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All kidding aside, what do you do with a guy who doesn’t know when to put down his phone?
r u the wife, friend, mother, father?
speak to him and tell him how you feel when he is constantly playing around with his phone. if that doesn’t work, maybe you can somehow at least start weaning him off of it. start off small. try to get him to go without it for 15 minutes, eventually a half hour, 45 min., an hour….see if that works. might sound childish, but hey, if it works it was worth it!
intorduce him to an Iphone 🙂
get a hold of that amazing ad in the papers (homodia or mispacha) about the father who is holding up alot of presents asking his kids what they want for the afikoman and they say all they want is there tatty to get off the phone and pay attention to them (st like that) boy will it hit home
Wife: Dear husband, please treat me like your cel phone. Talk to me, listen to me, When I fall down please pick me up, take me along with you to where ever you are going, when my energy is low recharge me…
Husbend: Sure I will as soon as you will start acting like my phone. Never talk back or interupt me, dont argue about where to go on vacation, dont ask me for money to go shoping…
sorry, my wife is calling me…
Tell him that you have a new rule at meals. WE turn off our cell phones and enjoy the food and the company. Lets all try that tonight.
I am sick of the Blackberry message alert beep!! It’s all over the place where ever u go!! Why do men keep their blackberries in their pocket if they look at it every 2 seconds?? i think they should attach it to their hands!! no kidding!!
a mamin, if you are talking about what the kids do on their own, then I would tell you “stay out of it”. If you are talking about what he does in front of you, then I would say try that and maybe it will have an effect on him that will carry over to the times when they are alone. The only thing that you can do to be a mashpiah on him is to set a good example. If you meddle in their business you will cause a problem that both of them will resent you for.
should a wife be complaining about using blackberry at home, if that’s what puts food on the table? mealtime is excessive, but in this day and age, people in many professions would be risking their livelihoods by not being accessible outside the normal business hours. now, the kollel guy however……….
a mamin: why don’t you invite a few couples over for either dinner or pastry and coffee, including your daughter and SIL, of course. Then, you can make the suggested announcement about everyone turning off their cell phones. Just say something casually that this evening is for good food and good conversation and that good conversation is impossible with cell phones beeping. It might not be so obvious that you are targeting your SIL.
That’s very smart, so try to lead by example. When you are together be the leader and ask that all phones be turned off so no one interrupts your family get together. If you are visiting with them and he keeps looking at the phone or the phone goes off you might remark “Oh Chaim, the phone again, I was so hoping to enjoy your company for just a short uninterrupted time, is it something very important?” Try to make him feel important and wanted instead of criticizing him about his habit. Try involving him and including him to keep him busy and interested in what’s going on. Make a point of telling your husband, “Tatty, let the machine get it, don’t answer the phone when the kids are here, we can call who ever it is back when the kids leave”.
These are important teaching tools that you are role modeling for them.
While he’s playing with his phone at the table, text him that the people at the table miss him.
dont say anything if your daughter doesnt ask for your advice. and even if she does, i would say you should not show her how bad you really think it is. play it down
I guess the best way is to contact his parents. They can invite them, and point it out. This might not be applicable, though.
They say you tell your daughter off in front of your daughter-in-law. If possible, find an opportunity tell a son or whoever to put their gadget down.
Did your daughter mention to you that it bothers her or does this only bother you?
I am a bit older than the backberry crowd but I have always been a reader at the table type – mail, papers, sefer, etc.- and I know the frustration my family feels with trying to get my full attention so I try to give it to them and it is amazing how hard it is to change this habit but it does come down too giving them the respect they deserve, personally I find one on one quality time easier to manage.
There has been talk in some of the popular Jewish publications about cell phone addictions-and if a person is so highly connected to their phone all of the above won’t help. Also, the younger generation is just different-it is normal to most to text and to get streams of info via these small devices. They do not consider it rude at all. Just think about it-he will probably know about Moshiach’s arrival first!
It is very rude when someone is constantly on their black berry. It’s very addictive which why it’s called “Crack” berry.
If this person is eating in your home, it is up to you to put boundaries on what can and can’t be done at the dinner table. Your home. Your rules. Like children, some adults need to be told how to act appropriately, unfortunately.
Aries your my bro inlaw, I know by the way you write!! Ok now about this marriage did your so inlaw have the decency to invite you to this second marriage??? Having 2 wives isn’t an easy task!!! Maybe he should devorce one??? If he invited your daughter to this second marriage you know all is ok! If not you then have sth to worry about! Your daughter is a big girl and I’m sure she can talk it through with the man she loves if it bothers her. I’m not saying it’s not an issue but I am saying that if you meddle it will just make things worse Chas ve Chas! You want your daughter to be happy so best to take 10 steps back!!
Yes but this is one of those things that could end up being a mother in law- son in law issue whose shalom bayis ramifications far outweigh the rudeness. What matters most is keeping the peace and not starting a conflict. If your daughter is not complaining why bring it to her attention? If he is doing it to a point where it is obviously rude, a rosh yeshiva or an employer or a good friend will tell him. From your daughters perspective, she would most probably wish to believe that you think he is the best guy in the world. Pointing out a fault of his magnifies it in her eyes and begins questions that she may have never thought about: Is he really a rude guy? Do my parents not like him? Why am I with this rude person? What is with my mother? Why does she have to nitpick on my husband? What kind of fight am I going to have to go through with him the next time my mother invites us? Now he has a built in excuse not to go-your mother thinks I am too rude for her table….
Oy please! This can’t go anywhere well. I believe in the in law golden rule: Shut the mouth, open the wallet! NEVER MIX IN!
emunah- thanks for your post. you took the words out of my mouth- but yours came out better!!!!!
a mamin – You are correct for not criticizing but what are your daughter’s feelings? Also, had you known about this character flaw before they were introduced, would it have been a shidduch breaker?
We hope so, too. He probably will. If she has patience to wait, that’s great.
ur daughter sounds like a wonderful women and a wonderful wife.
You should act the same way. If he is sitting at the table waiting for the next course to magically appear in front of him, open up a good book and start reading, eventually he will have to communicate. You have not indicated that he is such a boor that he would be absorbed in his own world, only to join the conversation long enough to say, wheres the food. If it bothers him that when he wants to communicate others are engrossed in their own things, he might figure out all by himself that he is engaged in the same type of rude behavior.
I dont know what type of sense of humor your son in law has, or your relationship with him, but why not try the humorous approach? Why not call his phone, or send him a text asking him if he is ready for the next course, or what he might want for the next course. If he is connected to your facebook or twitter account, perhaps tweet the news that the next course is ready to be served. He might get the hint, or he might ask why you did it which gives you the opening you want to explain how his behavior is rude and boorish.
HaLeiVi, do u really think that will help !??
Your married to a blackberry? sounds like quite a jam.
If he’s your spouse, it is your duty to teach him that although
a blackberry has many features, cooking and cleaning are just some of the exceptions. 🙂
Which one?
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