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I think it is only fair that the cost of dating be split 50/50 between the guy and the girl. It doesn’t have to be exact where they split it on each date — although that is also a good idea if it is practicable — but even if he pay for the first date, she pays for the second, etc. (And she still comes out ahead if they go out an odd number of dates!) But fair is fair. (No jokes about all is fair in love and war.)
No, this should be the boy’s responsibility 100%. After the wedding, the money and expenses are all in one pool, but prior to that, the boy should take the iniiative
In that case I think the boys should all chip in for the cost of dating as far as the girls are concerned. There is of course the wardrobe, make-up, haircare, etc. The boy can wear the same suit with a different tie and who will know the difference. The girls on the other hand even if they don’t go out with the same guy a second time, still needs different clothes because they don’t want other people to keep seeing them in the same outfits. Girls have a reputation to uphold because of all the yentas around.
I think everyone should stop feeling so sorry for the young men. They have the upper hand these days and have many more opportunities and many more dates than the girls do. Let them do their homework and be creative. Find ways to have a good time without spending a lot of money. And no the girl should not have to chip in or split the bill. Lets stop finding ways for men to stop acting like men. Lets stop finding ways of taking responsibility away from them. Let these young men step up to the plate and prove they are ready, willing and able to get married.
So Right,
I hear ya, but I think the guy should pay for the dates. Im of the old-school opinion that the man should support the woman, and since dating is the begining of a lifetime together…
The boys have always paid and finances are their resposnibility in life. Don’t try and switch things around.
Obviously if the couple is dating for 8 months and going out 3-4 a week, then I hear your point. But, for traditional yeshivish dating, no.
Who cares? How about “whatever works for the couple?”
Seriously, if you’re going to start fighting over who pays for the date, then there probably isn’t much hope to begin with.
The Wolf
(Tongue firmly planted in cheek). perhaps the shadchan should pay for the 1st date? you know, sort of a guarantee that they really think it is a good idea. If it progresses further they can be reimbursed.
Guys should pay and i’ll even say its a Torah concept too.
Split the cost?
I think the girl should pay, and also pick the guy up, and choose the destination.
Guys- we have the advantage; we just need to start insisting.
“perhaps the shadchan should pay for the 1st date?”
BRILLIANT!
I normally don’t do all caps, but this was so funny and so chochmadik, it needed to be shouted out loud.
Nisht azoi pushit, PushitaYid.. nisht azoi pushit!
How about women start paying when they earn $1 for every $1 men earn? Or after men start having babies, which will probably come before equal pay for equal work.
Great idea!lol that would stop Pants+Skirt=Shidduch .
But seriously, the girl pays for the majority of the wedding.
I know it’s annoying to pay ridiculous amounts for parking and $5 sodas but… man up. You are responsible for supporting your wife not 50/50.
“I think the girl…also pick the guy up, and…..”
Better make sure the boys mother is a seminary graduate or she wont be able to give the girl a farher while the guy finishes combing his hair. It would be very embarrassing if the girl shlugged up the boys father if he tried to give her a farher 🙂
or if the boy’s purse didn’t match his coat!
Aries, it might be a bigger problem if it DID match 🙂
Maybe the next time you go out on a date bring this up. I’m sure she’ll give you good advice 🙂
in jewish and non jewish society, traditionally men brought Parnassa, and women brought up children.
If you are ready to change reality, unsure how many women will be there who would want to partner.
What is the problem of being a man?
If you cant buy her a Dinner now, how can you prove you are capable of handling Parnassa and supporting your family?
If you are not ready to take care of a wife and children, maybe you are not ready to date?
A few weeks ago a friend and I were having a cup of coffee in a local Starbucks when a couple very obviously on a shidduch date came in and sat down next to us.
They solved the problem of who pays in a simple way–they didn’t order anything!
in jewish and non jewish society, traditionally men brought Parnassa, and women brought up children.
Exactly Professional. I fully agree with you that should continue today. Men should bring the parnassa and women should stay home with the children.
in a local Starbucks…. they didn’t order anything!
Of course not.
Which Sem girl / Bais boy drinks cholov stam?
that is stealing from starbucks, they put those tables there for paying customers
BP Totty
There are things you can get in Starbucks which aren’t cholov stam. For example, black coffee (soy milk can be added).
so right, why am i getting a feeling of deja vu? haven’t we gone through this topic already ad nauseum? hate to tell you, but you’re still going to be stuck paying, so get over it. be a man (or at least pretend, like the others do)
the guy has to pay AFTER the wedding. until they are married why should he spend money on who knows how many dates till he finds his beshert?
and also if the guy is a learner all they are doing is taking the money from his parents.
split it 50/50 i say!!!
BPT, dunno is correct. In addition to black coffee or espresso, you could even order a bottle of water. Oh wait, isn’t that “mayim stam?” LOL.
TheGoq, I agree. It’s also, perhaps, a Chilul Hashem.
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