June 12, 2019 11:56 am at 11:56 am #1741528LightbriteParticipant
Should choosing your spouse be a logical decision?
It’s really difficult to approach shidduchim from the heart.
I’ve learned that the head must decide first.
Is there a point where most people are totally sure with their decision of who to marry before marriage?
How do you get excited about marriage when it’s basically the biggest decision of your life?June 12, 2019 12:21 pm at 12:21 pm #1741547besod emunaParticipant
It’s like jumping into a cold pool. You gotta just do it. Otherwise you’ll stand on the side forever.June 12, 2019 5:17 pm at 5:17 pm #1741627LightbriteParticipant
Thank you Besod Emuna 🙂June 28, 2019 5:53 pm at 5:53 pm #1749277Grey matterParticipant
After you jump and swim around a bit it’s exhilaratingJune 28, 2019 6:23 pm at 6:23 pm #1749279☕️coffee addictParticipant
Good analogy besodNovember 7, 2019 6:55 am at 6:55 am #1798131Burnt SteakParticipant
My Grandma always tells me. You’ll know when it feels right. And how can you not get excited when you are getting a new best friend?November 7, 2019 1:58 pm at 1:58 pm #1798342The little I knowParticipant
Hope is emotional, not logical. The development of a marriage occurs mostly afterward, not before. The play that occurs before is a charade, a game. No one is doing more than portraying the image intended for the other, and is not real. After the wedding, it is work to connect, bond, and generate the emotional relationship. It is a delicate time. Somehow, most of us navigate it. There are failures, and there are sometimes outsiders (including families) with either noble or evil intentions who try to interfere. It requires major effort to manage this connection plus a huge dose of Syatta Dishmaya.November 11, 2019 9:32 am at 9:32 am #1799229Avi KParticipant
Only if you are a Vulcan.November 11, 2019 11:57 am at 11:57 am #1799302DovidBTParticipant
Only if you are a Vulcan.
But even Vulcans experience Pon farr every seven years.November 24, 2019 3:11 pm at 3:11 pm #1803757knaidlachParticipant
it should mostly be based on logic. but you also need some feelings or at least you see the feelings coming. those that have lots of emotional exciting feelings etc. does not mean at all any better happier marriage. as fast as that excitement came it can also go with one argument. the main connection and bond starts after getting married.
YOU DON’T MARRY THE ONE YOU LOVE, YOU LOVE THE ONE YOU MARRIED.November 24, 2019 3:52 pm at 3:52 pm #1803771
No time to worry about “feelings”, “emotion” and stuff like that. If you are a regular CR reader, you’d be in a state of high anxiety by the age of 16 yo if you were already married and total panic by 18 yo and viewed yourself as a poster child for the shidduch crisis. Go with the first boy who shows any interest in you and everything else will fall into place later on.November 24, 2019 5:11 pm at 5:11 pm #1803817
Correction to my post above: “If you are a regular CR reader, you’d be in a state of high anxiety by the age of 16 yo if you were NOT already married.November 24, 2019 8:32 pm at 8:32 pm #1803859funnyboneParticipant
It should be a logical decision. But, if there aren’t any feelings then something is missing. Figure it out before proceedingNovember 24, 2019 11:10 pm at 11:10 pm #1803902hershhParticipant
after all is said and done. C hssidim have it right. You do your homework and introduce one to the other and most of the time it clicks. children have trust in their parents believing that parents are mature enough to understand their chid’s interest. proof is in the low divorce rate.November 25, 2019 12:01 am at 12:01 am #1803904funnyboneParticipant
Hershh: what is the divorce rate compared to Yeshivish?November 25, 2019 12:28 am at 12:28 am #1803907JosephParticipant
funnybone: Their divorce rate is significantly lower than the yeshivish. Only mentioning this since you asked.November 25, 2019 10:12 am at 10:12 am #1803963flatbusherParticipant
“Logical marriage” makes it sound like a business deal, which unfortunately sometimes it seems that way. Given our way of dating and marriage, there really isn’t that much time to develop a loving relationship, and indeed we do see that love is a factor (Yitzchak loved Rivka, for example in Parshas Chaya Sarah). But there has to be some feelings. Obviously, arranged marriages don’t put a lot of stock in that aspect, and I think that for the most part, people figure they’ll make do. And then others don’t.November 25, 2019 3:58 pm at 3:58 pm #1804334☢️ Rand0m3x 🎲Participant
There are other factors that affect divorce rates, so it might not be possible
to accurately judge the influence of any particular factor by it.November 25, 2019 3:59 pm at 3:59 pm #1804333☢️ Rand0m3x 🎲Participant
indeed we do see that love is a factor (Yitzchak loved Rivka, for example, in Parshas Chaya Sarah)
Calling the parsha “Chaya Sara” is perhaps indicative of the writer’s level of familiarity with it. The verse to which they refer reads “And Yitzchak brought Rivkah into the tent of his mother Sarah and he took Rivkah and she became a wife to him and he loved her and Yitzchak was comforted regarding his mother.”November 25, 2019 6:19 pm at 6:19 pm #1804366
Love meant something very different in the “good ole days”……we bring down from the parsha that Rivkah was initially more focused on Yitzchak’s camels and love came later. With Yaakov avinue, however, it took 7 years of hard labor to lock-in the relationship.November 25, 2019 7:04 pm at 7:04 pm #1804417The little I knowParticipant
Have you used some sort of literary license to interpret the 7 years of Yaakov’s work? And Rivkah being busy with Yitzchok’s camels, what’s your point? Seforim tell us a lot about these events, but what you are sharing here is bizarre. What are your sources, and what on Earth do you mean?November 26, 2019 12:36 am at 12:36 am #1804484
Little I Know….Yes. Just as bizarre as anyone who would seriously suggest that making a decision on a life-long marriage commitment should be undertaken in the absence of emotional connection. The OP asks whether such a decision can or should be made based on logic or love. Clearly, the answer is elements of BOTH.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.