NEED chizuk and Ideas ASAP!!!!!!!!!

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  • #614593
    Shopping613 🌠
    Participant

    Hey everyone.

    Beiung a teen, I always have tons on my plate.

    I’m trying to grow, and get more mature in general..in life experience.

    Be more responsible in my life, with my friends, watch how I treat others, work on my mindset. Also change around my middos, not yell at my siblings, and control impulses…

    There’s like 3 billion million things to work on!!

    Baruch Hashem, I grow every day, and recently I’ve been getting better in most of the above…

    But I realized I’m slacking off in Avodat Hashem!!

    I mean, I’ve been working on my middos, my Emunah is pretty good..been working on that even more, though it’s prob one of the best from my class, you can always grow, right? (Not trying to sound haughty, just being realistic, and I’ve been told it many many times too)

    But brachos- never…

    When do I even wash for bread?

    Recently I even, convinced myself that a tiny piece of meat won’t make a difference, and had pizza with my family soon after…

    I ussually daven shachris…I mean in school, and I love TEFILLA!!

    But what is going on with me?

    How can one focus going higher in one area, while keeping up with everything else on the same level..somewhere something gives in…

    And while working on everything EXCEPT those type of ma’assim, they gave in…

    So what do I do now???

    I still need to work on everything else!! And it’s not like all my avodas Hashem, only parts of it. I have the heart, but not the actions….so much that don;t involve the heart.

    Cuz I do love Hashem, more than anything, He’s the one thing that keeps me from just running away from my life….

    I need chizuk and ideas, FAST!!!

    #1051348
    IvduEsHashemBsimcha
    Participant

    I would humbly suggest,

    That you try to connect in your mind the small things which you sometimes lose track of, with your overall goal and belief and love for HaShem. I was recently at a Shiur along those lines; it was saying that the minutae of Halacha are not in any way chas veshalom insignificant; they are both the ways that HaShem tests us, and also intrinsically connected with the mitzvah. We know we’re not supposed to eat milk after meat; what makes it meaningful is when we realize that this what HaShem wants us to be doing.

    Regarding brachos (as with all mitzvos) it really helps to think: why do we do it? It is so important to feel grateful to Hashem and always WANT to say a bracha. A suggestion I was once give was to focus on the word “atah” in the bracha; we aren’t talking to our parents or friends around us, but DIRECTLY to Hashem alone.

    Also, you talk about trying to improve in one area while trying to merely keep up in others. I sometimes feels the same struggle; it is essential to never give up one area of avodas Hashem to further ourselves in another area, as that wouldn’t accomplish anything. I would suggest focusing more on the things you are having trouble doing at all, and in time greater emunah and kiddos will come with it. I mean, when you are ravaging, have as much kavana as you can, but if you feel spending a lot of time thinking about davening makes you so busy you R”L fall in other areas, it is probably better to focus on what aspects you are having trouble with first, and figure out getting to higher levels only once you have the basics 100% covered.

    Hatzlachah Rabah in all of your endeavors and in your avodas Hashem (which, by the way, encompasses everything you mentioned, including halachah, tefillah, emunah, middos, etc) and always remember that you WILL get through this, no matter how hard it might seem now.

    A quote I like:

    “I learned there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead, others come from behind. But I’ve bought a big bat. I’m all ready, you see. Now my troubles are going to have trouble with me.”

    –Dr. Seuss

    #1051349
    IvduEsHashemBsimcha
    Participant

    In my previous post, 3rd paragraph 5th line, I meant to say “middos” rather than “kiddos”

    #1051350
    gavra_at_work
    Participant

    Thank Hashem for 30 seconds every day for something that happened (outside of Tefilah, just say thank you).

    Rav Avigdor Miller

    #1051351
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    I agree with Gavra. Also with IvduEsHashemBsimchsa. Also with Dr. Seuss.

    In addition, Shopping613, it’s very valuable to learn and review the halachos of particular issues which someone has difficulties with. In this case, for example, make a seder with a sefer, chavrusah, or attend (or listen to recordings of) a shiur in hilchos basar b’chalav and hilchos berachos. You may already know the halachos of the particular challenges which you face, but putting time and effo4t into it should still strengthen you. Hatzlochah, we’re pulling for you.

    #1051352
    oomis
    Participant

    Can you get to an Aish HaTorah Discovery Seminar? You can get great Chizuk from one of those. Also, remember you are a teenager, and it’s so common for teens to have these questions in general, and sometimes feel a spiritual limbo. You need to find a good friend who is grounded in frumkeit, but non-judgmental who will listen to what you are saying and feeling right now. Someone who can help to inspire you to understand that Yiddishkeit is not just a general spiritual feeling, but that there are very real minutiae and details that need to be followed in order to achieve that spirituality. A blueprint whose minutest details are not followed by the builder, will produce a structure that falls apart.

    If feeling and believing were enough, we could all be non-Jews. That’s what they believe, that faith alone is required to be a religious person.

    As Yidden we believe that faith must lead to action. Hashem does not need our brachos, nor even for us to follow the Torah. However, He DESERVES that we do all that because He continuously and miraculously takes care of us. He revealed Himself to all of us at Har Sinai, and by following the Torah (especially the part about not eating pizza after just a little meat, and by making a bracha on what we DO eat), we are demonstrating our appreciation and love for Him, and our recogniztion that He is the Source of every single thing we have.

