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How do I know who my zivug really is????
I feel like some people forget who really makes the shidduch. It is easy when we are dating to forget to ask Hashem for guidence while we are going through it. I really believe that if you keep Hashem in the picture while dating, and you ask for guidence and clarity, your eyes will be open to seeing the emes. 🙂
Hatzlacha and may all the single find their zivugim soon, at the right time, with the right one!
Geshmake
Unless you are a Baal Ruach Hakodesh you will never know who your true Assert or zivug is. Hashem in his chessed gives us a certain feeling that the person we are dating is the right one and we get engaged.
The one we get engaged to is our bashert. We must believe that and go into the marriage believing that the person we are married to is the right one. So if any problems come up (the typical stupidity that most couples moan and groan about) realize that it is a test from Hashem and instead of getting into a fight with your spouse which can lead down a dark path of marital discord and thinking that you got the wrong one, instead work on your middle and make every effort to maintain shalom bayis.
There are stories of older men (over 40) who used to come into the Steipler with tears pouring down there cheeks. They said ‘how come we are still not married’, surely it says in Talmud Niddah that before a person is born, a bas kol declares ‘bas ploni la ben ploni’ we have a fixed zivug, where is she?
The Steipler answerd then ‘you men refused women who were not attractive, or rich, (external maalos) and internal maalos, as you were so fussy, your zivug has been taken from you and been given to someone else who was less fussy then you.
I also heard a story once, im sure that it was brought downs somewhere, that there was a shidduch suggested to a girl, and she turned it down because the boy suggested was lame. He couldnt use his legs. It turns out, that before the boy was born, he knew that his zivug wouldnt be able to use her legs and he asked Hashem to give him the nisayon instead of her because he didnt want her to suffer. Theres probably much more to the story, but its making the same point.
Dont get caught up so much in exterior and say no for silly reasons. It is all sheker. Look at the middos of the person, their goals in life, if they respect you and other people-that’s what matters in a marriage. And sometimes that will be enough to find chein in each others eyes.
Emunas,
I saw that story recently
(I don’t know how she knew he was telling the truth, though)
If someone blows their zivug over narishkeit, and someone else marries their zivug, wouldn’t that mess up the other persons zivug from getting married to them?
Emunas and coffee addict
That story was with the holy Divrei Chaim of Sanz zchuso yagein aleinu. He was the lame boy.
I don’t recall all the details, but for me it went something like this: I met this nice girl whom I really liked and couldn’t stop tinking about. All of a sudden I found myself under a chuppah next to her, smashing a glass with my foot, and all of my friends and relatives were shouting, “mazal tov!”
She must be my zivug, because now I run into her all the time, even when I’m sitting quietly at home. I hope she is not stalking me, but I see her in my kitchen and in the hallways and outside the bathroom, and even in my backyard. Often I will wake up in the morning, and there she is.
Tomorrow will be our second anniversary.
I’m pretty sure that’s how I knew.
Mazal tov ronrsr!
personally The way I knew is that as the dating progressed I felt more and more comfortable to the point where I felt like she was my sister
Very funny, ronrsr! (what does your sn mean?)
Mazel tov on your second anniversary! May you have many more happy years ahead of you with your zivig stalking you 😉
AC
I’ve heard that one can have several zivugim, don’t know for sure.
The gemara asks the question, if “40 days before a child is born a bas kol comes out and says bas ploini li’ploini” so then why is “kasha zivuggim (to the Riboino Shel Olam) mi’Kriyas Yam Suf”? And the gemara answers “kahn b’zivvug rishon, kahn b’zivvug sheini”. A zivvug rishon (original) is based on what a person has potential to be when he is born and a zivvug sheini is based on what actually became of these two people and for that it is kasha mi’kriyas yam suf.
The whole concept of looking for zivvug (bashert) is wrong, a person has to find ANYONE with whom he can live with, share in his hashkofos, accept his shortcomings, happy with his accomplishments, proud to be his associate, willing to put up with his mishigasin etc.
It is quite known that the Steipler said that in all of Lakewood only two people married their zivvug rishon!!
If I remember correctly, everyone has a few zivugim corresponding to different levels in their lives. Thats why when you daven to find your zivug, you should daven for it at the right time, because that is very important.
It’s like a puzzle really, when you put all your own pieces together, you know what piece is missing and would make you whole.
This is in Ruchnius mostly an Gashmiyus too.
Whom ever you feel and you can picture, with their ma’alos and yours together, can build a happy, healthy, Bayis Ne’man.
Daven to HB”H to open your eyes to realize who it is and to help you make the right decision.
Hatzlocha Rabboh!
And what if my wife is not my zivug? Should I be less happy with her? Should I divorce her and search for my zivug?
Once you make your decision, and marry the person you think is bashert, you should think that she is your zivug.
It is quite known that the Steipler said that in all of Lakewood only two people married their zivvug rishon!!
when and where did he say this and why did he say Lakewood and not Bnei Brak where he’s from
Ayc – my screen name is my name followed by my initials. Since 1974 I uses -rsr- as my computer signature and moniker. When online sevices started in the 1990s, I couldn’t ise that, so I’ve used my current screen name since
Thanks for the explanation, and please convey a hearty mazel tov to Mrs. rsr on your second anniversary.
May you both have many happy and mazeldig years together.
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