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DISCLAIMER:
I did NOT write this article or any part of it.
I do NOT KNOW who wrote this article.
I just copied it exactly, from the Matzav Inbox.__________________________________________
Matzav Inbox: The Ache of the Empty Seat (2026 April 21)Dear Matzav Inbox,
I’m writing this because my heart is heavy,
and I suspect I’m not the only one feeling this way.We just went through another month of Nissan and moved into Iyar.
In our circles, this time of year is about Sefirah,
about the mourning for the talmidim of Rabbi Akiva
who didn’t show enough kavod to one another.We talk about it in every shul, we learn the Gemara in Yevamos,
and we warn our children about the dangers of Sinas Chinam.But then I step outside, or I open a group chat,
or I sit at a Shabbos table, and I see a different reality.
I see Yiden — good, erliche Yiden — who can spend
three hours debating a Tosafos, but can’t spend
three minutes acknowledging the neshama
of a brother who wears a different colored yarmulke.I see the way we talk about the “other side” —
the ones who say Hallel today, or the ones
who see the hand of Hashem in the State.We’ve turned our hashkafic differences into
a reason to delegitimize another person’s entire existence.We treat a fellow Jew like a project to be corrected or a threat to be avoided.
I’m not a politician, and I’m not a posek.
I’m just a Yid who is tired. I’m tired of the labels.
I’m tired of the “Us vs. Them” mentality
that has seeped into our kehillos.How can we look at a fellow Yid — someone who is
sincerely expressing Hakaras HaTov to the Ribono Shel Olam,
even if it’s in a way our Rabbanim don’t subscribe to
— and feel anything but a sense of shared connection?We are so quick to judge the method that
we completely ignore the sincerity of the heart.
We are so focused on being “correct” that we forget to be “kind.”The Chofetz Chaim says that the Beis HaMikdash
is waiting for one thing:
for us to stop being “right” and start being brothers.We are so busy guarding the walls that
we’ve forgotten who we’re supposed to be guarding them for.To my fellow readers who feel this “ache” in the middle:
You aren’t alone. It’s okay to love a Jew you don’t agree with.
In fact, it might be the only chumra that actually brings Mashiach.Let’s stop the argument for just a moment.
Let’s try to see the Pintele Yid again.Because at the end of the day, when we
stand before the Kisei HaKavod,
Hashem isn’t going to ask us if we were “right” about the State.He’s going to ask us if we loved His children.
A Pained Reader (Name withheld by request)
To submit a letter to appear on Matzav.com, email [email protected]
The opinions expressed in letters on Matzav.com do not
necessarily reflect the stance of the Matzav Media Network.To SQUARE_ROOT
This thread really gets it. Rabbi Miller said that a person can keep the Torah and still not have any idea as to what Judaism really is. A person has to think about what Hashem wants from us and not only what He tells us.
“Because at the end of the day, when we
stand before the Kisei HaKavod,
Hashem isn’t going to ask us if we were “right” about the State.He’s going to ask us if we loved His children.”
How do you know that? Maybe He’s going to ask why didn’t we stand up for K’vod Shamoyim. Please don’t try to tell us what HaShem is going to ask at the final Din V’Cheshbon; Nobody knows that.
It’s called dehumanizing others. And I’ve seen this behavior time and time again.
Means there’s some sort of rot in our bones or arragence or lack of humanity.
Not sure whichIt’s a terrible situation.
Personally, I wear a colored knit kippah. I’m not trying to make a statement with it or anything like that. I started wearing knit years ago, only because I found it more comfortable. When I first switched, I wore black ones. One day, my wife told me she likes the look of the colors, and said it would make her happy if I wore colored kippot. So I started wearing them, because my wife is happy with it.
To me, it doesn’t matter what type someone wears on their head, as long as they have something there. But I actually had someone who works in a kiruv organization once say to me, “You need to take that silly colored thing off your head, and replace it with a plain black one!”