    Hakoras hatov is a very serious character trait to have, and that is what every bracha is, a recognition of the tov. It’s not enough to just “feel” it. The ten seconds or less that it takes to make a bracha, shows we appreciate what we are getting from the One in Whose Name the bracha is being made. That is something we need for ourselves, to make us better, more appreciative people. Hashem does not need to hear it. But we owe it to Him and we need to SAY it.

    #1051353
    jack613
    Member

    You need to get REAL with your Judaism.

    That is the key.

    #1051354
    Shopping613 🌠
    Participant

    Thank you everyone for their responses!!!

    I really appreciated them.

    Does anyone though have a concrete plan of exactly what and how to make myself better in these areas?

    Not just a plan, a way to change my mindset so I can realize and appreciate every mitzvah that doesn’t make toaly sense to us or that I just don’t feel like doing or just forget

    #1051356
    barlev
    Participant

    What hashem expects from you is: to take one middah or one halacah and work on it, not to fight all wars on all fronts simultaneously, because if you do, you’ll lose them all

    So says my mashgiaich

    One small thing at a time

    Hatzlacah

    #1051357
    Trust 789
    Member

    Cuz I do love Hashem, more than anything, He’s the one thing that keeps me from just running away from my life….

    Perhaps you need to figure out why you want to run away from your life.

    #1051358
    yyormark613
    Member

    Try doing Shanyim Mikra weekly, as I have seen it help others in similar situations…

    #1051359
    Trust 789
    Member

    Also, is this a new thing? If it is, you need to figure out what you changed in your life that is cooling your commitment to yiddishkeit.

    #1051360
    Shopping613 🌠
    Participant

    Trust 789, you think I don’t know?

    It’s not my yiddishkeit, the other guyz got it right. That O was losing sight of the smaller things.

    #1051361
    flatbusher
    Participant

    May I suggest you hook up with someone you can relate to, such as Rabbi Fingerer from the Brooklyn Jewish Experience Center. From your post, it seems you may be lacking a role model who can understand what you’re going through and can be a role model.

    #1051362
    Shopping613 🌠
    Participant

    I don’t trust adults.

    I know that sounds so immature, but I don’t.

    And I live in Israel.

    #1051363

    I’ll try to keep this brief- which automatically means this’ll be reaaly long 😀 hopefully it’ll be up long enough for you to read it…

    “I have the heart, but not the actions….so much that don;t involve the heart.”

    First of all, you should know that EVERYTHING is about heart. If you have heart, you’re in wonderful shape: Rachmana liba ba’ee. Secondly, the heart is your base & you work outward from there to fulfill halacha. Every halacha has heart involved; sometimes you have to search for it more than in others & at the very least you’ll find it in as much as every halacha makes up the path haShem showed us to connect i.e. to develop a warmer relationship with Him.

    “How can one focus going higher in one area, while keeping up with everything else on the same level..somewhere something gives in…”

    Here’s an idea I found worked for me. Ever play ping-pong? Two people slap the ball back & forth at varying levels of speed depending on their expertise. The ball, is your thoughts. Believe it or not the human brain has an incredible capacity for quick thinking. This idea helps more if you believe in the power of your brain, so I will digress to try & help you with that. Even if we’re not cognizant of it, our subconscious is constantly firing off & receiving neural transmitting to keep the awesomely complex system that is our bodies running smoothly. So, haShem already put that ability into each of us. Our conscious brain has the ability to tune into that subconscious power & attempt to ‘bring it up to speed’. It may never reach the same levels- depending on how much attention you pay to it. So, what you do is, take a moment to stop & think. Arrange all the issues you have to balance in your mind- or on a piece of paper, whatever works best for you. It doesn’t matter if you get all of them, just as many as you can- you’ll get more & more the more experience you get with this. Then allow your brain to sink together & synchronize as much as possible, thinking of your thoughts like a ping-pong ball flying back & forth between each idea to make sure as much as possible that they are consistent in growth.

    I hope this isn’t too sci-fi & I really hope it works for you & if not, that you find some other way of being m’chazek yourself. RBS”O yimalei kol mishalos LIB/ach/a l’tova

    #1051364
    yytz
    Participant

    Here’s an idea: Make a list of the things you want to grow on (brachos, meat/milk, etc.) and resolve to improve in these areas. I think you can improve in these areas mainly by prayer and teshuvah, but also by giving yourself reminders.

    First, spend a few minutes each day in personal prayer to Hashem in your own words. Many sources, not just chassidic but also Ramchal and the Chofetz Chaim, have emphasized the importance of such a practice. Start by thanking and praising Hashem for all he has done for you. Then do teshuvah in your own words, identifying what you did wrong (forgetting to say brachos, etc), feeling sorry, resolving to do better, asking for forgiveness. And then pray in your own words for several minutes, asking Hashem for help in these areas. You might want to start with just one specific area, like brachos. Then end with thanks and praise.

    In addition, give yourself a little reminder. Put a string around your finger or something to remind you to say a bracha before eating, for example.

    It will also help to study at least a little bit of practical halacha each day, like the Kitzur or Shaarei Halacha, and a little bit from whatever mussar seforim (from R’ Zelig Pliskin to Reishis Chochma to Chasidus) you are drawn to.

    By the way, it’s wonderful to hear you talk about how you love Hashem so much — this is very important and a lot of people neglect the importance of loving Hashem. (I was just looking at an interesting book called Jewish Spiritual Practices that talks about this at great length, citing many rabbis with practical advice on such things.) It might also help to remind yourself that the way you put loving Hashem into practice is through studying Torah and fulfilling mitzvos (as well as working on middos, which you’re already doing!).

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