February 6, 2011 8:35 pm at 8:35 pm #594822Yosel11Member
I know this is something that may of been mentioned before. and if not, something that no one wants to think about.
What is the story with a man responding to a lady’s post in the coffee room, and vice-versa.
I’ve read comments and followed the forums for a while. Is this a breech in tznius?
Yes, we dont know who the poster is, but can it affect someone’s sholom bayis, that this guy has a better sense of humor then my husband, or vice versa?
We are a ?? ????, and would never want to do anything wrong.
What are your comments?
what do you think the gedolim would say?February 6, 2011 8:40 pm at 8:40 pm #739058popa_bar_abbaParticipant
To take this a step further;
Would it be ok for a single guy to pretend to be a single girl?
Or a married woman to pretend to be single?
Or for a bubby to pretend to be a bochur?
Does that impact the tznius question?February 6, 2011 8:42 pm at 8:42 pm #739059
if you think it will affect your shalom bayis, you should stay out of the coffee room.
What would the gedolim say?! We know darn well what they’d say: “Get off the internet!”February 6, 2011 9:04 pm at 9:04 pm #739061Sender AvMember
What about ogres? or people with multiple screenames?February 6, 2011 9:07 pm at 9:07 pm #739062
yosel…I for one am going back to my Amish life at the end of this week.February 6, 2011 9:09 pm at 9:09 pm #739063
reminds me of an old joke.
where does a 2-ton ogre drink coffee?
any place it wants!
ka-chingFebruary 6, 2011 9:58 pm at 9:58 pm #739064smartcookieMember
Or for a bubby to pretend to be a bochur?
You mean, for a Bachur to make believe he’s a Bubby. Chayav’s a very young Bochur alright. He’s got a lot to learn in life until he becomes a Bubby.February 7, 2011 1:45 am at 1:45 am #739065
I think he improved in the CRFebruary 7, 2011 2:32 am at 2:32 am #739066EzratHashemMember
What’s the options? To have moderators make a separate chat for men and women, then rely on the honor system?February 7, 2011 3:55 pm at 3:55 pm #739067
In a perfect world there wouldn’t be internet, period. In a better world there would be internet with no chat rooms. We live where we live so I think the gedolim are happy when we’re on YWN and not elsewhere.
Personally, I’m happy my sensitivities to Tznius haven’t dulled yet to a point where I don’t see anything wrong with this. Unfortunately, other people’s have.February 7, 2011 4:07 pm at 4:07 pm #739068
Please don’t judge.February 7, 2011 4:09 pm at 4:09 pm #739069winny1Participant
Maybe Chayiv will become a zaidy but certainly not a bubby if he is indeed a bachur as suspected.February 7, 2011 5:54 pm at 5:54 pm #739070Pashuteh YidMember
Mytake, in a perfect world there wouldn’t be internet??? What about telephones and dishwashers and cars?February 7, 2011 6:33 pm at 6:33 pm #739071
The odds of all the dishwashers and cars and telephones of the entire world accomplishing what one internet site can are slightly low, wouldn’t you say?February 7, 2011 6:38 pm at 6:38 pm #739072SJSinNYCMember
mytake, if the internet and chatting is so terrible, why are you participating on YWN?
I think in a perfect world, the internet would be 100% clean according to my standards 🙂February 7, 2011 7:01 pm at 7:01 pm #739073
Because I am not perfect.February 7, 2011 7:05 pm at 7:05 pm #739074real-briskerMember
PY – Do you find anything negative about a dishwasher?February 7, 2011 8:06 pm at 8:06 pm #739075
In a perfect world there would be a perfect internet and perfect chat rooms.
You are right. This issue has, in fact, been discussed already. No one brought up your idea of finding someone else’s humor better than your spouse’s. Actualy, that’s pretty humorous, too. Would you ban reading newspapers or magazines, for fear of the same thing?
Most people here are posting to the audience, and are not having personal conversations. The problem with cross-Mechitza conversations in this CR, isn’t that it will get people into trouble. It is an issue of Vekidashta.
I do recall an instance of a man-girl hee hee giggle giggle conversation here. It was pointed out and stopped.February 7, 2011 8:38 pm at 8:38 pm #739076
I am sure we can find SOMEONE out there willing to ban dishwashers. They promote laziness & give women too much free time, which is why women are on the internet.February 7, 2011 10:45 pm at 10:45 pm #739077real-briskerMember
Shrek – I am talking in all seriousnessFebruary 7, 2011 10:47 pm at 10:47 pm #739078popa_bar_abbaParticipant
Maybe by “dishwashers” he means “women”.February 7, 2011 10:49 pm at 10:49 pm #739079always hereParticipant
“It is an issue of Vekidashta.”
what does this mean, please?February 8, 2011 1:05 am at 1:05 am #739080
I actually meant Kedoshim Tihyu.
