, 2013 1:17 pm at 1:17 pm #963114writersoulParticipant
rebdoniel: Many people who do things like that either a) are only getting used to the idea of lending out their house (which, you’ll admit, can be pretty personal and invasive, to imagine someone else living in YOUR house using all of YOUR stuff, especially when you’ve never done it before) or b) have gotten burned in the past.
I’ve been in both places (in order, obviously) and I completely get why someone would lock certain rooms- in some cases it’s not so much suspicion as practical certainty.June 30, 2013 1:21 pm at 1:21 pm #963115
Rebdoniel, with all due respect – if you are kind enough to allow someone to use your home when you are not there (or even if you are), it is INDEED a violation of their trust, to enter rooms that are not permitted to you. Perhaps these Jews were already burned once or twice by people whom they trust and who likewise violated that trust. Nothing creepy about their locking their doors.
We were asked to host three bochurim for a Shabbaton in our neighborhood, as a favor to a local rebbie. Two of them were extremely ill-mannered and apparently brought up in a barn. But the worst part was when they invited SIX other boys into my home without our knowledge or permission. I heard noises while I was trying to nap on Shabbos, and came down to find these bar-mitzvah age boys jumping off my couch and playing ball with any handy objects in the room. I asked them why they were not at their program and told them to leave immediately. We never told the rebbie (we should have, we know, but didn’t want to get them in trouble), but I learned a valuable lesson.June 30, 2013 1:30 pm at 1:30 pm #963116
Has nobody here ever heard of Airbnb? Lending out your house to a complete stranger is hardly novel. It is a great way of having a place to stay while traveling.
Hence, Airbnb.June 30, 2013 1:53 pm at 1:53 pm #963117147Participant
Perhaps these Jews were already burned once or twice by people whom they trust and who likewise violated that trust.
I have gotten burned lending my cell phone, for someone who just had to make this urgent call of a few seconds to let someone know where they are. So I’ll give you 2 examples, so you comprehend why I shall never lend my cell phone to anyone ever.
1) I was walking thru Har Menuchos this past Adar, and someone just had to call up to let someone know where he was in Har Menuchos; Thereafter I was getting so many calls demanding to speak to this person, for many hours thereafter. When I said I am not this person, they were becoming very aggressive & angry & insisting that I must know this person & find him, because he did call from my #.
2) After a wedding in Monsey this past Nisson, someone had to borrow my cell phone to call up a car service, as he had no way of getting home. He had to call several car services, and even then never got a car service. Thereafter, somewhere around 2.30AM this car service calls my cell phone saying that they see we called up, and would we like car service? Needless to say, we were woken up and it took us a long time to fall asleep again.
Needless to say, we are not lending our cell phone to any stranger at any time.June 30, 2013 2:56 pm at 2:56 pm #963118MorahRachMember
I don’t understand the issue. If the owner wanted to put a huge neon sign on their door that says “do not enter”, that too would be their right. They are doing you a huge favor by lending their home to you. Instead if taking it personally, just be happy you have a safe, kosher place to stay!! Am I right?June 30, 2013 3:01 pm at 3:01 pm #963119
SG: If there was a safe in the living room, and you found the safe locked, would you too take offense at that? I mean, like you said, every normal person knows you have no busines rummaging through a person’s safe. So why lock it.June 30, 2013 3:35 pm at 3:35 pm #963120whatdoiknow99Member
SlichosGenendel: Any normal person should understand why the bedroom door was locked. The fact you could not and even found it creepy sounds very creepy to me.June 30, 2013 3:42 pm at 3:42 pm #963121
I agree with the OP. Obviously it’s their house, they have that right, blah blah blah, but it’s clear he was only trying to find his room and if it had been open he would have glanced in, noticed it was the wrong room, and kept looking. And I just think it’s a little bizarre. Like, what are they hiding? Why are they so suspicious?
SG, how well do you know these people? If they’re only acquaintances, that’s one thing. It’s more strange if you are close with them.June 30, 2013 3:46 pm at 3:46 pm #963122
For blazes sake:
1. I believe OP was only looking for the right room. But probably they told OP how to find it.
2. There is nothing untoward about them locking the rooms; if only so you won’t walk in accidentally, or so that your kids (if you brought) won’t walk in accidentally. And especially since you should never have even noticed.
3. Untoward or not, there is nothing “creepy” about it.June 30, 2013 3:50 pm at 3:50 pm #963123TheGoqParticipant
JF what are they hiding??? none of your business would you want a stranger going through your things they have every right to limit the guest to specific rooms and take measures to make sure that their privacy is not disturbed, this is so typical someone does you a favor and all you can do is find something to complain about geeeesh, I dont care if they are drug smugglers and are hiding their stash they do you a favor say thank you and mind your own business. They are not hiding anything they are just protecting their privacy again i say geeesh.June 30, 2013 3:50 pm at 3:50 pm #963124
jf02: Do you often enjoy playing devil’s advocate? 😉June 30, 2013 3:57 pm at 3:57 pm #963125
When you invite a guest to stay in your apartment, presumably you don’t EXPECT them to invade your privacy, or else you wouldn’t have invited them in the first place. I know I wouldn’t invite anyone I couldn’t trust.
This is why I wonder how well the OP knows his hosts. Perhaps he needed a place to stay and was set up by a shul, or a mutual friend, and in reality has never met these people. In that case I would understand. But if he knows them personally I still maintain that it’s weird.June 30, 2013 3:57 pm at 3:57 pm #963126🍫Syag LchochmaParticipant
This whole thing is kind of odd. I would lock my bedroom door for sure because I don’t want guest even to look in there. Perhaps it is messy and I didn’t have time to clean my apartment AND my not-being-used rooms. To turn around and say I am rude, paranoid or whatever is ridiculous in light of the fact that I just left you with my entire apart,ent including my keys! Maybe some of you have extensive cleaning help and don’t understand what it feels like to be embarrased by someone peeking into your room.
