Mixed beshert: Flexi-Yiddishkeit

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  • November 13, 2016 1:46 am at 1:46 am #618673
    Lightbrite
    Participant

    I don’t know what I am exactly. I am Jewish. Based on my history and where I am going, I am a baal teshuva. I want to be closer to Hashem. Still I do not know what my expectations or goals are right now. So saying I am a baal teshuvah isn’t necessarily so accurate.

    This question is about my beshert. Ideally I have to be the one to find the one, right?

    Who is compatible for me? I am a whole bunch of secular mixed with traditional Yiddishkeit. I don’t even know what to ask for in a shidduch.

    The other week I was redt someone who grew up religious but now is more modern. It wasn’t going to work for other reasons. Even so, if I were to meet him, there would have still been a clash.

    I had someone suggest meeting reform guys, since they tend to be more open-minded. Yet I feel at home in an orthodox shul. Yes of course I know that reform, here, isn’t even considered a real thing.

    I guess my question is how does someone with contradictions meet one’s beshert? Is there really someone who will be in a similar place as I am? Somehow?

    Thank you

    November 13, 2016 5:07 am at 5:07 am #1191381
    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    Lightbrite – Is it possible that you are at a stage that you shouldn’t be dating yet and should be waiting until you are more stabilized in your Yiddishkeit and know where you stand and the direction you are going in?

    I am not saying that I know the answer to the question – it is meant as a question and not a statement since I don’t know enough about you. I just think that it is crucial to know what direction you are going in and the type of home you would like to build before you get married.

    I am not saying that you have to know 100% exactly what you want your home to look like, but you have to have a basic idea of what your goals are. The fact that you are considering both Reform and Orthodox concerns me.

    Obviously, people continue growing their whole lives, but you have to know what your basic hashkafa is and basically the type of home you are looking to build. I get the impression from both this and other posts of yours that you are still in a stage of figuring things out.

    I’m also wondering if you have had any type of seminary experience yet and if that would help you figure these things out.

    November 13, 2016 4:01 pm at 4:01 pm #1191383
    Lightbrite
    Participant

    I wrote a long reply. Dunno if it will be approved. If not than thank you and tbc

    November 13, 2016 4:13 pm at 4:13 pm #1191384
    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    “Dunno if it will be approved.”

    Sounds like it must be interesting 🙂 Can’t wait to see it, if it is approved!

    November 13, 2016 4:50 pm at 4:50 pm #1191385
    Lightbrite
    Participant

    Thank you Moderators for omitting it.

    I just came back to thank the Moderators really quickly. Now they know way tmi but I appreciate them for not posting it because it was very personal. It was wise to omit it from such a public forum.

    Sorry for piquing your interest lilmod ulelamaid. I hope you understand.

    BRIEFLY:

    I haven’t been to seminary. I went to retreat once where we learned that The One needs to fit into a Sandwich.

    Top slice is good open communication.

    Bottom slice is attraction.

    Middle meat and filling of the sandwich is values and same vision, same goals.

    That indeed would be hashkafah and figuring out my goals and planning my direction. Yes I am still figuring that out.

    So yea I still need to figure out what kind of sandwich Hashem put me here to make.

    Thank you for the thoughtful reply, as always.

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