Nannies

My son put cameras into his house.

I often wonder what kind of background check people do on nannies. Do parents check to see if the potential nanny is currently certified in CPR for kids, first aid? And why wouldn’t you have cameras if you have a housecleaner or baby sitter alone in your residence???

” why would you trust your precious nechomas to a shiksa?”
Because many of those “shiksas” as you mindlessly refer to non-jewish women, are much better trained in child-care and willing to work hard to assist working parents or those with large families. They are not substitute parents but in many cases are critical to the ability of those parents to earn a parnassah and give individual time to each of their children. Obviously, if there is a responsible baas yisroel who is equally well-trained and willing to work the long hours, than that would be ideal.

People choose where they draw their lines. Some stop at having a sitter, some stop at a non jewish sitter. Why anyone would hand over their child to a non jewish or non observant sitter is beyond me. But it depends on each person’s line in the sand.

I don’t like this thread.

I think that right after a family suffers from a nanny causing a brain injury, it’s not the right time to discuss the wisdom of having a nanny.

I similarly didn’t like the fire safety discussion in the immediate aftermath of a family suffering from a tragic fire.

There have been other similar threads on the heels of a tragedy, and it somehow feels to me that the victim is being blamed.

Sorry, i had no idea that happened

Agree, if either of us had known about whatever incident you are referencing or if the OP had used the incident as the basis for the thread. I presume the Mods thought it was OK or maybe they too weren’t aware of the connection you are making.

DY is entirely correct. The whole thread comes off as insensitive.
Many families need a nanny. CA- you can judge from your soapbox but it won’t make you correct.
KAH the tzibbur has large families with large needs and extra hands facilitate raising yidishe neshomos in a happy healthy home. Having a “goyte” in the home is nothing new, it was common in prewar Europe. These women are hard working, their pay is minimum wage since they have no degree, it doesn’t speak to how hard they actually work and how much most of them care for our children. We owe them a debt of gratitude on the whole for doing so much for our families. This news story is the exception.

I think its disgusting that you automatically assume any non jewish lady is a terrible person- there are lots of normal, caring people out there also.Also, I dont think you have to worry about your nanny harming a child if you do some research into it, maybe 1000 years ago you shouldve been worried, but just like non jewish barbers are now allowed b/c of dinah d’malchusah dinah, i would apply that here also and allow you to have a non- jewish nanny. Obviously, call up references first and be responsible with who you choose, but dont be so ignorant to not trust anyone.
And don’t just say that its a terrible thing to have a nanny because a child needs parents, since you have no idea of the situation. the mother might be busy making money for the family and need someone to help clean, cook, take care of kids, etc, or there may be othe reasons you dontknow. And even with a nanny, most parents are still very in the picture.
just think about what you say and how you judge people before you post.

First of all, I’m actually a republican.
second of all, I actually agree with all of your points, I was mainly responding to commonsaychel who said “Forget CPR and the rest, why would you trust your precious nechomas to a shiksa?”
And I was also answering the multiple people who said that people should not have nannies because they themselves should be taking care of their kids.

I’m talking about a situation where a child would have a nanny during the day while their parents are at work making money to support their family, and on Sundays, Shabbos, and nights the parents are home. The nanny may be necessary in this case, and maybe there is no jewish one available. And again, I’m maskim that in an ideal world the nanny would be a frum yid, but even if the nanny is not jewish, the parents should make sure to model and ingrain torah and hashkafos into the kids whenever they are with them,which is hopefully all throughout dinner and the rest of the night, and the parents should definitely let the kid know that while their nanny may be a very nice and respectable person, she is not like us and you should not be learning your values from her.
But yes, if a child is never with his parents and only with the nanny, that will be a problem not only hashkafically, but for the child’s wellbeing, self-worth, and feeling of love towards their parents.

GH – i absolutely understand that and don’t indicate otherwise. But too bad that you still don’t understand the extent a person should be going to preserve the spirituality of their house and kids. you seem to see it as disposable in time of great inconvenience. I don’t. As i said before, people draw their lines in the sand. Some will give all their money for more time, some will give all their time for more money. It’s about what drives you. But when we talk about the neshamas of our children, there is no flexibility.

Syag: I’d probably learn to sew.

SL- you are making 2 assumptions, the first one being that you assume there even is an option for frum child-care for the right price. Im sure you’re from lakewood or somewhere in-town, but believe it or not, there are yidden who live in other places that do not have as many jews. Where I live, and I know in many other OOT communites such as mine, I would doubt there is even one frum girl willing to nanny all day, and even if you would say there is 3, (which in my community, which is not even that small for out of town, I doubt there is), there may be more than 3 families who would need that service. So even for the right price, it might not be possible.
your second assumption is that the family has the money for that. a frum girl would most likely charge more than a non jewish woman, and not everybody can afford that.
So yes, if a family lives in a pace with an option for frum help, and they have the money, they should 100% splurge and pay for that. But if both of those requirements dont both apply, what more can they do- they need someone to watch their kids.
And addressing your comparison to tznius, that is different, because one can always borrow from a gemach or from other people, and you cant borrow a nanny. In addition, tznius is actually a mitzva where someone needs to stretch themselves and go to much further lengths to fulfill then having a frum nanny, which is a nice thing that would definitely help, but the kids would do well even without. Yes, I know people who grew up with a non jewish nanny during the day and are frum ovdei hashem, and part of the yeshivish community. Ask around, I bet you know people who grew up with non- jewish help.

I am not making any assumptions, i am talking about a value system. You are sure i am from lakewood but I’m not. Where i live there are some frum baby sitters watch kids in their own homes with a bunch of other kids. Other people have a non jewish cleaning lady who babysits in their house. Or baby sitter who cleans. A lot of the moms make only a few dollars more than the cost of the sitter.
I think you have a valid theory, but when you have kids you will see that it’s not about what works on paper.

We are a two income household while we had household help and cleaning help we never crossed the line to have a nanny.
When I was a bucher I stayed at distant cousins house in LA when they had a live in, the mother went away for a few days living the kids in the care of the nanny, I watched the nanny when the kids came down to breakfast and she asked ” you makka dah modah ani?’ “Remember to saya da brucha”.
I have a few relatives of mine who are on the Times of London 1000 richest people in the UK and they have household help managed by the family not a live in nanny.

R berl Wein reports that, I think, his father, as a kid, learned about Rosh Hodesh, from their Lithuanian helper.

i was skimming thru the thread and noticed a comment from shmilli oongar u commented about haircuts im pretty sure that the issur is the same as 1000 years ago the heter being that theres a mirror in front of you so you can see what the barber is doing. every barber that ive seen has mirrors, so its muttar to get a haircut by a goy. i dont know about dina dmalchusa dina tho.