Mothering Adult Children

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  • #616875
    Joseph
    Participant

    Appropriate or inappropriate?

    #1118203
    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    Appropriate or inappropriate?

    Sometimes, yes, sometimes no.

    Care to give examples?

    The Wolf

    #1118204
    TheGoq
    Participant

    Be specific and we will give you a specific answer.

    #1118205

    Today’s day our children are not maturing as young as they used to when we were kids. Due to the technology generation we are in we also need to keep an eye on our children much longer until they are about 20 and mature enough to know for themselves how to stay away from bad things that effect their frumkeit

    The less Tumah and gashmius you bring into your home while your children are young the earlier they will mature and be secure to remain frum without the need for you to babysit them

    #1118206
    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    If bad things would effect frumkeit, bad things would be good things.

    #1118207
    skripka
    Participant

    appropriate or inappropriate?!

    just try!

    #1118208
    lesschumras
    Participant

    Mommy deciding who her 25 year old son dates. Inappropriate

    #1118209
    technical21
    Participant

    lesschumras- agreed, but sadly most people disagree.

    #1118210
    Joseph
    Participant

    What if the 25 year old wants Tatti to vet all shiddduch candidates.

    #1118211
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Still inappropriate. If a 25 year old thinks his parent(s), with his best interest at heart, more life experience and more objectivity, should be more trusted than himself, he’s not ready to get married.

    #1118212
    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    Sometimes, yes, sometimes no.

    Care to give examples?

    Still waiting…

    Or was your OP just a “let’s throw this up on the wall and see what sticks?”

    The Wolf

    #1118213
    oomis
    Participant

    Mothering – yes. Smothering – no.

    And I agree that a 25 year old MAN who does not trust his OWN instincts, is not ready to get married.

    #1118214
    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    There is a big difference between asking a trusted person for advice and letting them control you.

    #1118215
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    RebYidd23, you hit the nail on the head.

    #1118216
    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    And I agree that a 25 year old MAN who does not trust his OWN instincts, is not ready to get married.

    Or woman.

    The Wolf

    #1118217
    Meno
    Participant

    “If bad things would effect frumkeit, bad things would be good things.”

    I just got this.

    I must’ve read it four separate times before getting it.

    Well done, RebYidd

    #1118218
    Joseph
    Participant

    What if a 35 or 45 year old doesn’t trust their own instincts. Should he/she also not get married yet? 55?

    #1118219
    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    What if a 35 or 45 year old doesn’t trust their own instincts. Should he/she also not get married yet? 55?

    If they can’t decide for themselves who they should consider for marriage, to the point where they are abdicating all authority and responsibility for the process, then yes, at any age, they should not get married.

    The Wolf

    #1118220
    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    35 is old enough to trust his/her instincts. If he/she does not, it would most likely be unfair to the potential shidduch.

    #1118221
    Joseph
    Participant

    20 is also old enough. 18 too. Many would even argue younger.

    #1118222
    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    35 was your example.

    #1118223
    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    20 is also old enough. 18 too. Many would even argue younger.

    It depends on the individual. No doubt some at 20 are ready. Others not.

    The Wolf

    #1118224
    Joseph
    Participant

    Some are ready at 17.

    #1118225
    Excellence
    Participant

    Doesn’t the Talmud say something about this? Or did I read it from one of the seforim of the gedolim? Hmm..,

    That not letting your grown up children be themselves and hovering over them is detrimental.

    But hey, what do I care? If parents persist in mothering their chicks and the chicks get agitated with them, the parents have only themselves to blame. They keep opening their mouths.

    The younger generation did not grow up shoulder to shoulder in shtetls like the previous gens. We are independent and spread out now.

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