Motzi Shaym Rah follows me like a cloud

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  • #593243

    eclipse
    Member

    It’s several years since horrible lies were generated and spread about me….and it doesn’t seem to end.Every time I am about to get an apartment or a job,I am mysteriously “dropped” last minute -with very lame reasons. The minute the “yeshivish grapevine”(where mr.x shines) is consulted, whatever good impression I made is suddenly “out the window”.The hurt is besides the point:it’s simply impossible!!I davened really hard this Shabbos and re-vamped my resume to add recent accomplishments,etc.but for all of you out there WHO SPREAD FALSE LOSHON HORA…YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW LONG-LASTING IT IS.

    #713587

    hope it gets better eclipse…

    i have a similar sitch-now im trying to get into sem, and a lot of my teachers believe a lie taht was told about me, as does my principal, so u can imagine wat that does… so in addition to not spreading it, CHECK INTO WHAT YOU ARE TOLD!!!!!!! an extra few minutes of verification can save someones future from becoming messed up

    adn pls dont say e/t is in Hashems hands, nobody can harm me unless He allows it. thats very beautiful, but it doesnt take teh hurt away 🙂

    #713588

    eclipse
    Member

    it’s true that those who hurt are temporarily empowered by hashem,and the moment our suffering is meant to end, those forces will be “de-activated”.but those messengers do have free will,and will be 100% accountable for being the “candidates” for the”job”of causing pain to others.

    #713589

    Yirmiyahu
    Member

    Eclipse,

    You are not alone.

    I’ve been in somewhat similar situations and yes, it’s very painful indeed. That’s why many people are not educated enough on how serious this transgression is. (I was ironically reviewing this topic in “Sha’arei Teshuvah” this morning.)

    Under no circumstances am I saying that this is your case, perhaps but I personally I used to get extremely paranoid sometimes about what others think of me from experiences I’ve had in the past either with them or people they know. It came to the point where I moved out of the community. I will say that after a few years, I sucked my pride in and went back to the same yeshivah and community with the mindset that I wasn’t and will not let anyone make me feel terrible for being who I am and that I have every right, just as they, to be there as a part of the community. They can say whatever they want. It will be on their cheshban at the end of the day.

    Once again, I am sorry to hear your situation. Keep in mind that you do what you need to do and God is running the show. There are reasons why things happen that are out of our control but IY”H we deal with it the best we can.

    Best,

    Yirmiyahu

    #713590

    aries2756
    Participant

    I sent a 3 page email once for one of the girls I advocated for, to get her into a high school she applied for. I told THEM basically “how dare they listen to loshan horah about this child when they themselves teach their students to stay far away from loshan horah.” I said L”H is a killer and destroys families and nations. They should never listen to loshan horah about anyone and they should make up their own minds about the applicant and not take what they heard at face value. Only listen to the good they heard about the child, and listen to those teachers and mechanchim that had good to say about her because they certainly told the emes. Speak to the child yourself and make up your own minds and then give the child a chance to prove herself.

    The head of the school showed up on her doorstep the next morning and told her that whatever happened in the past stays in the past and it is not his concern what others said about her. He was happy to welcome her to the school and it was a fresh start and clean slate for her. She had her best school years in that school. All the teachers loved her and she went on to seminary in E”Y. She in now very happily married.

    If there is anything you can add to your application or anything that someone else can add to your application about someone being motzi shem rah on you, and that person ruining your life and good name, that might help especially if you don’t name that person, just say that it was an unfortunate incident or misunderstanding and that every story has two sides to it, but you are following Torah guidelines and are not bad mouthing that person, spreading l”h or being motzi shem rah on that person.

    #713591

    eclipse
    Member

    aries,i knew you would have comforting words.as far as supplying references,i provide the references with calm confidence—but they talk to their own people (not in addition to my names–instead!)

    #713592

    charliehall
    Participant

    At least most of the motzi shem ra about me is posted in places like YWN so I at least can argue against it. And I’m blessed to live in a community that believes none of it.

    #713593

    phrum
    Member

    Eclipse

    HaShem should help you and send you hatzlaha v’bracha v’hoshua!

    #713595

    Helpful
    Member

    Charliehall – you must be talking about all that motzi shem ra on ywn where people describe you as a far left wing Democrat. B”H you mention it isn’t true. Did you get your latest issue of the Weekly Standard?

