my friend is going off

Bring him back on track.

I like that answer very much, Goq. Be a friend. Unwavering. Faithfully. Unquestioningly. Always. That has proven to help.

thanks lf.

dont push

If he’s not keeping Shabbos it’s not a Shailah of someone going off, it’s someone who is off already. Which may not change things, but it definitely is a factor.

Open up a Gemara – question answered

This is not advice as much as a question–why does someone go off the derech, except for some dissatisfaction with Yiddishkeit

It depends. For the most part, teenagers and young adults arent going off because theyre so intellectual and after thinking about it for years just cant resolve yedia and bechira. In most cases they are have personal troubles couples with a lack of drive for yiddishkiet

I have heard that people even in cloistered communities such as Meah Shearim or New Square go off. As thinking beings, individuals may decide this is not for them, and presto, they’re gone. Nothing new about that. But let’s look at how our frum society operates. Highest value is placed on learning, but what if you’re not good at it or not interested in it? Suddenly that places you a rung or more below others. Or say you grow up in a very chumaradik home, and you feel suffocated. Or maybe people view the hypocrisy of frum people who act and dress frum and then act dishonestly in business. People going off the derech come from all sorts of backgrounds, and have all sorts of reasons, and only by discussing it with the person going off can you get a sense of why they choose that path and see if concerns can be addressed that will bring the back.

Probably the main reason there are less dropouts from more Charedi communties as opposed to MO communities is because its just harder to leave.

Its not so easy to leave if you cant speak english properly , lack secular education and dont know social norms for the outside world.

The latest genere of OTD books are not from people of MO backrounds, but of former chassidim

Learn a little Mussar and think about life for a minute or two and realize that just because your friend is “going off” it doesn’t mean his gehenoim is going to be any hotter than yours and you will start to act as the same friend you always were and if enough people do that, he will get the feeling that Yiddishkiet is a beautiful true religion that is all about believing in and fearing the creator of the world and not about his parents, teachers and friends telling him how he should live his life.

Of course there’s support for that. Regarding the MO OTD rate, it is well established that it is far far higher than any other Orthodox group. Rabbi Pruzansky of Teaneck, MO himself, famously discussed this a couple of years ago. (See: http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/shocking-study-of-modern-orthodox-otd-rate for a discussion of that.)

That study that Pruzansky cited of graduates of MO high schools did not reflect that many of those attending the schools are not shomer shabbos to begin or marginally. No study well establishes anything, Joseph.

Daniel, have you ever asked your friend what brought on the change?

Guys, no need to fight, seriously. And Daniel, don’t bring up Judaism/religious observance or lack thereof. That’s not your place. Remember that you’re his friend, not his Rabbi or mentor.

Good luck!

If you think your friend is going off, try to defuse him/her by removing the detonator. But be very careful.