Older Siblings More Ruchniyosdik Than Younger Siblings

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    I’ve often noticed a phenomenon where older siblings of a Torah family are more spiritual than their younger siblings. For one reason or another I’ve attributed this to where the father coming straight out of Yeshiva, or even still in Yeshiva, when beginning a new family, is still steeped in Torah values and strongly imparts these values to his children. As time wanes, unfortunately, these values sometimes weaken and future children do not receive as strong a ruchniyos upbringing.

    Your thoughts, please.

    P.S. I’m sure everyone can cite exceptions to the rule, themselves included.


    I don’t think there’s a correlation



    Yes, the entropy factor, if not checked, levels a person, or family’s ambitious Ruchnius. Moreover, when you are dealing with more than one person it is much easier to slide slowly than to jolt everyone involved.



    Well there is a saying that as the generations go on they lessen in ruchniyus.

    The technology and styles or attraction to internet….etc that we have now are not comparible to ten years ago.

    I know teachers say that their students from now are much harder than students from a few years ago.

    So there is some truth to what you say.

    (P.s. I come out somewhere in the middle..lol)



    I find that the older children are usually the biggest reshaim.



    Perhaps it is because, as one grows older, they (for the most part – there are always exceptions) grow wiser and more mature.



    I think it has more to do with how sheltered the children are. It is much easier to shelter a first child (or first children), then it is to shelter later ones. As the older ones grow they have more interaction with the outside world and bring that back to the home where it influences the younger ones. As a mashal, many oldest children do not get ‘nosh’ until they are older, whereas younger ones often have it very early, why? The older ones only know what they are given by their parents whereas the younger siblings see what their big brother/sister has and want the same.

    I also find that oldest children are usually the most similar, personality-wise, to their parents, I think for the same reason.



    I don’t agree with you. I know many families who have the opposite. I think every family has its own dynamics and every child is different.


    i’m an oldest and i am more frum than my siblings but not from closeness to my parents. it was a conscience decision to be different than my parents and i made changes (and making changes) to the i live and think so i DONT bring habits and practices from my parents into my home when IY”H i get married.

    my father thinks i’m close to him, but in actuality, i don’t hold his opinion as high as he thinks i do. the family dynamics are very complicated but my trust in my parents has been eaten away and chipped off after they lied to me about certain things and breaking promises once too many times.

    the reason i’m as frum as i am is because i dont want to be my parents. my father knows i’m frummer than my siblings but he also knows, i gave up trying to influence them. it only causes issues. if he wants to help them, he should do it. i’m going to do what i’m doing for ME only, for my ruchnius and to save my sanity in my messed up family



    I find that the older children are usually the biggest reshaim.

    LOL. Totally agree.

    In many cases I believe that lakewoodwife’s point is actually the reason for this, because it backfires, as cinderella taynehed on that other thread.



    pba: “I find that the older children are usually the biggest reshaim”

    Are you a Bechor by any chance???


    Thinking mom

    I don’t know, my kids are still young. It is true that parents are able to spend more time and energy on their older kids (especially the first one), but that could cut both ways. It could mean they grow up better adjusted, but it could also mean they grow up too smothered.



    The older children are the ones you practice your Chinuch on.



    Is that a good thing, HaLeiVi? If so, why stop after the older children?


    Interesting, I was thinking along the lines of the OP recently.

    I thought it might be because the older children are directly influenced by their parents since they spend more time with them. The younger ones generally spend more time with their siblings and get the family values ‘second-hand’ from them.





    YW Moderator-42

    I agree with popa. Eisav and Yishmael were the oldest.



    maybe they’re more serious but being serious has nothing to do with ruchniyos, it just means that they’re different



    I think parents are def. more involved being “actively mechanech” the older kids. Now it depends what they’re doing.

    With some parents that’s great, with some some its horrific.


    a mamin

    I find that with my children as well, I think we had more Koach when we were younger….. Though the younger ones should look up to their older siblings, whereas the older ones didnt have older siblings to look up to…

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