Absolutely disgusting.To Koifer
If, at 120, Hashem asks me why I didn’t go Baruch Goldstein and blow up the Knesset, I’ll tell him that Rav Moshe, the Gadol and Posek Hador supported the State once it came into existence. Checkmate.
To DaMoshe
Many years ago, I started attending a certain shul. The Rabbi approached me and said that I should start going to the Mikveh on Erev Shabbos, my minhag is to go only of Erev Yom Tov. Not long after, I discovered that this Rabbi is a notorious thief. I’ve come to realize that people who tell others what they should do generally do so as a defense mechanism because they have no desire to address their own weak points.
DaMoshe> actually had someone who works in a kiruv organization once say to me, “You need to take that silly colored thing off your head, and replace it with a plain black one!”
You should kiruv this guy too! (is kiruv also a verb?)
When my kids run kiruv events, they sometimes get “frum” kids coming, attracted by fun and food. Some/not all of these kids are also not demonstrating good middos in general and towards less observant kids especially. My kids were pondering whether it is a misuse of sponsor funds to feed them. I suggested that I’ll sponsor that food if they do kiruv for these kids and train them in middos!
My inspiration is an apocryphal story about a gerer chosid coming to the Rebbe and mentioning, inter alia, that he goes to a certain “baal teshuva” shul, although he himself is not a baal teshuva. Rebbe raised his eyes and said – and why are you not?!
I dont speak to “frum” people who are gay, have uncovered knees and elbows (women) have prostitute length wigs, etc. I’d rather speak to an non-frum Jew who was never frum than many “frum” Jews at this point. I see frum women in the medical field wearing pants and wigs. It is a lav in the Torah that women can’t wear mens’ clothing, it is insane that they ignore this halacha and call themselves frum. Ive seen women in shorts who call themselves Orthodox Jews because they claim that not following just one halacha doesnt make them not frum… unfortunately, many who consider themselves Orthodox Jews are trampling on basic Torah laws. I believe that not befriending those who publicly violate basic halachas is standing up for Hashem and that is what Hashem wants.
phil> frum women in the medical field wearing pants and wigs. It is a lav in the Torah that women can’t wear mens’ clothing, it is insane that they ignore this halacha and call themselves frum.
Slow on this point. These are not necessarily men’s pants. One of our daughters looked once into wearing pretty tzanuah pants for skiing, and the psak seems to be that it is easier to permit pants for lawyers for work purposes than for leisure event.
Philosepher this is what happens when the focus is conformity and not morality. When you don’t teach morals and right and wrong and instead turn to suffocating people by impossible fuels eventually they lose touch with those rules and do whatever they want.
Principles, not rules need to be the name of the game*fuel=impossible rules/conformity that doesn’t fallow logic
What happens is that for some people the rules become so suffocating they become rebellious. And because there is no real life consequences behind them, like when someone does something morally wrong, people lose touch with caring.
It’s a catch 22To SQUARE_ROOT
Many years ago, I attended a Gemara shiur given by Rabbi Miller. He called on his two best students to say it over, but they weren’t able to do so. The Gaon remarked, “If these two Tzaddikim don’t understand the Gemara, I didn’t explain it properly.” I blame myself for not being clear in my post. What I meant is that if we follow the NK lovers’ belief that the only Mitzvah of the Torah is to destroy the State of Israel then if Hashem will ask me at 120 why I didn’t act like Boruch Goldstein i.e. the NK’s concept of Dr. Goldstein a Jew hating madman I’ll answer that Rav Moshe supported the state. Hopefully this clarifies what I meant. As for your statement that you aren’t attacking me, I don’t mind being challenged, it gives me the chance to elaborate on my position. Hey, we’re on the same side and it’s the right side, it’s Hashem’s side. We’re good.
To SQUARE_ROOT
Rav Moshe Feinstein of course. His position was that he wasn’t necessarily in favor of establishing the State, but once it became a reality, he said that it has to be supported because of all the Jews who live there. I don’t know if this statement is in writing but growing up in his neighborhood that’s what I always heard. Therefore, this idea that every Gadol is anti-Israel is total hooey.