If I knew my guest was going to respond as you did, I would most certainly say no next time. If there is gratitude, you’ve disguised it well.June 30, 2013 4:04 pm at 4:04 pm #963127
Obviously the guest is not going to indicate his discomfort to the host…June 30, 2013 4:07 pm at 4:07 pm #963128Cheery On The TopMember
Chazal say not to overly (publicly) praise the host…June 30, 2013 4:45 pm at 4:45 pm #963129webwrightMember
If you tried the doorknob, they were right to lock the door.June 30, 2013 4:47 pm at 4:47 pm #963130klein vikayamMember
why is it creepy for them to protect their privacy?June 30, 2013 4:51 pm at 4:51 pm #963131🍫Syag LchochmaParticipant
Btw, how are you handling the heat over there?June 30, 2013 4:55 pm at 4:55 pm #963132
Anyone with any sense at all will say thank you to his host and leave politely (or, if he leaves before they return, write a thank you note and put it in a conspicuous place) and not confront him with “Why did you lock your bedroom door?”
I am handling the heat by staying out of it and cranking up the A/C!June 30, 2013 5:02 pm at 5:02 pm #963133gefenParticipant
Or maybe their rooms are a mess and didn’t want you to see it.June 30, 2013 5:14 pm at 5:14 pm #963134
Yeah, could be, but everyone’s house gets messy at some point and I really don’t understand why they would be so HUGELY embarrassed as to take the step of locking the door.June 30, 2013 5:22 pm at 5:22 pm #963135
Why do they need to be HUGELY embarrassed to take the HUGE step of locking the door?
What reason on earth is there to NOT lock the door? Presumably the homelenders didn’t think the borrower was psycho and would be offended by nothing (and if they did, then that is why).June 30, 2013 5:31 pm at 5:31 pm #963136
It’s not offensive, just weird.June 30, 2013 5:37 pm at 5:37 pm #963137MorahRachMember
The other day, con Edison had to come read my meter and come inside to investigate something. I hadn’t planned on them entering my bedroom but it turned out they needed to check every outlet. I was humiliated. I had piles of clean laundry everywhere, a diaper full of pish on the floor that I dropped earlier and forgot to throw in the genie, certain articles of clothing I didn’t want the con Ed man to see, and just such a mess because I hadn’t yet cleaned. I comepleyly understand not want someone in your room. Even if it was clean!June 30, 2013 5:46 pm at 5:46 pm #963138Biology (joseph)Participant
Morah – good point. Once firemen came to our home to investigate some smoke. Turned out to be nothing serious, but they had to come into my room. After they left I went to the fire engine and asked them if they were done. One of them asked me weren’t you the person sitting in the room oblivious to what was going on?June 30, 2013 5:56 pm at 5:56 pm #963139
This, presumably, was not a surprise visit though. The hosts had time to put away any articles of clothing or trash that were in plain sight (it really only takes a minute).June 30, 2013 5:58 pm at 5:58 pm #963140
This, presumably, was not a surprise visit though. The hosts had time to put away any articles of clothing or trash that were in plain sight (it really only takes a minute).
So they should clean up their room (only for a minute) to avoid the HUGE offense of locking the door.June 30, 2013 6:31 pm at 6:31 pm #963142ChaimyParticipant
Do you let people know what is in your bank account? Now what do you think is more personal and private, someone”s bedroom or finances or both and even more, whatever it is, picture albums or lots of other things?June 30, 2013 7:05 pm at 7:05 pm #963143CuriosityParticipant
It’s usually pretty obvious which room in the house is the master bedroom, just by the layout of the house. Even if I’ve never been in somebody’s home before, it’s usually quite easy to tell which bedroom is located where, just by seeing the location of the bedroom door. Not to mention that kids’ rooms often have signs and drawings hanging on their bedroom doors and are almost always located in proximity to the second bathroom. At least that’s the way it is in my part of the country.
I don’t know where you live, but I find it highly suspicious that you couldn’t figure out which was the guest bedroom on the first or second guess, and had to try every single door in the house before finally finding the guest bedroom. Then you take offense that they don’t trust you? I say they were justified in their suspicions, and now you are on the defensive. Just say thank you, and stop being so snoopy.June 30, 2013 7:06 pm at 7:06 pm #963144
I agree with the OP. Obviously it’s their house, they have that right, blah blah blah, but it’s clear he was only trying to find his room and if it had been open he would have glanced in, noticed it was the wrong room, and kept looking. And I just think it’s a little bizarre. Like, what are they hiding? Why are they so suspicious?”
JF, do you not think they showed him where he would be staying? No one lets someone into their home without showing them/indicating by note/or having someone else show them where they will be sleeping. I even set out hot cups, bottled water, instant coffee or tea, and my husband who gets up for the Hashkama minyan, puts out milk, sweetener, paper goods and plastic ware, so they have what they need for a hot drink and don’t need to look for it. I leave some cookies or danish, in case someone needs to eat SOMETHING before they go to Shul, as is sometimes the case. And that is WHEN I am at home, in case they get up before I do, so they don’t have to look for anything. I would not let anyone stay by me, if I were not in my house, for exactly the reason that our OP demonstrated.June 30, 2013 7:06 pm at 7:06 pm #963145
I already said it wasn’t offensive. They should clean it anyway.June 30, 2013 7:10 pm at 7:10 pm #963146
JF: Why? Why should they clean it instead of locking it? Why? To avoid what?
Oomis: I like you stand up for the underdog. It’s a good middah. Hasehm is mevakesh the nirdaf. (Really, I’m not being condescending.)
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