Marrying your first cousin

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  • #612879

    My brother was redt our first cousin (both fathers are brothers) and they will be going out on a shidduch date. I know it is not my place to mix in but this seems rather unusual for anyone other than Chasidim, which we are not. Does anyone know if there is any issues with this or if it more common that I assumed? I assume if Chasidim do it, it must be okay even though I never heard anyone other than them doing this.

    #1018864

    Mutar. Many prominent rabbonim have done it. Absolutely kosher.

    However, there is an increased chance of genetic diseases in the kids due to the similarity of the DNA. Also, many people wouldn’t feel comfortable with it, but there is nothing wrong with it.

    #1018865
    amichai
    Participant

    I know 2 families that have married their 1st cousins .

    #1018866
    the plumber
    Member

    It is mutar, but having 6 fingered nephews is not cool.

    #1018867
    ursketching
    Member

    2 of my classmates married first cousins. it may not be the most common thing but theres nothing wrong with it. they each have perfectly healthy babies too…

    #1018868

    The plural of anecdote is not data.

    #1018869
    charliehall
    Participant

    Mutar halachically, but illegal in most of the US. Legal in NY, though.

    #1018870
    zahavasdad
    Participant

    In the US if first cousins marry in NY, its generally recognized througout the US

    #1018871
    ihear
    Member

    I don’t understand… what’s the question? Genetics? Halacha? Attraction?

    #1018872
    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    It[‘s not necessarily healthy, but genetic diseases are not guaranteed.

    #1018873
    writersoul
    Member

    If they’re going out, there’s not much that any CR respondents can say that can change anything…

    …but that’s never stopped all of us commenters before, so full speed ahead :).

    Genetics wise, as people have said, there is definitely increased likelihood of recessive Jewish genetic diseases (Dor Yeshorim is about ten times as important, but that still doesn’t catch everything). I do know/know of people who have done it (including my great grandparents) and had happy marriages, but I have no idea how it worked out healthwise.

    Otherwise, it’s societal norms- but bear in mind that if the shidduch doesn’t work out, family Chanukah parties may get a shtickel awkward.

    #1018874
    Sam2
    Participant

    There’s nothing wrong with it, but if they do then they should probably use a more comprehensive genetic testing program than Dor Yesharim.

    #1018875
    Leah222
    Member

    there is actually a special panel within dor yesharim specifically for cousins considering marrying each other. i know a famly where they had affected sick/niftar children, and they got DY to have this panel available to prevent such future scenarios.

    i forgot its name, but i’m sure if you ask for it, the will know what you are talking about.

    #1018876
    akuperma
    Participant

    First cousin marriages are hardly unheard of, though they are illegal in some jurisdictions (since they were prohibited by canon law, which carried over into some state legal systems).

    If there is a recessive trait in one’s family, marrying a relative is a bad idea, though genetic screening can verify whether it isn’t a problem (in most situations, asuming you know what to look for). If you are marry for a healthy genome rather than things such as midos, love, money, etc., best to marry someone totally unrelated, such as a convert from a region that had no contact with Jews before you met them – but that’s a bit extreme and one doesn’t breed people like livestock.

    #1018877
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    Its better if illegal bec then you can just not have a civil marriage and that won’t even be wrong since you can’t, and then you don’t have all the marriage penalties

    #1018878
    bhe (Joseph)
    Participant

    You can skip the civil marriage and avoid the marriage penalties with anyone, related or unrelated. The gentile world (and some in the religious world too) does it all the time. There is no law, written or unwritten, that one must be married to the person they move in with and/or parent children with. A large portion of American children are born to parents who are unwed.

    #1018879
    akuperma
    Participant

    popa_bar_abba: In many if not most states, if you have a ceremonial marriage without a marriage license (or civil ceremony), your marriage is quite valid and you need a divorce to legally marry anyone else (though the clergy conducting the wedding may have to pay a fine for not checking on the license). People who have a frum wedding and act as if they aren’t married when dealing with the government could be prosecuted for fraud (if in doing so they avoid taxes and claim benefits)- though for most frum people they are better off with the married benefits.

    #1018880
    bhe (Joseph)
    Participant

    akuperma: What financial benefits are there for a couple to be married versus living together unmarried? And living together unmarried is no worse than any of the very many secular gentiles who do exactly that and have children too.

    #1018881
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    Akuperma: right, but not if the marriage is not tofes acc to them.

    #1018882
    yaakov doe
    Participant

    Back in the “old country” such marriages were very common and most of us have great grandparents or great great grandparents who were married to cousins. Of course once they left the shetlach to the US it became much less common.

    #1018883
    Rebbe Yid
    Participant

    If it matters, check out Wikipedia, cousin marriage law in the US by state. In some states, living with your cousin is illegal, and in others, married cousins from another state wouldn’t have their marriage recognized.

    As far as pluses and minuses of being married, a previous poster mentioned the marriage penalty (re: income tax). But it’s only a penalty if the two incomes are similar; if they’re disparate, it’s actually a marriage bonus.

    #1018884
    BOROPARKHELP
    Participant

    We are not Rebbe’s, but most say that we should not marry 1st cousins. I know and heard of cases of non rebbe’s where there were problems when 1st cousins married each other and these cousins were not from big rebbe’s

    #1018885

    ” We are not Rebbe’s, but most say that we should not marry 1st cousins. I know and heard of cases of non rebbe’s where there were problems when 1st cousins married each other and these cousins were not from big rebbe’s “

    I don’t understand what you are trying to say. are you saying that rebish cousins who marry each other are more susceptible to genetic disease than regular cousins marrying each other? less susceptible? and who is this “most say”?

    #1018886
    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    But what if there’s no one else who’s willing to marry you?

    #1018887
    GG yekke
    Member

    R’ AVraham Gurwitz (Rosh yeshiva of GAteshead Yeshivah) married his first cousin (a Lopian)

    #1018888

    R’ AVraham Gurwitz (Rosh yeshiva of GAteshead Yeshivah) married his first cousin (a Lopian)

    Who cares?

    #1018889
    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    You should also consider the awkwardness of dating, one side saying no, and then having to see each other again at family gatherings if you have them.

    #1018890
    YeL61320
    Member

    It happens.

    Its just odd.

    I once met someone whose parents were first cousins.

    What made it even odder was that they were both named after their SAME grandfather.

    Like the husband was daniel and the wife was daniella.

    (names *might* have been changed but you chap the idea)

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