October 11, 2010 6:04 pm at 6:04 pm #592592
Being an older single is not easy and there are plenty out there.
so let’s have a support group on the CR. Each week with a new question. and all the older singles will answer how they deal with that situation. for example the 1st question:
WHAT KIND OF HISHTADLUSH (SPIRITUAL) DO U DO? FOR EXAMPLE TEFILLAH, TZEDDAKAH, SEGULLAHS. AND AFTER DOING THAT GIVES YOU A DRIVE TO KNOW E/T WILL BE GOOD?
Thanks,October 11, 2010 6:13 pm at 6:13 pm #699793
Please define the age range you want to hear from, both upper and lower.October 11, 2010 6:18 pm at 6:18 pm #699794sof davar hakol nishmaMember
how old is considered an older single? (how olds the youngest?)
Hishtadlus- well although its not fun, meeting shadchanim, looking good and put together (whether your a girl or boy) but particularly for girls. and TEFILA TEFILA TEFILAOctober 11, 2010 6:23 pm at 6:23 pm #699795
OK, this makes me the official CR ninjaOctober 11, 2010 6:32 pm at 6:32 pm #699796
ages are different depending on which circles you come from but everyone knows for themselves.October 11, 2010 6:49 pm at 6:49 pm #699797MichelleNYMember
Heard this in a class this past week, if you are in need of any yeshuah 2 things are needed – tefillah- the real kind, not the mouthing empty words while wondering what to have for lunch kind. Read the words from a siddur and think about what you’re saying, who you’re speaking to! It can be pretty awe inspiring. The 2nd thing that’s needed is bitachon. Knowing the Creator is your Father in Heaven is an absolute must. These 2 things combined – good tefillot knowing how much Hashem cares about you and how all-powerful he is, is the trick. Realize that you wouldn’t be where you are right now if it wasn’t the absolute best thing for you at the moment. If you can work on having these 2 things consistently, you will feel great. Warning: not as easy as it sounds. It really does have to be worked on.
It’s a pretty personal topic, but my best friend and I can be completely honest with each other. While I concluded I was missing quantity of tefillot (making the time to pray a good amidah more often), she admitted her quality (bitachon) was lacking.
Where can you improve?
I don’t go for segulot so much, I believe more in cheshbon hanefesh, working on your middot (this requires honesty with oneself) and working on your tefillah, which is our primary way of connecting with Hashem. Definitely give tzedakah, and be out there- make sure the local shadchans know you, look your best and smile! It’s so important to smile and keep a positive attitude.
Wishing you all much success.October 11, 2010 6:49 pm at 6:49 pm #699798ChossonMember
Squeak, come again pleaseOctober 11, 2010 6:58 pm at 6:58 pm #699799Pashuteh YidMember
Squeak, I wanted to apologize when I said on some other thread that people think young people are more with it. I did not mean anything against older people, it is just a perception that is common these days. Squeak is a multi-talented individual who can teach those young whippersnappers a thing or two.October 11, 2010 7:10 pm at 7:10 pm #699800SacrilegeMember
“Warning: not as easy as it sounds.”
That doesnt sound easy.October 11, 2010 7:31 pm at 7:31 pm #699801
MichelleNY: 100% true!!!!!!!!!I also believe these 2 things are the most important. and don’t forget if you’ll have fully trust in him hashem will say ok i’ll help her/him.
“Warning: not as easy as it sounds.” If you just try to work on tefillah and bituchin you’ll see how sweet it’s it’s totally not hard! it will be addictive you’ll feel soooooo close to hashem!
you’ll be such a happy joyous person!October 11, 2010 7:35 pm at 7:35 pm #699802
PY- thank you. I accept the apology you offer, though none was due. FTR, I hadn’t taken offense. I was kidding, as usual.October 11, 2010 7:45 pm at 7:45 pm #699803MichelleNYMember
Sacrilege, to some it may. Though I’m glad you’re keeping realistic, if you really want it and work on it Hashem helps. Wishing you the best of luck. May Hashem send you your bashert soon, it should be the right time and you should both have absolute clarity.October 11, 2010 7:54 pm at 7:54 pm #699804MoqMember
And Vaadas HaRabbanim…I’m the cynically intellectual type, God knows. But send them some cash. I got convinced after I gave them $180 for three girls who had both been on the market for some years. One was the rosh yeshiva daugther type and had been out with half of lakewood. The other was a baal teshuvah giyores funny matsav, and had had two parshios in her entire career. One was just regular. I’m not sure what they did, the Kosel Thing & yada yada yada…
They got engaged the same week. Again, I am a cynic. But I also respect results.
Worst thing that can happen will be that more people will eat in Eretz Yisrael.October 11, 2010 8:01 pm at 8:01 pm #699805SacrilegeMember
Amen. Thank you MichelleNY.
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