makes me sick

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    is it really necessary for people to use 4 letter curse words which reference body parts/behaviors? a (frum) classmate was upset about a test and was using very colorful and vivid language to describe his anger. its one thing then the goyim do it. i have left the room because of such topics/language/innuendos. but hearing such language from a YID, from s/o who wears a yarmulke on his head and has his tzitzis hanging out, made me sick. my stomach was doing somersaults on its self. besides walking away, how do i handle this? it makes me physically sick even now to think of what he was saying. (note: it was not one word, nor was it one utterance. he said a few words and each word multiple times. he could of gotten his anger across just as effectively with out those words. had it been one words, i could of assumed it was a slip up. multiple times, not really)


    Repeat the words he said, several times to yourself, and then you will be used to them and they won’t bother you so much.


    onegoal, that was uncalled for. if i lose the lunch i just ate, i will blame it one


    Sorry, it was uncalled for. Try looking at the bright side, thank G-d that you don’t use such words and that you were raised in the proper way.


    thats english for you


    i think it was frued who said the subconcious mind hears everything first person, that is when you say “(blank) you” your actually saying it to yourself as well because your hearing it being said


    No, NO. DON’T REPEAT IT! Thank HaShem you’re still sensitive to it. How many of us have ‘downgraded’, desensitized to the dirt, filth and sewage from the street. Keep it up. DO BECOME SICK OVER IT!! That’s just re-confirming that you’re still a ben/bas Melech! You haven’t lost your grandeur despite your surrounding! That is something to admire!!

    What to say to this individual? “Es Past nisht”. It’s not becoming of an orthodox Jew to express himself in such a lowly manner.


    Is this post for real? People, please remember where we are and who we are.


    Bpt: yes the op is real. It really happened. And yes it was disgusting

    ZK: thank you. IY”H the language won’t affect me

    6h that’s interesting. Never heard ofthat.

    Onegoal b”h I’m still sensitive to it. But it’s not from how I was raised rather a conscious decision to watch my language in that respect. I have insulted siblings b/c I have told them to watch thier language. I try to avoid even saying stupid. It’s not an easy thing and hearing Jews talk like that really hurts


    YOU don’t have to get used to it. YOU have to say “I am offended by your language as I am sure others are. If you choose to use this language in your home then thats very sad, but please refrain from using such vile language in front of the rest of us.

    Even when I worked with at-risk kids, I made it very clear that I don’t accept offensive language around me. If I gave kids rides in my car if I hear curse words especially the “f” word I stopped the car. One kid would tell the other, Mrs….does not allow such language around her.


    One more comment, if I may. I may have written about this before. It’s about the concept that speech defines the person. One who puts a conscious effort at refining his/her speech, will end up a more refined, better person. So it really goes both ways. Speech is the outcome (mirror) of a person’s character straits, and a person’s middos, character are the outcome of his/her speech.

    am yisrael chai

    Perhaps it would be constructive if you’d tell your classmate in a non-judgmental way to choose an alternate word and practice that word and put that word into practice instead. Oh, boy. Oh, shoot. Oh, *whatever you choose*.

    You get the idea.

    Oh, great.


    See Shabbos 33a around 7/10 of the way down and fear for K’lal Yisrael. And then realize that you are doing a great job in keeping the world going and use that as Chizuk for all facets of your life.

    ☕️coffee addict


    the friend is probably used to it so much that he won’t keep track of it because he feels it’s ok


    Thank you, Sam, for mentioning that. It talks there about young people dying because of Nivul Peh. I think it is very important for people to realize that, in light of the recent happennings.

    Taking-a-Break, that is really great that you try not to say other, less harsh words as well. Something I try for myself and those I can influence, is not to use fill in words at all. Not to say, I have to write this stupid essay. That word, ‘stupid’, is there as an anger word. It doesn’t mean or convey anything, and would better be left out.

    As ZeesKite mentioned, you are how you speak. Anyone who worked on refining their speach can attest that you come out feeling clean and different.


    Just to follow up on the OP. we got our test marks back at the end of class at the end of the week. This frum guy was in the seat next to me ( origanally I moved over a seat before class when I saw his stuff next to mine but he moved his seat again and when I returned to the classroom there were no othr seats left to move to so I was stuck) and when the teacher announced we were getting our marks back he started using the same language as he had previously. I said to him “can you please watch your language?”. He didn’t answer me and when he got his test mark back he continued in the same manner as before.

    Besides for being more aggressive to stay away from this person, what else should I do? We have a group project in 2 weeks and we are both part of the same group. How do I keep this from negatively influencing me?


    Tab; ‘???

    Stay away, try making it obvious with your body language that you disapprove of his behavior, if it doesn’t help, try regular language.

    College is a place where ehliche people get tested sometimes to the limit, and end up doing things later that they would’ve never dreamed of when first entering.

    So you have to keep your boundaries, don’t become accustomed to thing you feel are not ok. Don’t ever be bullied my your classmates or professors for what you believe in.

    Don’t become desensitized. Sometime a joke from someone

    especially made in public were other blockheads might laugh at it

    will cause a person especially a young woman to question her behavior.

    Don’t let a guy call you a frummy, meaning if he does, it should make you feel proud, don’t ever let anyone play mind games having you second guess your Hashkafah!

    Don’t worry, tab; it not just advice for you,

    it’s general advice coming from some experience and negative experience of others girls in college.

    Hatzlacha Rabboh!


    Thanx B_H for the advice. i think after this incident i’ll make sure to stay even further than i had for the regular tznius distance i kept


    Sam2 and HaLeiVi –

    I agree with the sentiment of the OP. However in all fairness that Gemara does not apply. The Gemara gives an example which demonstrates that it is not four letter words yelled out in anger that it is talking about, but rather talking in an explicitly pritzusdig manner. I would put this in the category of talking ???? ????, and say, as ZeesKite put it, “es past nisht.”

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