OCD or Worrying?

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  • #618626
    Torah4Me
    Participant

    Do you also experience this? My daughter makes a comment or asks me a question that is out of context or totally out of the blue, and I think ‘why has she said that?’ I can’t think of any other reason other than that she has had some bad dream about me and I begin to worry? This has happened more than once, and from more than one of my children and I’m wondering if you also get comments/questions like this which are totally out of the blue and just ignore them or this is unique to me and I should continue worrying?

    #1191338
    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    Children are known to say strange things.

    #1191339
    Lightbrite
    Participant

    I have no clue what type of question you are talking about and how it relates to you. However, I do know that as a child I asked a plethora of questions that people often thought were “random.” They weren’t random, obviously. They were jarred by something within the conversation that triggered a thought train and eventually a question.

    The best thing that you can do is answer her questions. From my experience, if the first person I asked didn’t answer my question, then I found someone else who would. Be there for your daughter and answer her questions.

    IMHO, if you have concerns about your childrens’ questions, then maybe you can address this with a therapist or behavioral health professional to see if you have cause to take it personally.

    You can also think about how it’s a great thing that your children are questioning and making connections beyond your expectations 🙂

    #1191340
    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    I am far from being a child, but many times I ask my mother a question out of the blue. She generally makes an incorrect assumption about why I am asking the question, since the real reason is something she could not have guessed in a million years.

    Uh, come to think of it, this exact scenario just happened about a week or two ago. I asked her something about why people got divorced. She assumed I was asking because I am in shidduchim and go out with guys who are divorced. I didn’t want to explain that I was having an argument with someone in the Coffee Room, so I just said that I had had a discussion with someone about the topic and was curious about it.

    #1191341
    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    Lightbrite +1!

    #1191342
    Lightbrite
    Participant

    lilmod ulelamaid: “I didn’t want to explain that I was having an argument with someone in the Coffee Room…”

    Lol! I was talking to a friend about the pareve thread today. It’s so funny how the CR spills into my daily life. It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one 🙂

    +1 for you too

    #1191343
    Spunk
    Member

    I may be wrong, but it seems to me Torah4Me is referring to him/herself, not daughter… i.e. is this experience of worrying about said child’s questions common to other posters or is it possibly a manifestation of a more worrisome pattern in Torah4Me’s brain?

    Torah4Me, please clarify.

    #1191344
    Abba_S
    Participant

    Everyone’s mind act differently. When a child asks a question it is usually about something that she heard or saw. While to you it may seem out of context to you, to them it seem within context you just have to understand how her mind works. Children say the darnedest things. These children should be answered and it’s better that they learn it from their parents, a responsible adult then finding out from a friend.

    #1191345
    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    Spunk – he is referring to himself/parents, but by explaining why I, as a daughter, do this, I can lay his mind to rest by showing him that it’s normal for kids to do this, so he can stop worrying about his kids. (assuming of course, that the fact that I do it is proof that it is normal).

    #1191346
    Abba_S
    Participant

    Is implying that someone is lying and referring to himself and not to his daughter Loshon Horahm, Motzei Shem Ra or neither? Isn’t it embarrassing someone in public. I am not a member of the Shmiras Ha Loshon Squad nor am I accusing anyone of the sin. I am merely warning the posters of the possibility that they might be transgressing this sin. I look forward to your response.

    #1191347
    Spunk
    Member

    Abba- do you really?

    “I look forward to your response”.

    #1191348
    Abba_S
    Participant

    Spunk-Abba- do you really?

    “I look forward to your response”.

    My post was in response to the following post on this thread

    “Spunk – he is referring to himself/parents” If you feel this statement IS NOT Loshan Horah or Motzei Shem Ra then justify your position. Your silence is an admission of guilt.

    #1191349
    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    So Spunk, Abba wants you to tell him if you (and therefore I as well when I agreed with you) were speaking MSR when you said that Torah4me was referring to himself. If you don’t agree, he will take that as admission of guilt (that you and I were in fact speaking MSR).

    #1191350
    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    To answer your question, Abba, I appreciate your concern with Motzi Shem Ra. However, I do not see any Motzi Shem Ra in Spunk’s comment which is why I agreed with it.

    Spunk stated as follows: “I may be wrong, but it seems to me Torah4Me is referring to him/herself, not daughter… i.e. is this experience of worrying about said child’s questions common to other posters or is it possibly a manifestation of a more worrisome pattern in Torah4Me’s brain?

    Torah4Me, please clarify.”

    I understood that Spunk was simply explaining Torah4me’s comment and not in any way implying that Torah4me was lying, and that is why I agreed with it. I am not sure how someone can read into Spunk’s words that he/she was saying that Torah4me was lying, and I certainly did not (and still do not) suspect Spunk of doing so (which is why I agreed with him/her.)

