April 27, 2011 3:39 am at 3:39 am #762238
Haifagirl, I just want to make sure that you weren’t being too serious with that comment, since there are many “only child”s that get married all the time.April 27, 2011 1:27 pm at 1:27 pm #762239
My friend who has an only child lost this child to the most uncooperative machatonim. Her son was what is considered a top boy. Her daughter in laws sister is a shadchon who can even sell the Brooklyn Bridge. Although her son said “NO” after the second date, he was conived to continue till the shidduch happened. My friend and her husband with the help of her father ended up footing 98% of everything.The machatonim said we didn’t need this and that, when they really do. When my friend bought her daughter in law gift, she later saw the mother with the gift who claimed the daughter did not like it. At this point the machatonim have brainwashed her son against them. The son being immature says that he is following Daas Torah.Even though the boys side pay for 98% of everthing, it is the machatonim who tell them how to spend money and direct their lives. It is as if the daughter in law is the only child. I will end with this, that it is up to work things out before any shidduch is finalized. At the engagement everyone is excited and many times the most important things are overlooked. Being an only child is not a factor it’s the people you are dealing with.
This couple recently moved back to U.S.A. with the girls side making all arrangements.They claim they can no longer help financially after three years.Even during this time they kept about 30% of what they said they would. If the kids came for Yom Tov they expected them to pay for the tickets by renting their apartment. When my friend had to pay for the ticket it had to be money up front.
Going back to return to America, my friend was told what part of the furniture they should buy while from the girls side they are giving the couple bedroom and dining room that is 40 years old.They were also told howmuch rent they will pay.
My friend has tenants who moved but behave like children to her. We friends told her to write a will and leave all to them, as they are the ones who treat her as parents!!!..April 27, 2011 8:02 pm at 8:02 pm #762240
Lia – Obviously you are only painting one side, but this is definitely a case of needing family counselling. I’m actually appalled at the friend’s advice to the parents -disown their only child?!? I never heard something so disgusting. If the parents don’t want to or can’t support, let them “Just say No”! Where do the friends have the right to get involved? What do they know about family relationships? It’s a lot of times the outsiders who can permanetly ruin other people’s lives. There is a purpose why there are therapists and this is a classic case of people needing to go to therapy. Friends mix out!April 27, 2011 9:15 pm at 9:15 pm #762241
health- you speak wisely…. i agree with every word of yours…..unfortunately lots of harm is done because friends get involved with things that they should stay out of and can be very convincing and persuasive, causing lots of harm and damage that might never be able to be repairedApril 28, 2011 1:17 am at 1:17 am #762242
Sorry but it seems that you are reading what i did not say. I only listen to what my friend tells me. I am not involved.All i did was get her connected to the Daas Torah who did not answer to her phone calls!April 28, 2011 2:56 pm at 2:56 pm #762243
Lia – Why the guilty complex? Noone accused you of being that friend. This is a case for therapy; I don’t see what this has to do with Daas Torah. There are many frum therapists nowadays whose Haskafos are consistent with Daas Torah.April 28, 2011 10:40 pm at 10:40 pm #762244
please make a misheberach for Joseph. He needs a refuah
Is this a serious by-line under your name? If so, may Hashem give you a refuah shelaima besoch sh’or cholei Yisroel.April 28, 2011 10:46 pm at 10:46 pm #762245
To answer those who might have misunderstood my intent, I am not in any way, shape, or form opposed to my child or your child marrying an only child. I would NEVER reject a shidduch on that basis, and it would be hurtful to the parents of that only child, were that the reason for saying no. BUT – I still believe one should always have one’s eyes open when going into a situation that might potentially be proboematic for them, and boy or girl, if they are the only children, there will probably come a time when their parents may need to depend on them, heavily.
And though it is also true that this can happen when there are more siblings, possibly because of geographic or financial reasons (and there is ALWAYS one sib who is the “nurturer” and the other children are “relieved” not to be called upon too frequently), nevertheless that one child of several children may be the responsible one. This does bear “some” consideration – and then if the shidduch is good, it should go through.
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