Marriage Ready

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  • #607580
    blackhatwannabe
    Participant

    How does one know when the girl he is dating is right for him to be his kallah? How can one be so sure she is the right one?

    #915676
    funnybone
    Participant

    How do you know if you should trust a response in the CR? If it makes sense. Does the girl make sense to you? Think about your priorities and decide if she’s for you.

    #915677
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    When you don’t need to ask.

    When you do need to ask, it might be the right one, but you don’t know it.

    #915678
    akuperma
    Participant

    Ask their grandchildren. They’ll have benefit of hindsight.

    If people waited until they were “ready” the human race would have gone extinct a long time ago.

    #915679
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    Dating is not like shopping for a suit.

    When you shop for a suit, you put one on. If it fits, you try on another one which looks like it will also fit and might be better. And after you try on a bunch, you take the best one.

    When you date: if it fits, you buy it.

    #915680
    Torah613Torah
    Participant

    Good one, PBA.

    #915681
    rebdoniel
    Member

    Speak with people who are experienced with marriage and relationships, and maybe a therapist who can help you sort out your feelings. This is the most important decision you’ll ever make.

    #915682
    phdmom
    Member

    it’s never a “sure” thing, but if you go into it with the right hashkafos, dating for the purpose of marriage, and she fits specific important criteria, and you consult with ppl who know you and can advise you wisely, then you take a leap and pray. important criteria would include common goals and values for today and for the future, attraction and respect, enjoy each other’s company, and appreciate her traits that would lead you to believe that she will be a good mother. if you’re unsure, investigate further. take your time, if you need to.

    #915683
    oomis
    Participant

    No matter how experienced with marriage and relationships others might be, ultimately you have to ask yourself: Is this the person I want to have by my side for the next 50 years or so, helping me raise our children? Can I respect and love this person, not for what I want him or her to be, but for what I see he or she is? Do I want to grow with him/her, and build a bayis ne’eman b’Yisroel? Or am I just into the idea of GETTING married, rather than the reality of BEING married? JMO…

    #915684
    147
    Participant

    I went out with 1 girl for a long while, and on logic everything was making sense and she kept begging me to propose, and yet something was holding me back; Yet when I met another lady not so long thereafter, with less logic, yet some inner feeling told me to propose after a very short time, and B’H we are happily together Ad haYom haZeh.

    #915685
    welldressed007
    Participant

    your heart will never lie your mind might try to convince you. If you have to be convinced it is not for you. So why is it for you, because you cannot explain it. No control factor

    Good luck

    #915686
    old man
    Participant

    After reading all of these posts, I must say that although 147 did not give specific advice, his description of the intuitive aspects of spouse selection hits the nail on the head. Read his post carefully again and follow its implied advice.

    #915687
    artsy
    Participant

    In Bjj, one of the very practical things they teach the girls is how to know when you’re ready to say “yes” to marriage (not to a date).

    u ask yourself 2 questions:

    1. Are you comfortable with him?

    2. Do you respect him?

    If the answer is yes to both questions – that’s all you really need at this point.

    People can argue – but this is the case with most of the world.

    #915688
    interjection
    Participant

    The advice I was given was that when it gets to the point that there’s no more reasons why you would say no, you have to say yes. But like phdmom says, it’s always gonna be a leap of faith.

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