    #1191351
    Torah4Me
    Participant

    Sorry for the ambiguity, spunk is correct. I was saying that if others experience these comments the whole time and don’the react it just means that I have OCD and that’s why I react with worrying. But if other people’s kids don’t make comments like this then I have a unique message which I am quite correct to worry about.

    #1191352
    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    Torah4me – that is how I understood Spunk’s comment and why I concurred with him/her. Thank you for confirming. My point in telling you about my experiences as a daughter was not to c”v convince you that you have OCD. I think it is normal for parents to worry about their children. However, I also do not think that you have anything to worry about as it is normal for kids to ask questions.

    On the other hand, if you do feel that a particular child continually asks questions about a particular topic (especially if it is a sensitive topic such as death) I would think that it MIGHT make sense to try to think about why that may be so, although it doesn’t necessarily mean that there is cause for concern.

    #1191353
    Abba_S
    Participant

    Spunk stated as follows: “I may be wrong, but it seems to me Torah4Me is referring to him/herself, not daughter… i.e. is this experience of worrying about said child’s questions common to other posters or is it possibly a manifestation of a more worrisome pattern in Torah4Me’s brain?

    Torah4Me, please clarify.”

    Spunk clearly stated that Torah4Me MAYBE referring to himself / herself and not her daughter, implying that he/she was maybe lying. You took it as fact “Spunk – he is referring to himself/parents”. The question posed was should Torah4Me be concerned about the child’s behavior. Not does Torah4Me have OCD.

    #1191354
    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    Spunk stated that Torah4me might have been referring to himself and not his daughter. If I am understanding you correctly, you took this to mean that Spunk thought that Torah4me said that he was referring to his daughter but he was really lying and referring to himself. (I’m not even sure what that means – how can you be lying about what you mean? But whatever, that’s not important)

    In any case, I did not understand Spunk’s words that way at all. When he said that Torah4me might be referring to himself and not his daughter, the reason for the words, “and not his daughter” was that Spunk felt that other posters (such as myself) THOUGHT that Torah4me was referring to his daughter and he/she (Spunk) thought that WE were wrong.

    In other words, the words “and not his daughter” were referring to MY misconceptions and not to any dishonesty on Torah4me’s part.

    Spunk thought that I must have misunderstood Torah4me’s point since I was bringing an example as a daughter. So I had to explain to Spunk that I had not misunderstood his point, and there was a reason why I brought my example.

    Based on Torah4me’s response, it seems that Spunk and I were correct in our understanding of his original post.

    You write, “The question posed was should Torah4Me be concerned about the child’s behavior. Not does Torah4Me have OCD.” But as can clearly be seen from Torah4me’s last post, his concern was that he may have OCD.

    So I really do not think that there is any reason whatsoever to think badly of Spunk and to assume that he/she was accusing Torah4me of lying.

    But I appreciate your concern that I was speaking Motzi Shem Ra and your attempt to spare me from gehinnon. That was very kind of you.

    #1191357
    Meno
    Participant

    What does any of this have to do with OCD?

    #1191358
    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    any of which – my post or the OP?

    #1191359
    Spunk
    Member

    Torah4Me, thanks for clarifying.

    It seems from other posters that your daughter’s questions are normal for a child (assuming she is still a child?). As far as worrying about OCD or some other anxiety disorder, I would suggest seeing if worrying comes into play in other areas of your life. That would give you more perspective on whether this is an isolated area that you get very concerned about or if it is more widespread.

    #1191360
    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    I think that Torah4Me is still waiting for parents’ perspectives on this matter. I would be curious to know what other parents have to say.

    #1191361
    Spunk
    Member

    LU- Instead of speculating what Torah4me wants, please let Torah4Me speak for him/herself. If you are interested in hearing what other parents have to say, ask for yourself.

    #1191362
    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    Spunk – it was your speculation, and I thought that Torah4me concurred.

    I wasn’t trying to speak for anyone else. You had pointed out that Torah4me might not be interested in my opinion as you thought that he/she wanted to hear from parents & not from daughters, so I didn’t want him/her to think we weren’t paying attention to his/her request.

    I have spent a lot of time responding to your post and then explaining and reexplaining. I hope everyone understands now, and I can stop explaining and reexplaining :).

    #1191363
    Spunk
    Member

    “I have spent a lot of time responding to your post and then explaining and reexplaining. I hope everyone understands now, and I can stop explaining and reexplaining :).”

    You have my gracious permission to stop explaining and re-explaining.

    #1191364
    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    Thanks so much 🙂

    #1191365
    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    Yasher Koach to Abba_S for realizing how important it is to stop L”H! Since you are so concerned about this, maybe you would like to help me out with my Shmiras Halashon Thread and contribute halachos as well? Personally, I really like “A Lesson A Day” by Rav Shimon Finkelman and Rav Yitzchak Berkowitz.

    Thank you!

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