One Bashert?

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    This may have been asked on this site, however the concept of “Bashert” is something I have been wondering about. Does each person have only one bashert? (i.e.-the person they are called to marry 40 days before birth) and that’s who it is best for them to marry? Or can someone have a few or even many…or can even anyone be bashert? I am curious what determines which one they will end up marrying. Also can someone daven for a specific person to be their bashert and be best for them? (if the person has traits and characteristics that will enhance their marriage in a torahdik way-not just looks, money, etc.)

    What makes someone “bashert” and “not bashert?” What should one look for?

    All thoughts welcome 🙂


    I’m no authority on this, but I remember hearing (from a reliable source) that a person has two basherts, and it doesn’t make a difference which one the person marries. I would imagine the name called out forty days before birth is the person they end up marrying.

    In regard to the second question, (and this is just my feeling, no source,) I remember on more than one occasion people have told me that so-and-so is dating someone and it was at a serious stage, and to daven that it work out. I never understood that, because just because it got to that stage, didn’t automatically make it right. You want to marry your bashert, and you would like for your bashert to have certain qualities. Does a person really want to marry someone who looks good (as far as shidduchim) if that isn’t really their bashert? Safest bet, daven that Hashem send your (or whoever it is you’re asking about) bashert and that s/he be a good spouse.




    Men can have more than one bashert, since they can al pi Torah (and according to non-Ashkenazic minhugim) have more than one wife.


    The gemara in the beginning of Sotah asks a question that we find two seemingly contradictory statements: 1) That 40 days before the fetus is formed a voice calls out saying whom he will marry; and 2) That making a shidduch is as difficult as splitting the sea. Now surely one could speculate and say different answers or reasons why it isn’t a question, BUT, the gemara answers by saying “ha bezivug rishon ha bezivug sheini”; that is, the 40 days thing is only for the first zivug, while a second marriage requires such difficulty to arrange being that it is not ‘bashert’, at least not in that sense. I think one could infer from this gemara that there aren’t two ‘basherts’ for one person. I don’t know why that would make any difference in the quality of the relationship though, and don’t see from the gemara that it would.



    That was my brother’s suggestion to me last night. Boys 🙂


    Thanks for the feedback.

    I wonder also…what makes a specific person bashert or not bashert for someone? Can any great girl be bashert for a great boy? (and vice versa)


    midos helps.

    Pashuteh Yid

    That gemara also says that the bas kol says, Sadeh ploni lploni, so and so will buy so and so’s field. It really doesn’t seem to be saying that there is a magical person. Only that Hashem knows the future. Anytime we do anything, or make any decision, Hashem knows in advance what we will do.

    I know this is confusing, but it seems to mean that one can’t pass up on his bashert. However, the Steipler was rumored to have said that if a person is too picky, he can miss out on his bashert.

    ha ha ha ha

    I heard that a person has 2 basherts a “good one” and a “bad one”

    if the person is zoche then he will marry the “good one” and if he is not zoche then he will marry the “bad one”


    For all intents and purposes this is a totally irrelevant question

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