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Matzav Inbox: Rewriting the Story of Acceptance in Our Mosdos
2025 November 27__________________________________________
DISCLAIMER:I did NOT write this article or any part of it.
I do NOT KNOW who wrote this article.
I just copied it exactly, from the Matzav Inbox.__________________________________________
Dear Matzav Inbox,It is no secret that כלל ישראל is going through very challenging times
— spiritually, emotionally, and financially.
We all feel the pressure, and we all know how much רחמי שמים we need.There is one issue, however, that weighs particularly heavily on my heart,
because it relates directly to the future of Torah: שלא תשתכח תורה מישראל.The Gemara in Bava Metzia 85A tells the famous story of רבי חייא,
who went to extraordinary lengths to ensure that Torah would never be forgotten.
He planted flax, made nets, trapped deer, prepared parchment, wrote seforim,
and then taught children — step by step, until Torah was firmly rooted.One thing is clear: רבי חייא did not begin by investigating “who” the parents were,
whether they were from “elite” backgrounds, or whether they fit a certain profile.If there was a Jewish child, there was a נשמה. A child of בני אברהם יצחק ויעקב.
And that meant a responsibility to give that child access to תורה ומצוות.Today, unfortunately, we are hearing more and more stories of Yiddishe kinderlach
who are not accepted into mosdos, or whose parents are put through
an emotionally draining and humiliating process just to receive a “yes.”
Even when a child is eventually taken,
the pain and stress leading up to that point can be enormous.Many of us remember a different reality. When we were children,
there were all kinds of families in every class.
There were stronger homes and weaker homes,
wealthier and simpler, more “yeshivish” and less.And yet, many children from the most “simple” homes
grew into beautiful בני תורה and בעלי מידות.At the same time, not every child from the most respected families
remained on the straightest path. Why?
Because every person has כח הבחירה and unique nisyonos.
We simply cannot judge a child’s future by the external package of the home.Meanwhile, the tuition burden has reached staggering levels.
Families are paying $10,000, $15,000, sometimes far more per child.
Parents are sacrificing half—or even more—of their income for chinuch,
because Torah is precious to them.And yet, instead of always feeling appreciation for that sacrifice,
many parents feel examined and scrutinized,
as if going through an X-ray or MRI.This is not to ignore the complexity on the side of the mosdos.
Running a school is extremely difficult. There are finances, staff,
standards, legal issues, social dynamics, and real concerns about
hashpa’ah. The menahalim and hanhalah are shouldering a heavy load
for Klal Yisroel, and their avodah should be respected and appreciated.At the same time, we cannot ignore the painful stories of
parents crying at night because they don’t know
where their child will be on the first day of school.
So what can we do?A Humble Proposal
Without pretending to have all the answers, I would like to suggest
a communal framework, and ask our גדולי ישראל and
askanim to consider something along these lines:• Every town or city with a frum community should have a clear,
communal responsibility that every Jewish child
who wants a Torah education has a place.• Whether through one designated mosad, or through
a coordinated system among all mosdos, there should be
a no-child-left-out policy for families who are truly seeking a Yiddishe chinuch.• Alongside this, there should be a communal, dignified system
to help families who cannot pay full tuition — similar to how communities
arrange funds for תומכי שבת and other basic needs.This is not about forcing any specific school to change its entire system.
It is about saying, as a community:
“If there is a Jewish child who wants to learn Torah,
we will find a place for that child. Period.”Imagine the קידוש השם if parents knew:
No matter what, if I am trying to do the right thing, my child
will not be left without a school.
Imagine the nachas ruach this would bring to HaShem.I am not writing to criticize, חס ושלום, any particular mosad,
nor to point fingers at specific individuals.
I am writing as a fellow Yid, as a parent, and as someone who
fears for the long-term impact if children feel rejected
by the very system that is meant to embrace them.Our grandparents and great-grandparents who survived the war
would likely be shocked to hear that a frum family who wants
to send their child to a frum school might face closed doors.
After everything they went through to keep Yiddishkeit alive,
can we allow this to be the experience of their descendants?We have the ability — if we choose — to change this dynamic.
