Men marrying younger women: Chassidic vs Yeshivish

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  • #1340899

    Lightbrite
    Participant

    According to an article from Date-O-Nomics, “There is, however, one major cultural difference between the two groups: Hasidic men marry women their own age, whereas Yeshivish men typically marry women a three or four years their junior” (Birger).

    Is this generally accurate? Chassidic men marry women their age – While Yeshivish men generally marry women 3-4 years younger than they are?

    Thank you 🙂

    #1340948

    Joseph
    Participant

    That is accurate to a certain extent. It is accurate that Chasidim most frequently marry the same age. By the Yeshivish more frequently the groom is a few years older than the bride.

    #1340950

    Sadigurarebbe
    Participant

    yes lightbrite this is why the litvish have a self inflicted shidduch crisis

    #1340972

    CTLAWYER
    Participant

    We are Misnagid of Litvak and German stock, but many generations in America.
    Personally I think the ages of the couple should be reasonably close (within 5 years), but it doesn’t matter who is older.
    My eldest brother is three years younger than his wife (married more than 50 years)
    My eldest sister is three months older than her husband (married 47 years)
    My eldest nephew is three years younger than his wife….the wife was his older sister’s college roommate and the sister fixed them up knowing they were a match….yesterday was there 20th anniversary.
    My eldest son is a year younger than his wife…they finished law school together and married the next week.
    (married 17 years)
    I’m two years older than Mrs. CTL. Our mothers fixed us up when she was a senior in college and I was in final semester of law school…we’ve been married more than 45 years.
    I have a female cousin who married a man 12 years older than herself. They had nothing in common to talk about. The shadchan kept telling her what a great catch this was….her mother kept saying if he’s a great catch why was he single so long? The marriage lasted about two years, then divorce. A year later she married a man her own age…..(married 35 years).

    #1341094

    Sadigurarebbe: This has become the most recent mantra of “self inflicted crisis”. Sorry but I believe there are many other factors as to why we have a “crisis” (and yes I currently have children in the shidduch process). These include “support” for “X # of years, girl/boy too short or too tall, girl/boy overweight, boys not wanting to travel outside of their home city to date girls in other cities, boy/girl wants to live in EY, intensive pre-first date investigations, irrelevant issues brought up by either set of parents, and on and on.

    #1341116

    Joseph
    Participant

    lot112: All the other issues you mention wouldn’t contribute to the real issue of their being more girls than boys looking for a shidduch.

    #1341180

    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    There are plenty of boys but they’re all chassidic.

    #1341216

    iacisrmma
    Participant

    joseph: I have read many of the articles and ads about the “age” gap. Does anyone have actual accurate numbers to back up this claim? Yes I know there are many young ladies and woman looking for a shidduch. Yet, is it really wrong to try and be meshadach a 25 yoa male and a 21 or 22 yoa female?

    #1341246

    Health
    Participant

    LB -“whereas Yeshivish men typically marry women a three or four years their junior”

    I started a topic called -“Who wants to be a Tzaddaikis like Rus”!

    I haven’t got any applicants as of yet!

    #1341234

    chymee
    Participant

    Dear Joseph : I’m writing from a Shadchan’s point of view,
    The reason that there are more girls than boys can’t find their BASHERTE is because, the girl will usually tell her friends secretly that she’s dating tonight, the girl takes her phone along to record the whole shmuz, they then go back to their friends listening to the recording, her friends then discourage the Shidduch, then it goes on & on & on, again and again, it’s like a sport & a game, they’re not at all serious about getting engaged, until they get older & pretend that they’re now mature enough to get married,
    & whilst I’m at it, I’ve heard from the Skvere Rabbi that his opinion in getting married young is because, like this neither the boy nor the girl are yet mature enough, so they grow up slowly together, by the time they reach 25 they know each other’s תכניות הנפש, as opposed to the Litvish world they only get married once they’re both mature enough, so each other’s demands are different, I’m not in any way condone the Litvish way, it’s just the thaught.
    May all boys & girls find their BASHERTE quickly & easily, &(In my opinion) young,,, good luck

    #1341409

    Joseph
    Participant

    chymee: You make some interesting points that I could even agree with, but nothing you wrote — even if all true — explains why there’s more girls than boys in shidduchim in the Litvish velt.

    #1341437

    Mammele
    Participant

    Joseph: why does Chymee need to explain something that has been explained in other threads

    Joseph: To refresh your memory a bit, remember Naasi… Please do a search and see the explanation there.

    #1341443

    chymee
    Participant

    Yes, it certainly DOES explain, as i said that the girls only go out dating because it’s in style, they have absolutely no intention of getting engaged to the boy they’re dating, today Channele is dating (along with her cellphone) Moishi, tomorrow it’ll be Suri dating Moishi, & so on & so forth, & this will go on for the next year or 2, as long as she’ll be happy to tell her friends that she’s dating,
    & the reason why there are more boys in the Chassidish world? technology is to be blamed, they get influenced by their so called friends who have smartphones, they get jealous, & from this point they go downhill,
    In the same time i will inform you something with regards to divorcees, they are quite rightly supported by a group who gather weekly, each discusses with their friends all the suggestions, & again with a recording of the boy they met, & here we go again, they get influenced & discouraged by their friends who’s listening to the recording, & the guy who heads this group teaches them how to pick & choose, but he gives them the wrong advice, its basically a divorced womans club, gathering to discuss about this & that boy, having a good laugh, & this boy can now forget about getting married again in the near future, since he’s now in all the divorcees mouth,,, they all know his מעלות & חסרונות,,,,,,

    #1341500

    gavriel613
    Participant

    Chymee “Yes, it certainly DOES explain”…
    I think what Joseph means is that if you have 100 boys and 100 girls. All the boys are happy to marry, but 20 girls are like you described. How many will get married.
    You make it sound like 100 boys will get married and 80 girls, and that’s why there are lots of unmarried girls and no unmarried boys.
    But obviously as each boy marries only one girl, if the girls are being picky then there will be a corresponding number of unmarried boys.
    Therefore your points don’t explain why there is a shidduch crisis for girls and not for boys.

    But are you serious that girls aren’t serious about getting married? My impression was they’re all desperate to ring all their friends with the good news before their friends ring them and make them feel older.

    #1342655

    I said that the girls only go out dating because it’s in style, they have absolutely no intention of getting engaged to the boy they’re dating

    Literally incredible, sorry.

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