I saw this quote without exact attribution:
R. Moshe Feinstein was asked about the prayer for the state of Israel. He said that it should be modified to indicate a Hopeful Zionist view, instead of a Messianic Zionist approach. The text, as he recommended, is as follows: “Our Father in heaven, the rock of Israel and its redeemer, bless the state of Israel that it become the beginning of the sprouting of our Redemption (she-t’hei reishis tzemihas ge’ulaseinu).”Also, here are 2nd hand quotes found online, please double-check
R. Yosef Eliyahu Henkin was adamantly opposed to the position of the Satmar Rav. He wrote:
I was shocked to read in Chomoteinu of Cheshvan 5719 the slanderous notion that we are required to give our lives (limsor nefesh) to frustrate and resist the efforts of the State of Israel in its struggle against those who would rise up against them. This was stated as a p’sak din based on what we learn that Israel is restricted from rebelling against the nations (Ketubot 111a)… Now all the rabbis who were opposed to Zionism and the establishment of a state took up that position until the time that it was officially founded. Once the state was declared, anyone who plays into the hands of the nations of the world even where there is no imminent danger, is clearly a moseir and rodeif. All the more when there is danger to destruction of life in so doing… Surely, those who recently emigrated must be very weary of the state’s efforts to strip them of their Torah way of life, but to proclaim that anyone who aids the state is a rodeif, well such talk is the severest form of redifa.
Seidei Esh, “Herzl, the Man of Religion”
R. Ovadiah Yosef Yabi’a Omer, vol. 6, Orah Hayim nos. 41-42 about yom haatzmaut
Torah She-be-Al Peh (16, 5734, pp. 19-20), “I wish to emphasize first that the state of Israel and independent Jewish reign in our holy land is of the highest historical and religious significance.”R. Ya’akov Kamenetsky writes in his Emes Le-Ya’akov Al Ha-Torah (Exodus 12:2 n. 17): It is incumbent on us to understand that the establishment of the state of Israel in our day, after the the great destruction and despair that overtook the remnant, and given the desperate and destroyed status of Russian Jewry, God caused the establishment of the state of Israel in order to strengthen the connection to Judaism and to sustain the link between the Jews in exile and the Jewish nation.
Mikhtav Me-Eliyahu, vol. 3 pp. 349-353
R. Eliezer Silver. Every year Silver publicly supported Bond of Israel dinner. Following the Balfour Declaration in 1917, Silver marched in a New York Zionist parade in its support. Silver later participated in a Mizrachi conference. Afterwards, at an Agudah conclave, there were those who desired to disbar Silver. It was reported that Rabbi Kotler opposed this request… [AAQ: I believe they had a personal connection and r Kotler took a train to see R Silber after arriving to US].
significance of whether Israel would win recognition as the Jewish state was so strong that R. Teitz left a radio on in his study over Shabbat, November 28/29, 1947, in order to hear the vote in the United Nations… 1948 essay “A Key [or, An Opening] To Redemption” .. He thought that the founding of the state of Israel eliminated most of the differences between Agudath Israel and Mizrachi, which had centered on the question of whether there should be a Jewish state at all. Once this question had been answered with a fact, the parties should cooperate. R. Teitz met regularly in 1948-49 with a group trying to create a united religious front in Israel, but the two groups elected to remain separate.
To Always
Thank you for this submission. Obviously, there’s no way to get through to the haters like ujm and Hakatan, just as there’s no way to get through to the atheist nevuah. I know you didn’t believe me initially about that kofer, hopefully you now see that I’m right.
