Not Happy

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    Hey Guys

    I Have been reading the coffee room for quite a while now , i just decided to create an account and ask for some advise

    I AM NOT HAPPY any advise on emunah maybe that will strengthen my love for hashem?


    I don’t think emunah is the solution to feelings of unhappiness. I think figuring out the source of the unhappiness and changing it is the solution.


    Newcommer, I’m sorry to hear about that, and I hope you feel completely better very soon!

    Emunah could be the solution, depending on what the problem is. But overall Popa is right.

    Have you tried to figure out what the problem is? Sometimes it’s not immediately obvious.

    For example, are you getting plenty of sleep and exercise and social interaction? Today’s isolated, sleep-deprived, sedentary lifestyle is not natural. It causes many physical and psychological problems.

    Do you take time to help others and thank G-d for all the good in your life? Focusing on the positive and on others makes people feel good, and takes people’s minds away from themselves and their problems.

    I’ll point you to a couple seforim I enjoy in case they are of help to you.

    Google the following sentence and you will find a chapter of a chassidic sefer (Likutei Eitzos) about happiness: “Search for your good points in order to make yourself happy.”

    Search for this phrase and you will find another, briefer chapter on the same topic: “It is hard for him to calm and settle his mind.”

    Anyway, hatzlacha!


    You mentioned love for Hashem. As I understand it, one of the main aspects of the spiritual derech of Chabad is to meditate on the greatness of G-d, which leads you to feel love and awe of Him, and to therefore be happy and enthusiastic in your avodas Hashem. You might look for Chabad meditation resources, whether through their main website or people like R’ Dovber Pinson.


    Were you unhappy before you started reading the coffeeroom?


    Those are all excellent ideas, yytz.

    Personally when I’m feeling down I love to play guitar. Davening with a lot of kavanah also helps- focus on every word and don’t be afraid to fall behind. Sleep is also very important, as is taking a walk or exercising every day.

    Recently, I’ve taken on a minhag by the arizal of making a declaration every morning to perform the mitzvah dioraisa of ve’ahavta le’reiecha Kamocha. This gets me in the right state of mind, and focused to really love my all jews i interact with, and help them out, in any way possible, be it a kind word or tzedakah.

    Another good thing is to find a hobby, like learning a language, knitting, or playing an instrument to make your time more fulfilling.


    I agree with Popa. You should try to find what is making you unhappy, and fix it. That’s what Hashem wants us to do.


    In my experience with many, many people, it is much more often that unhappiness leads to a lack of Emunah than the other way around.


    By the way, it’s normal to have bad days here and there. If it’s more often than that, and/or if it’s more like miserable, try to identify the triggers. Take it from there.

    moi aussi

    Happiness/Unhappiness comes from within, it is not related to outside factors.

    We all know people who have a seemingly good life, health, parnassa, kids, happy marriage etc.. and yet they are miserable. On the other hand we all know people who have many challenges in life, and yet they’re happy, they are mekabel yesurim be’ahava.

    We create our own misery with our thinking – with the way we perceive our reality. Some people perceive the cup as half-empty, others perceive it as half-full.

    Our thoughts create our reality.

    Emunah is one of the tools with which we can influence our thought process. If we truly believe that everything is orchestrated from above, and whatever Hashem does is good, we won’t feel the urge to fight Hashem’s decrees. When we relinquish control, and allow Hashem to do his job, we gain inner peace, and that’s the key to happiness.

    When we find menuchas hanefesh within, we don’t need to change anything on the outside.


    Good suggestions, rationalfrummie!

    Moi aussi: Your point about emuna is a good one. This is one of the main points of the books and CDs by R’ Lazer Brody and R’ Shalom Arush, which have helped a lot of people.


    Were you unhappy before you started reading the coffeeroom?

    I googled “does internet usage cause depression?”. It seems that numerous studies show that it does.

    newcommer: Try mindfulness exercises. When you do things, pay close attention to what you are doing (like doing dishes or folding laundry, or even when you are getting dressed.) When you do these things, don’t think about the past. Don’t think about the future. Just pay close attention to what is going on in the present moment. It may be difficult at first, but if you keep trying, it will do wonders.

    And like others said, it’s important to figure out what it is that is disturbing you. Some things are obviously beyond our control. Some people live with others who cause them to be depressed. And one must learn how to live with that without it bringing them down. Sometimes a person’s own belief system causes them to bring depressed, when in reality they have a belief that is all wrong.


    Newcommer, cheer up. We don’t live forever. So whatever is troubling you; it is only temporary. In a hundred years, it won’t make a difference and no one will care. So as Reb Nachman and the g’marah advocated: Be happy… live for today and don’t worry about yesterday or tomorrow.

    You cannot serve G-d when in an unhappy state.


    add some humor to your life! Learn to laugh at the simple things that come your way, even if they seem “not funny”. Thing about all the happy things that come your way- all day long. Focus on them. Happiness is an active occupation-

    you must try to make yourself happy.

    And Emunah will guide you through it all- and release the source of stress and unhappiness within you.

    But you have to be the one trying to create a happiness within yourself!


    Cherry Bim: “Newcommer, cheer up. We don’t live forever. So whatever is troubling you; it is only temporary. In a hundred years, it won’t make a difference and no one will care”.

    Now,thats not very comforting! Maybe in 100 years, it wont make a difference, but 100 years is a long time! Besides, we have to live in the moment and focus on being happy right now, not waste our life away cuz in 100 years, its not gonna matter anyway.

    Newcommer: Try to sit down and think where your source of unhappiness is coming from. If its coming from a fear or worry abt the future, strenghtening ur emunah may help.

    If if its fixable, try to fix it. If its a general feeling of unhappiness with no cure then try excersizing, socializing, and being busy.Strengthening your connection with Hashem will always help though, since living with Hashem gives you comfort, meaning and feeling that you are not alone.

    Good Luck!!


    Do hisbodedus, if you don’t know what it is learn about it. Also I recommend learning Reb Nachmans Sefer likutei moharan. Hatzlacha


    @moish26, according to you its usser to be on the CR, why are you still posting??????????????

    Reb Eliezer

    Keep Rebbi Nachum Gam Zu’s saying always in mind, גם זו לטובה, this is also for the better. It could have been worse. Emphasize the positive. כל מה דעבד רחמנא לטב עבד, everything Hashem does is for the good. The Chasam Sofer interprets the pasuk וראית את אחרי ופני לא יראו. We don’t see the big picture. We see things from hindsight. איזהו עשיר השמח בחלקו, the truly rich person is happy with their lot.

    Sam Klein

    The secret to a life of happiness is living with Bitachon and Emunah (Faith and trust in Hashem) when a person lives with this full time then he gets to be the happiest person in the world cause nothing in the entire world can effect him. Even if a robber steals from him or someone injures him he doesn’t say let it be a forgiveness cause he can’t run after the thief or person who injured him but he says it cause he truly believes that it’s for his good and directly sent from Hashem. Such a person is allergic to one word and that is daaga/worry that man has no worries and is the happiest man in the world knowing that everything Hashem does is for his benefit and ultimate good.

    Make for yourself a daily learning Seder of the Sefer chovos halevovos (duties of the heart) which they have in English too and change yourself over to the happiest person and say goodbye to all stress and depression forever

    I wish you lots of Hatzlacha ahead

    Reb Eliezer

    Sam, it is emunah and bitachon as the Ramban’s sefer not in reverse. Emunah leads to bitachon not vice versa as in English, faith and trust.

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