What it means is that it is in itself a problem, not because of what it would lead to. The types of conversations that cross-Mechitza kiddings around become, even when not face are still Erva in nature. This is obvious to an outsider who can watch, or sense, all the giggling which is unique to that type of conversation.February 8, 2011 1:39 am at 1:39 am #739081
Do you see it here?If so,do you “speak up”?February 8, 2011 1:56 am at 1:56 am #739082always hereParticipant
thanks for the explanation.
I must admit it did feel strange @ first (CR cross-mechitza chats); I’ve never been in a chatroom before.
just as an aside, tho’– half the time I thought a screen name was one gender, it turned out I was wrong. hmmm
‘posting to an audience’: I like that.February 8, 2011 4:13 am at 4:13 am #739083chayav inish livisumayParticipant
eclipse thank u very much for the compliment. but in reality i am a bubby that pretends to ba a bachur so that i can say all the things that i have always wanted to say.
Keywords:alter hime, amuligiyuren, zeeskite,einikel
and my einikel can back me upFebruary 8, 2011 4:17 am at 4:17 am #739084
y.w.February 8, 2011 5:09 am at 5:09 am #739085oomisParticipant
Anyone feeling there is a problem, should not be here. Simple and obvious solution. We cannot KNOW for certain who is who, but I assert that I am in fact a middle-aged Bubby, and grateful for that zechus and role in life.February 8, 2011 5:58 am at 5:58 am #739086Chayav's EinikelMember
of course you’re my bubby and i luv you so much. by the way, can i have my shaver back? you borrowed it last week after your birthday party (when mommy bought you that pair of tzitzis for a present)February 8, 2011 1:30 pm at 1:30 pm #739088
Real-Brisker, any object in the world can be used for good or for bad purposes. I can use a pencil to write divrei torah, and I can use the same pencil to poke someone in the eye…The tool is a tool. Internet? Can be used for horrible things. Can also be a powerful tool for the good. One day Moshiach’s arrival will be the top story on every website in the world.February 8, 2011 3:21 pm at 3:21 pm #739089hanibParticipant
actually, i was wondering what the CR will be like when mashiach comes. Will chat rooms be Va’ad mussar rooms?February 8, 2011 3:42 pm at 3:42 pm #739090
Real-Brisker, any object in the world can be used for good or for bad purposes. I can use a pencil to write divrei torah, and I can use the same pencil to poke someone in the eye…The tool is a tool. Internet? Can be used for horrible things. Can also be a powerful tool for the good. One day Moshiach’s arrival will be the top story on every website in the world.
Yes, but the yetzer hora for the bad things online is very, very, strong.February 8, 2011 4:34 pm at 4:34 pm #739091
if it has tremendous potential for harm, it must also have tremendous potential for good. Kiruv organizations can reach out much more effectively and easily…Aish.com gets gazillions of hits…there are loads of learning opportunities online, lectures and mp3s that can be downloaded for free…
I’m not disagreeing that the internet can be harmful. Used irresponsibly it is dangerous. But the same can be said for Tylenol.February 8, 2011 5:01 pm at 5:01 pm #739092Pashuteh YidMember
I was taking umbrage at the statement that the world would be better if there was no internet. The internet started as a way to send msgs and files among 7 research universities. Then more and more applications and uses came into being. But the idea of linking computers together is not at all traif, and is quite useful.
One cannot turn back the clock of technology and go back to the stone age. One must improve the world that is here now. Would the world be more perfect without cameras? It is actually cameras that cause the problems you refer to on the internet. People post photos and videos. Why blame the internet, and instead make a campaign to forbid cameras. Would anybody make a statement that in a perfect world there would be no cameras? But they have brought a lot of joy to people over the years, in addition to many educational and professional uses.
Saying what SJS said, that in a perfect world, there would be no improper sites on the internet makes much more sense than saying in a perfect world there would be no internet.February 8, 2011 7:59 pm at 7:59 pm #739093
I’m not disagreeing that the internet can be harmful. Used irresponsibly it is dangerous. But the same can be said for Tylenol.
