Marrying Someone as a Chesed

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  • #607752

    How big an inyan is it to marry someone as a Chesed? And what kind of chesed is it practical to marry someone for.

    I heard the Chazon Ish married his wife even though he knew (beforehand) that she was infertile. I also heard another modern (post WWII) gadol (I heard the name but I forget which) married someone he knew was a very nervous woman.

    #918624

    WIY
    Member

    Wow from the same guy who wants to “practice date” on yenems cheshbon. Spend less time on the internet….

    #918626

    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    Actually, the only marriage that the torah calls a chessed is a brother and sister committing incest.

    #918627

    neenee
    Member

    I wouldn’t marry someone to do chessed, what if that person would only be marrying me to do a chessed

    #918628

    JayMatt19
    Participant

    Didn’t take too long for shmendrick to reappear .

    Troll

    #918629

    besalel
    Participant

    most women believe marrying any man is a chesed.

    #918630

    WIY
    Member

    Besalel

    #918631

    computer777
    Member

    I also heard another modern (post WWII) gadol (I heard the name but I forget which) married someone he knew was a very nervous woman.

    I can easily find out the name of the person, but I won’t ask the person who told it to me, because when I heard it, I didn’t believe it for a second (that he married her as a cheseed because he knew she had mental issues and would have a hard time finding someone to marry her).

    #918632

    computer: It is true.

    #918633

    computer777
    Member

    How do you know it is true? Did you speak to him before he got married and he told you he knows she is a nervous person but he is marrying her anyway? Or you know someone who spoke to him before he got married and got that info?

    #918634

    Do you disbelieve everything you hear? Both you and I, who do not know each other, independently heard this same story. Do you suppose someone spread a bubbe maaisa and its been going around for 40 years? No. This is a well known and accepted gedolim story.

    #918635

    computer777
    Member

    No, I believe a lot of things I hear. Some things I don’t believe. I didn’t say it’s not true. I said I don’t believe it. Just because people have decided that’s why he married her, doesn’t mean I have to believe that that’s indeed the reason.

    Many times people try to figure out why something happens that doesn’t make sense to them, so they come up with a reason that could be plausable. Doesn’t make it fact.

    Instead of saying with certainty that it’s true, you could rather say you believe it’s true.

    #918636

    yep123
    Member

    @computer777 please help me how do i delete a thread that i made on ywn.

    #918637

    computer777
    Member

    yep123: You have to ask the YWN moderator to delete it, either on the thread you createad or perhaps throught “contact” http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/contact.php

    Mod?

    #918638

    Curiosity
    Participant

    I don’t know which gadol this story is said over about, but ask yourself this: Unless the “bubbe maaise” came to light after the wife passed, do you think the gadol in question would reveal the fact that he married his wife as a chessed? Wouldn’t that be a complete disrespect to her if he admitted it publicly?

    #918639

    MDG
    Participant

    said above:

    “I wouldn’t marry someone to do chessed, what if that person would only be marrying me to do a chessed”

    “most women believe marrying any man is a chesed.”

    That sounds like my marriage. My wife is a tremendous baalat chessed.

    #918640

    twisted
    Participant

    sometime it wors out well, as in Boaz and Rus.

    #918641

    HaLeiVi
    Participant

    In most cases, the greatest favor you can do to someone you don’t really want to marry, is not to marry him/her.

    #918642

    shmoel
    Member

    Presumably a baal chesed would want to marry someone with a deficiency.

    #918643

    HaLeiVi
    Participant

    Would you want to marry someone who you know will be married to a fool?

    #918644

    avhaben
    Participant

    This is one of the biggest chasodim that a person could do! Imagine, you will be living a lifetime of chesed. Every day you will be married to your spouse and tolerating her chasorins and helping her along with it. That is piling up chasodim each and every day of your married lifetime.

    Unfortunately I cannot engage in this tremendous form of chesed due to cherem rabbeinu gershom and that I am already married to a wonderful spouse without any chesronos (other than having married me.)

    #918645

    oomis
    Participant

    IMO everyone should view the fact that he or she is married, as an opportunity to do chessed for his/her spouse.

    #918646

    Torah613Torah
    Participant

    There’s a reason the the extreme of Chesed, is Znus.

    #918647

    You’re accusing the gedolim and others who engaged in this “extreme of chesed” of znus?

    #918648

    Curiosity
    Participant

    KH- That’s not what T613 said. She was simply pointing out even chessed can be taken to an extreme. Poshut pshat is that it would be the wrong thing to do to marry someone for chessed unless: 1) you are 110% sure that you will never be bothered by your spouse’s chisaron that makes them a chessed case, and 2) you will never ever make them feel for even a second that you consider your marriage to them a chessed. Unless you are secretly a member of the underground Lammed Vav Society, you are probably not holding by that level of self control.

    #918649

    You do not need to be a lamed vov’nik to reach this level of chesed.

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