With leadership from our גדולים, guidance from experienced mechanchim,
and the heart of Klal Yisroel, we can create a structure
in which every child who wants Torah has a makom in Torah.May we be zocheh that through strengthening the dignity
and inclusion of every Jewish child, we bring more rachamei shamayim
and more siyata dishmaya upon our entire community.A Concerned Community Member
The opinions expressed in letters on Matzav.com
do not necessarily reflect the stance of the Matzav Media Network.{Matzav.com}
__________________________________________
http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/matzav-inbox-the-ache-of-the-empty-seathttp://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/matzav-inbox-a-nation-in-deep-crisis
http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/matzav-inbox-when-the-farher-system-forgets-the-boys
__________________________________________Usually, in children grow up to be quite similar to their parents. There are mishugasin in the mosdos rules, but there are lot’s of things that are legit. If a parent wants their child to have a certain type of chinnuch, the chinnuch they believe in, that have the right to do that. Now, If there’s a school that makes a strong emphasis on not accepting children from home with internet, they not only have the right to, but are obligated to. Because judaism grew so big, with so many different shades, schools tend to cater to specific types. Therefor, making the general statement that robonim should make sure every child should have a school is an ignorant statement, because rabbonim are already doing that. there are plenty of rabbonim and askanm getting kids into schools every year. The problem happens when someone wants to get his child into a school that doesn’t feel like he fits in to their crowd, and they not only have the right to do that, but in some cases are obligated to do that. Every child ends up in a school that learns torah, and if the kid wants to learn, he could. Children don’t make decisions, their parents make it for them. Children “want to education” in proportion to their parents attitude toward torah, and that’s the attitude they go to school with and that’s the attitude that get’s contributed to the school’s environment. Let’s be realistic, the families that send to the school are what create the vibe in the school and what people are seeking in schools is an education that fits their standards.
Ashregg I can see what your saying and that’s a healthy perspective but, why is everything about everybody being the exact same
was this article written 40 years ago, because these suggestions already exist completely. Maybe the author wants to suggest to the gedolim to organize rabbinic boards and trained supervisors to certify kashurs of food items sold as “kosher”, perhaps use a copyrighted symbol on the packaging and call it a “heksher”? Oh, I know, what if we designated both for profit and volunteer askunim who help boys and girls mind their zivig and facilitate the process from their first meeting until the engagement, we can implement a “no single left behind” policy and we can call the askunim “shadchunim”!
I don’t know of any person who does not have an orthodox mosad to send their children to, rather many struggle when the reject the “second-rate” available option for something more to their desired standards. There are “public school” style options in near every Jewish community I know, schools that I don’t support specifically because of the “accept all” policy that damages the student peers as well as usually having other major breaches in ideology, funcing, and curriculum, such as the beis yaakov system in EY as well as the reform movement’s “chinich atzmi”. so too in the tristate are, there are programs like nechumas yisreol and ezer leyeshivos that try to fill their specific needs.
if the author is talking about providing a kosher chinuch, well that would demand a discerning and discriminatory policy to maintain that high standard of insulation, a friction point that by definition has no solution as the friction itself is the feature. any school that would let my kids in easily is not a school I would want to sent to. If you don’t like this mentality, by all means go to the mass market public schools designed for such foolish parents and keep your influence far from the elitists.
Nevuah: It is called human nature. Remember, even hippies, the paragon of free everything-be yourself ideal, dressed the same, had the same hairstyle, rode the same bikes etc.
People need to stop trying to get their children into mosdos that won’t take their children. That’s all. There are mosdos for every level of Yiddishkeit and people need to reflect on where they’re holding and choose accordingly.
nevuah What shayches being the same? Parents have a vision for their children provide ed that’s fits that vision. There are hundreds of christain private schools lehavdel and the parents make the choice based on their vision. I’m not sure what you mean. Do you mean to ask why isn’t everybody the same, Or why children are impressionable and one must be careful with their environment?
Parents can have a vision but is that’s Gods vision?
In the name of “this is what I want” are we losing our humanity in the process?