I’m not justifying but only trying to explain part of the reason these hostilities exist. It’s not so much the kippa itself, but the group it identifies with. It’s not a secret that many (not all) in the dati leumi camp for example have many hashkafic ideology issues that are simply not kosher in the charedi circles. Serving in the secular Army for example which constantly throws arrows at the religious way of life and even those who serve are constantly complain about what’s going on there, affects a person’s religious level whether you like it or not. Then they go to secular University. Then you see what some of their weddings look like. Always mixing secular and mixing secular and you end up having people that are mostly secular, even though their heart still Beats Jewish love for the land. In the more Ultra Orthodox circles all this mixing is unacceptable because they have seen the result. And now we see how much hatred comes from them towards the ultra Orthodox that they will even go to secular media to belittle and berate even the biggest rabbis that they don’t agree with. The clothes only magnify the label, even if the person wearing all that 100% doesn’t think this way. So there is skepticism on both sides of each other and it leads to intolerance. How to fix it? Almost impossible to do unless every group is willing to accept the other and it has to be in both directions, not just Ultra Orthodox toward dati leumi… I doubt any jew is upset we got yerushalayim back in 67. But the politics behind the holiday made it a day not everyone can celebrate comfortably.
rebEmes> Serving in the secular Army for example which constantly throws arrows
look at Chofetz Chaim’s Mahaneh Yisroel where he addresses Jewish soldiers in the Russian army with love and teaches them how to deal with the situation. I understand your “circles” do not like positive attitude towards serving in the Army, I get it. But you can really see most of those who do serve as “anusim” – yes, they are willing to join Tzahal but not because they love shooting but because the whole country needs protection and they honorably participate. So, maybe then you can try emulate Chofetz Chaim and provide whatever help you can to those Jews in the army.
How do you know they’re not joining the Army simply because there’s a draft and the only other option was to sit and learn the entire day which many are not necessarily interested in doing? That is the main reason that many of them are in the army, they didn’t exactly have a choice. Let’s see what happens when there’s a choice. Not that I don’t have respect for soldiers, I have a great gratitude toward them. But I’m not going to simply just ignore the Giant list of Chief rabbis of our time that speak about the spiritual risk of serving, I don’t even need to hear it from them I already know people who served myself and I saw what happened to some of them, they’re not stupid and there is significant concern
Reb emes. I know I’m always bashing your side but I want to adress a little incongruicy in what you said. To make clear what is actually wrong here.
“Almost impossible to do unless every group is willing to accept the other”
But you said all that after first saying this:
“Then you see what some of their weddings look like. Always mixing secular and mixing secular and you end up having people that are mostly secular, even though their heart still Beats Jewish love for the land. In the more Ultra Orthodox circles all this mixing is unacceptable because they have seen the result”Do you think chariadim will ever except anyone, anyone at all outside their circles? Lol
See how the above two sentences contradict each other. First saying we need to accept everyone and then showing how unnacepting we are because of very strict norms. Seems to me the unnaceptance is coming from _within_
Not knocking just pointing out.
Change needs to come from the more extreme side.
As the more open side…..is more open by nature….Seems it is we who need to change. And judging from their “bashing” it might be anger at the unforgivness we do not give anybody. Even ourselves.
rebEmes> How do you know they’re not joining the Army simply because there’s a draft and the only other option was to sit and learn the entire day which many are not necessarily interested in doing? That is the main reason that many of them are in the army, they didn’t exactly have a choice.
I was making same supposition – then they’ll be like those soldiers in Russian army whom Chofetz Chaim addresses with so much love and help, and calls communities to assist those soldiers with whatever they need, including kosher food. So, if you are not joining them, you shoud at least find ways to help them and show them that you are their brother.
To your point, there are many people who are both interested in learning and also don’t think it is proper to avoid service when they are needed.
This attitude is not new – it goes back to first pages of Bava Basra where a student asks Rabbi for food during famine and refuses to admit that he is learnt as a condition of getting food “feed me like you would feed a dog” – in order not to benefit from his Torah learning.And as we discussed here before and most people on both sides of the issue agreed that “learning” is a red herring here – those who are not learning
but, in a very modern way, “identify as charedim” also do not go and community stands by them. Appeal to “learning” is to make a better argument and this is an even worse misuse of Torah in my opinion.
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