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Lately I am hearing more and more about OTD. It seems no community is untouched.
And it does make me feel sad. People develop a dislike and hatred for judaism so much they are willing to break off all family and friends ties because of it. They are so misreable they are willing to break off all ties.
people are willing to divorce their spouses and get into nasty custody cases over it. People not speaking to their parents.
People breaking off life long friendships.
And when you try to get into a meaningful conversation with people it seems people just dont understand. Ive read my threads here and most people really dont understand.
I am not trying to wag the finger at anyone, Just sit back and lament at the loss
Dad – What is it exactly that you don’t understand? Why kids, and adults, btw, go OTD? Why people react to them in negative ways?
I certainly agree that most people, especially those that are relatively untouched by this phenomenon, don’t understand a lot about the dynamics of OTD. I just wanted to make sure I understood your statement in the way you meant it.
Zahavasdad
In almost all cases people go OTD because they are angry and in pain and they are either (foolishly and misguidedly) lashing out at Hashem or at those who hurt them and perceive that this way of life must be meaningless if their Rebbe Morah Rav parent….can be so hurtful and put on a facade of being frum.
If people lack true faith and emunah, and if they go through the motions because that’s how they were raised and they fear ostracism, being disowned, and have no awareness or ability to make it on the outside world, they are trapped in. When an individual feels as if they don’t believe in Torah and mitzvot, what do we do with such people? How helpful is it to these people and their plight to assume that as someone with a Yiddishe neshama, “deep down” they really do want to believe and keep the mitzvot, even if they’re errant or resistant?
People who are off the derech would most likely want to stay connected with their family and friends, however, it is normally the family and friends who aren’t accepting of the different lifestyle choices, and thus, push them away.
The good news is that many people who go off the derech do eventually come back, and when they come back they are as shtark as shtark can be.
morahmom
Thanks for presenting the silver lining. However as shtark as they may become, depending on how long they were “off” and what they did during that time, they can have some serious demons to battle for the rest of their lives.
Everyone has demons from something. Nobody’s life is entirely rosy and immaculate. It just doesn’t exist.
Thanks, jewish feminist, for taking the words right off of my keyboard in response to WIY. Yes, the lifestyle of kids who go OTD may certainly be reckless in many respects, but once they do tshuva -for real – they do emerge with a strength that many FFBs who stayed on the derech envy. And yes, if you are a human being, chances are you are battling something. I have yet to find a person with absolutely perfect middos, whose parents had absolutely perfect middos.
If someone has doubts and issues and goes off the derech, he/she gets the quick’n’dirty method of testing his/her theories. That will naturally give clarity, in a way.
This compared to people who have doubts and issues, stay the way they are (outwardly, at least), and then have to fight with, to use WIY’s word, their “demons” for the rest of their lives.
I guess that’s the whole Amish rumspringa concept. (Not saying it’s the right solution, but knowing the hard way may, in some strange ways, be better than not knowing at all.)
This from someone who isn’t really very close to OTD people or chozrim beteshuva but is definitely having issues with her own inner demons, so take it with a grain of salt.
Writersoul
You can’t undo certain things. If a person ruined their mind and body with drugs or doing other things there’s no undoing them an there’s a certain regret and possibly even addiction or strong tendency to certain things that will have to be fought for many years. Just because he or she comes back doesn’t mean they are healed or whole it just means they realized the foolishness of their ways. They still have to live with whatever effects their choices had on their physical or mental well-being. For example if a girl makes a certain mistake she can’t take that back and so to a guy to some extent for that matter. It’s something that they will have to live with for life. Whatever demons people on the derech battle it’s no comparison to what people who came back have to live with.
I strongly disagree. There are many irreversible mistakes that a person can make while still “on the derech”. Because remember, “on the derech” does not mean free from aveiros.
WIY – I have not interviewed every OTD person out there, or everyone who stayed on the derech. Yes, drugs can pull a wringer on your brain, with permanent affects. Certainly any recklessness in tznius – for boys and girls – will have long lasting affects. That is not to say that people who have not experimented with drugs don’t have their own battles to fight. What about all the underage drinking that is accepted in so many Yeshivos, even by the “good boys”?
It’s a very confusing world out there, and it scares me that so many adults don’t seem to have gotten solid grounding in hashkafa. These are the people bring up the OTD kids!
So my 9 days tefila is for the time of the geulah when the Navi says “V’heishiv lev avos al bonim v’lev bonim al avosam”.
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