It seems that the price we pay for “acceptance” has become alot steeper and a lot disconnected from what is really good for us and has become a game of elitism and snobbery. And control.There is way too much deviation from truth in many comments here, including the OP.
1. Money talks. A child whose parents can pay well, even donate to the yeshiva, is more likely to be accepted, regardless of many other factors. Pretty much everyone I know has witnessed this up front, and pretty much every mosod I know practices this way. Yes, we understand that managing the finances of a yeshiva is a difficult task, and funds are direly needed. But we should wonder about the morality of making admission decisions based on the Almighty Dollar when the supposed criteria are spiritual in nature.
2. Mosdos no longer are receptive to input from rabbonim concerning admissions. There is ample case law to share on this. Enough has been published in our media, so there is no reason to give examples.
3. Parents might not always be judging correctly regarding their preferences for where to send their children to yeshiva. But I propose that yeshiva menahalim aren’t either. Resolving these differences isn’t easy, and it always ends up being done by the yeshiva overpowering the parents. Yes, it’s a power thing. And I have a struggle in accepting that this is how the Torah wants it.
4. The notion of “no child left behind” is truly praiseworthy. In smaller communities, this might actually occur. But in the highly populated areas of New York and several locations in the region, this is fantasy. The mosdos are not serving the community, and they do not feel any obligation to aaccept a talmid when there are many other mosdos listed in the yellow pages. The typical attitude of a yeshiva under pressure to accept a talmid is, “Why me?” The reaction should be “I’ll try to succeed with this.”
5. It is true that not every kid fits into every yeshiva. This requires attention by the parents, and once approached, yeshiva administrators need to be the baalei chesed they wish to model for their talmidim, and assist the parents in directing a more appropriate referral.
@nevuah You’re turning this into one of your convos about fundimental beliefs and i won’t fall for it this time. You and i both agree that schools are different from each other, family culture\beliefs and children vary too. There is no one size fits it all. Why can’t you be a bit practical. Yes, there are some cases bad and evil people, but most people mean well and most parents do what they believe is in the best interest for them and their children and most people are not corrupt.
@the little i know The money thing is a necissary evil. Schools need money, That’s just how the world works, and those with money have more power on this world.
“Parents “might” not be judging”, ok. You have no way of measuring that, let alone fixing that. unsmart people are unsmart.responding to your points by number:
1. Who ever claimed the criteria is spiritual and not financial? I know some mosdoses that are “spiritual” in motivation, but that usually makes the admissions process even more discerning and difficult.
2. this is simple motzei shem ru. if you suspect this, probably not a mosad you want to send your child to.
3. the Torah puts demands on the individuals, not systems, per se. in other words, a person asks, “what does Hasem want from me” not “what system can I implement that will do what Hashem wants”. Now a person should, of course, consider if a system is aligned with haluche, but that is a very strange as difficult to leverage framing of the “introspective” question.
4. I do not believe you. There are “second rate” yeshivas eager for paying students.
5. from my limited experience, yeshivas are always eager to refer their rejections to “second rate” yeshivas that would be very grateful to take your poorly-parented children.
4.
TLIK > Mosdos no longer are receptive to input from rabbonim concerning admissions
this is an interesting issue. Once one school guy was giving me an eitzah describing how he with his kid when to such-and-such godol when struggling with his kid. So, I asked him, what godol are they asking when they make decisions about kids, and he did not have a ready answer … this is strange – obviously, professionals should be more equipped in connecting to right advice and maybe are more in need of an eitzah as their own business interest biases them.
There are lots of stories fo R Schach, R Meltzer and others standing up for kids against yeshivos that rejected them. I don’t know though whether these stories scale to affect majority of mosdos.
Ashregg that might be your observation I respect but sometimes it’s an inherint mirror of the true charachtor of people and then of schools. I do agree with what your saying, _if_ the inherint behavour didn’t mirror embedded elitist ideals.
nevuah It can be elitist ideals and in most cases not. I think it’s more about how it’s percieved.
Perhaps but perhaps this is the collective experience of thousands of people. If it really fit with what your saying I don’t think I would disagree but I think we’ve lose our way. And I don’t think I’m the only one who feels this way
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