April 19, 2012 7:31 pm at 7:31 pm #602991
Many of us are getting upset about the judgemental attitude experienced on a number of threads.
We believe it is wrong and not middosdick.
WE RANT ABOUT IT AND DEMAND IT MUST STOP.
But it continues.
I discovered a book “Nonviolent Communication A Language of Life” that tackles this problem.
He gives these examples.
If my wife wants more affection than I`m giving her, she is “needy and dependent.” But if I want more affection than she is giving me, then she is “aloof and insensitive”.
He explains that the person is expressing his own values and needs “without being aware of it.” He is hiding them from the other person.
THAT CAUSES HIM TO JUDGE.
He needs to learn and be willing to consciously be aware of his values and needs. Then he will be willing to consider that others may have different ones than his.
THEN HE WILL NOT HAVE THE URGE TO JUDGE
If I want more affection than she is giving me, I will attempt to explain to her what my needs are all about as she may not be aware of the difference.
This will only work if each one wants to give to the other what they need. If the basis of their marriage is LOVE OF RECEIVING then I will not be interested in finding out the difference between mine and the other ones needs. Even if I am made aware of them, I will not want to change myself for the sake of the other(which is what GIVING is all about).April 19, 2012 8:03 pm at 8:03 pm #869216OneOfManyParticipant
True stuff, but you’re a little heavy on the psychoanalysis, y’know?April 19, 2012 8:11 pm at 8:11 pm #869217BaalHaboozeParticipant
non-violent question: why are you starting 3 threads with the exact same topic?April 19, 2012 8:35 pm at 8:35 pm #869218
P.S. For a more comprehensive explanation of “GIVING AND RECEIVING”
look atApril 19, 2012 10:48 pm at 10:48 pm #869219squeakParticipant
A one trick pony can do many shows. He just has to keep changing the venue.
Unfortunately, a new thread is not a new venue.April 20, 2012 7:08 am at 7:08 am #869220
TO OneOfMany I`ll refrase your statement in a “nonviolent way”
I prefer a little less psychoanalysis.April 20, 2012 7:24 am at 7:24 am #869221
TO BaalHabooze A non-violent statement I am wondering why you ask me a new question before you have responded to the comments I made to you in”Marriage in Crises”
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