May 4, 2020 10:22 pm at 10:22 pm #1856943
I am looking for a shiduch for myself. I am legit.
I am in my 40s, a talmid chochom (Litvish background) and significant secular education. I work in academia. I have a sense of humor and I am a really compasionate person.
I have never been married. My problem is that I have a mild mood disorder which is totally controlled by psychotropic medication which scares people away. I thought I’d post here as so many people read YWN who knows. Maybe someone knows someone who has her own issue and would be open to it? I am a cohein.
If you have any ideas let me know and we will figure out how to get in touch. I’d probably give out a shadchan’s information to be the go between.May 5, 2020 2:43 am at 2:43 am #1857062Burnt SteakParticipant
This is a website where people post things anonymously. If you want to try internet dating, you have a better chance to meet on a dating website or even an online video game. People on this website might not be who they say they are. For example, by my username, you might assume that I am a filet mignon. However, I am actually a porterhouse.
If you want, I can probably arrange a date for you with my coworker. She’s not religious, but is a very nice person and has a PHD. She is also based in Paris. Let me know if you are interested.
You also need to give us a better idea of what you are looking for. You pretty much said that you are looking for someone with issues and nothing else. What qualities are you looking for in a shiduch? What religious level are you and what are you open to? Are you chasidish looking for only chabad? Etc…
Good LuckMay 5, 2020 2:47 am at 2:47 am #1857070
There are many more older women than older men in shidduchim. At least according to the age gap theory. As such, given that there’s an overabundance of older women without good prospects, due to the demographic imbalance, it would seem the guys should have a comparatively easier time finding a zivug.
P.S. On a completely side-note, we’ve missed DaasYochid for a long while.May 5, 2020 5:06 pm at 5:06 pm #1857367
Thank you for responding.
I like humor so I like the porterhouse v. fillet minjon mashalim. I read Motty Shmuter, the Kichels, and the New Yorker cartoons weekly. I thought by saying I was from a litvish background and saying I am a talmid chochiom it would rule out non frum people.
Since who knows how many people read this I don’t want to give out to many details to protect my own anonimity. On the other hand I thought since so many people read this someone out there might say, gee, my sister is facing the same or simmilar thing. She has anxiety and takes meds and holds a job, has friends etc but also find people aren’t “too excited” when they hear she takes meds. Or maybe she has some sort of disability.
I have no problem getting dates. The problem is when you follow halacha and reveal (which I do). (Obviously following halacha isn’t a problem…). Even when I reveal it people sometimes say “but you look so normal!”. Online? No one online writes-open to nice guy taking meds. Do I have to marry someone with an issue? No. May people taking meds marry people who don’t. But often that is the way it works out. I’ve come to a point where I am tired of the rejection. I am a great guy, funny, smart, employed, sincerely frum, kovea ittim. I learned in BMG (can’t share more details here) and am regular yeshivish not very heavy yeshivish and looking for the same. If you know of someone out there who is in the same predicament maybe its worth a zoom date. We could use an in between shadchan to set it up to ascertain we’re both legit.
ThanksMay 5, 2020 5:11 pm at 5:11 pm #1857408
Only a Zoom date? What about a bshow?May 5, 2020 5:11 pm at 5:11 pm #1857245dvoranParticipant
Please register on Shiduch.org for free and I will get back to you with a suggestion.May 5, 2020 5:48 pm at 5:48 pm #1857416Shimon NodelParticipant
You are not required by halacha to reveal your “issues” up until wedding plans are underway. The smart thing to do is not reveal these things until you’re both ready to get engaged. Of course the possibility of breaking up at that point is all the more heartbreaking and painful, but it’s the logical thing to do if it’s preventing you from getting married. I’d say at least 50% of women would not break it up at such a late stage into the relationship. What matters is how you explain it to her. Rehearse with a friend, talk to your Rebbe.
This may not be in accordance with halacha. Check with your rav. -29May 5, 2020 7:03 pm at 7:03 pm #1857439
What information must even be mentioned altogether during a shidduch? A permanently ingrown toenail? Lactose intolerance?May 5, 2020 9:10 pm at 9:10 pm #1857451
Thanks dvoran. I will.May 6, 2020 1:38 am at 1:38 am #1857526bsharg2Participant
@BenTorah, if you are doing online dating, please don’t disclose your medication and medical issues on your online profile. That kind of information should not be there. It’s going to scare potential girls away.
If you are going to disclose, wait until you’ve at least been in a couple of dates, so the girl can get to know you and see that you’re a normal guy, then disclose. My 2 cents
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