    #713596

    minyan gal
    Member

    Eclipse, I am so sorry for your troubles. It is amazing what some thoughtless words can lead to. Is there any possibility of you moving to another community so that you can make a fresh start? I know that a major move is big sacrifice in terms of proximity to family, but it is something that you should at least consider. Another option is to seek employment with a non-frum organization. I hope that things will turn around for you soon BH.

    #713597

    amichai
    Participant

    eclipse, much simcha.

    #713601

    Health
    Participant

    Eclipse – A piece of advice -when something isn’t working -don’t keep knocking on the same door. Try a different career – esp. try a different community, not the yeshiva world -try a different neighboorhood. Above all, keep trying- never, ever give up!

    #713602

    eclipse
    Member

    thank you everyone.(ahem,mod,for the 3rd time)

    #713603

    kapusta
    Participant

    Its rather unfortunate that some people feel they need to sink so low and try to hurt someone else in order to bring themselves up. To anyone who had false rumors spread about them, hang in there. Hashem is the real judge and He controls everything. Rumors and nosy neighbors are nothing for Him to fix. He gives presents to the ones He loves best.

    *kapusta*

    #713604

    mom12
    Participant

    At the end of the day everyone gets what they deserve.

    when these l’h speakers get rejected for jobs,shiduchim etc..

    let them think back if there was anyone they wronged in the past..

    I know of a few such situations!

    HATZLACHA

    #713605

    bpt
    Participant

    I had a “parsha” in my teen years, that followed me for a while, and kept me out of places / denied me of being considered for shidduchim I would have like to go to / should have been considered for.

    Know how I beat it? By proving my critics wrong and overcoming the obstacles without their help (and in some cases, despite their best efforts to derail me).

    True, it took a while, but in the end, I came out a winner.

    So will you, Eclipse!

    #713606

    MDG
    Participant

    eclipse,

    Maybe you should try to look for employment outside the frum world, where the “yeshivish grapevine” won’t reach.

    You can try looking for non-frum landlords also, although that may be harder while staying in a frum community. You may also consider another community.

    #713607

    eclipse
    Member

    I am looking into some of the suggested options,others are not a choice for me.Either way,I really appreciate the encouragement.

    #713608

    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    At the end of the day everyone gets what they deserve.

    when these l’h speakers get rejected for jobs,shiduchim etc..

    let them think back if there was anyone they wronged in the past..

    Yes,someone once wronged me very seriously. Some time later, his son was killed. I was so happy, I made a kiddush in shul.

    By which I mean: Are you suggesting that she should take solace in the fact that the people oppressing her will have tzaros because of it?

    #713609

    amichai
    Participant

    easier said than done but maybe you should move away from where your ex “shines” . not easy at all. but with the help of a few good friends and family, you will overcome all obsticles with g-ds help.

    #713610

    eclipse
    Member

    I don’t know if I would go so far as to make a kiddush….I would want the truth to come out and the actual perps to get what’s comiing to them,butI would not celebrate the tragedy of a child’s death,chas v’sholom.

    #713612

    frumladygit
    Member

    Eclipse, you need to read “the garden of emunah” by Rav Shalom Arush, translated by Rabbi Brody.

    I am so sorry for your bad mazel, as we have been through this ourselves as a family, and know what its like.

    The only comfort is that as my daughter once said “At least you get to know who your real friends are” and who is worth having for a friend!!!! PPL who are chushev tend to not get passed around the shmutzy news, and even if they catch wind of it, they don’t give it much belief.

    Someone said something nice once, that when people talk on you you can be sure you’re doing something right. Its the yetzer hara that stirs things up just when you put your right foot first.

    The other side is that as long as you can put your head down at night on your pillow with a clear conscience, knowing your account is truly straight with Hashem and that He is happy with you, that is what counts, cause there is an Abishter in the world and He will protect you from ppl who will try to put deterents in your way.

    I know that it can hurt deep inside anyways, though. People don’t realize how much until it happens to them.

    #713613

    eclipse
    Member

    I tried moving out of this community but “shining ex” called my rov and threatened trouble(which he has proven quite capable of)…as far as Garden of Emunah,it is excellent.so is the new book “forest fieds” about talking to Hashem in plain English…thank you everyone.

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