Any responsible parent keeps Tylenol away from the reach of kids who may want to try it. Adults have no desire to overdose on Tylenol, so it doesn’t need to be locked away from them. If someone was trying to break a bad crack habit, we would all agree that they should not have any accessible in the house. Unfiltered (or poorly filtered) internet would fit that category.February 8, 2011 8:35 pm at 8:35 pm #739094cherrybimParticipant
The internet was created to dispense and make Torah available to all Yiden and to alert the entire world in an instant of the arrival of Moshiach.February 8, 2011 9:41 pm at 9:41 pm #739095
DY, no one would keep crack in the house because there is no possible healthy use for it.
Maybe a comparison to alcoholic beverages makes more sense. Most people can have wine or whiskey in the house without problems. But some people can’t drink responsibly. Those people should not keep alcohol in their homes. And of course a smart parent keeps an eye on the kids, making sure they aren’t getting into the booze.February 8, 2011 10:51 pm at 10:51 pm #739096i am hereMember
Whoever has a problem can leave its fine with everyone. i guess for the sake of just saying it everyone just has to watch for there own selfs and comments to the opposite gender.February 8, 2011 11:01 pm at 11:01 pm #739097
DY, no one would keep crack in the house because there is no possible healthy use for it. Maybe a comparison to alcoholic beverages makes more sense.
Conceded. I think most people (regarding unfiltered internet) would then be analogous to an alcoholic.February 8, 2011 11:29 pm at 11:29 pm #739098
so now there seems to be some level of agreement…how dull!February 8, 2011 11:55 pm at 11:55 pm #739099rtParticipant
please take a nap…February 9, 2011 12:02 am at 12:02 am #739100i am hereMember
so u dont have to agreeFebruary 9, 2011 1:27 am at 1:27 am #739101
Cherry, I hope I don’t find out that way.February 9, 2011 1:22 pm at 1:22 pm #739102
HaLeivi, you would prefer one of those automated phone calls?
“Hi, this is Moshiach. I am happy to announce that after numerous avoidable delays I am finally here. We are currently trying to organize the schedule for services in the third Beis Hamikdash. Press 1 if you are a Kohein. Press 2 if you are a Levi. If you are unsure of your status, stay on the line and a representative will be with you shortly.”February 9, 2011 3:19 pm at 3:19 pm #739103
And then you’d have to give your credit card info.February 9, 2011 9:33 pm at 9:33 pm #739104Shticky GuyParticipant
Continued… You have Pressed option 2 for Levi. You now have 2 further options. Press 1 if you can play a musical instrument. Press 2 to choose which avoda you prefer to help with.
You have pressed option 1.
If you play the flute press 1. For the lyre press 2. For the harp, 3. If you have a melodious voice, press 4. We already have sufficient volunteers for the trumpets.
For directions to yerushalayim press 0 for an operator or use a sat-nav. Alternatively wait for the EaglesFebruary 9, 2011 10:18 pm at 10:18 pm #739105
so now there seems to be some level of agreement…how dull!
Agreement is not dull, it’s exciting 🙂February 9, 2011 10:40 pm at 10:40 pm #739106
Shticky, pretty close, but I play the Nevel and it’s not on your list.February 9, 2011 11:26 pm at 11:26 pm #739107Shticky GuyParticipant
HaLeiVi: I didnt include nevel cos we have enough of those too. In fact all 100 of the Israeli Nevel Brigade who are Levi’im have volunteered. But some cant prove their yichus so we’ll have to wait and see if their claims hold water.
I for one am going back to my Amish life at the end of this week
I didnt know you were amish. I always thought you were hamish…
From the corny Shticky Guy;
Kernel-In-ChiefFebruary 10, 2011 4:35 am at 4:35 am #739108stamagoyMember
ok there are many things wrong with everyone’s comments on this post:
1) there aredefinitely many things wrong with chatting on the internet especially with people of the opposite gender. As “always here” said in the beginning it felt very weird and he did indeed talk to people whom he thought were a different gender than they actually were. this means that when it stops feeling weird you are just desensitizing yourself and lowering your standards. i feel like its sort of like dating. In the beginning when you first start commenting you just state your ideas. After your 6th or 7th comment you feel comftorable enough to start adressing others by their first name. That is very innapropriate especially for different people of differant genders of differant ages!!
2) its true that things can be used for good and bad, but there is a difference between what is good and can be used for bad and what is bad and can be used for good. The internet would fall in to the second category.
3) i think its very sad that people will be going on to the internet as soon an moshiach comes, to see everyones responses-dont be such a yenta! Focus on doing teshuva.
i think anyone who disagreees with this is just closing thier eyes to this sad but true state that our generation is in
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