April 24, 2017 10:55 pm at 10:55 pm #1261801
Because some of them are better than me.April 24, 2017 11:20 pm at 11:20 pm #1261818
Why should that scare you if you have high self esteem?
If someone’s self-esteem is high, he doesn’t feel a need to compare himself to others, and even if he does compare himself to others, it doesn’t bother him if they are better.
Besides, you are obviously better than them in at least one area (the area of self-esteen).April 24, 2017 11:20 pm at 11:20 pm #1261823JosephParticipant
Some people with low self-esteem are our best and brightest.April 25, 2017 6:33 am at 6:33 am #1261841rebshidduchParticipant
Joseph, thats correct like me.April 25, 2017 8:42 am at 8:42 am #1261934
lol, I was debating if I should write that 🙂
When I saw that Joseph had commented but his post was still “awaiting moderation”, I was wondering if that’s what he had written.April 25, 2017 9:42 am at 9:42 am #1262059
Cookie cutters leave scars.April 25, 2017 9:52 am at 9:52 am #1262077
The fact that someone wrote something that I had been thinking of doesn’t make me a cookie cutter if that’s what you meant.
I may be many things but I’m definitely not a cookie cutter.April 25, 2017 9:52 am at 9:52 am #1262080JosephParticipant
Great minds think alike?April 25, 2017 10:05 am at 10:05 am #1262094MenoParticipant
What does it mean for a person to be a “cookie cutter”?April 25, 2017 10:05 am at 10:05 am #1262096
“Great minds think alike?’
Or maybe we are all really the same person. (j/k)April 25, 2017 10:05 am at 10:05 am #1262100
Nobody accused anyone of being a cookie cutter. Turtles carry salmonella.April 25, 2017 10:08 am at 10:08 am #1262127
A teenage girl I knew told me that her school is a cookie-cutter school and she’s the leftover dough.April 25, 2017 10:08 am at 10:08 am #1262129
She was modern Yeshivish.April 25, 2017 4:55 pm at 4:55 pm #1262412
Meno – a “cookie-cutter school” in which supposedly the girls are all taught to be exactly the same.
So I was guessing that a cookie-cutter person would be a person who copies others, although I’m not sure that I ever heard it used that way. And actually, I’m not sure it makes sense since she would be the cookie, not the cookie cutter.April 25, 2017 11:48 pm at 11:48 pm #1262578rebshidduchParticipant
Lilmod, not all schools fit everyone.April 26, 2017 11:55 am at 11:55 am #1262803
Who said anything about people being cookie cutters?April 29, 2017 9:45 pm at 9:45 pm #1265426
no one – I was responding to Meno’s question.May 10, 2017 12:43 pm at 12:43 pm #1273592
I think I’ve figured it out.
Conventional wisdom states that accomplishments and positive traits make people feel good about themselves. But all the fine, accomplished people who still have low self esteem contradict that. And that means that no matter what you do, no matter what kind of person you are, you can still get stuck feeling like a total loser. And that’s scary.May 10, 2017 1:16 pm at 1:16 pm #1273603
Cookie cutters are a kitchen tool used to cut cookies into shape. They tend to have rather dull edges, so when they do pierce the skin the cut tends to not heal so nicely.May 10, 2017 1:16 pm at 1:16 pm #1273621
I don’t think that self esteem comes from accomplishments per se’. I think you are right that any kind of person can have low self esteem.
Self- esteem is something that mainly comes from inside – from knowing that you are Hashem’s child, that He loves you, and that you have G-d- given potential to do amazing things. And this is true no matter what traits and abilities you have. We all have the same potential in terms of Ruchnius, and it’s the Ruchnius accomplishments that should give us true self-esteem.
The problem with non-Ruchnius accomplishments is that the more one achieves, the more he feels he needs to achieve, so he is never satisfied with himself. Also non-Ruchnius accomplishments have no intrinsic value and don’t reflect on the person doing them so they can’t bring true happiness and self-esteem unless they are connected to Ruchnius accomplishments and viewed as a tool for Ruchnius accomplishments.
The best way to gain self-esteem is through working on bitachon. Reading Shaar Habitachon in Chovos Halevavos can be very helpful.
The other two important things are: 1. making sure you have a good support system and hanging out with positive people who like you and think well of you. 2. Taking care of yourself.May 10, 2017 1:53 pm at 1:53 pm #1273635☕ DaasYochid ☕Participant
Do you think non religious people can never have good self esteem?May 10, 2017 6:01 pm at 6:01 pm #1273722
In short: self-esteem comes from focusing on and defining yourself according to your (spiritual) potential and not your accomplishments. Your accomplishments are by definition limited so you will alway feel short and always feel bad about yourself if that is how you define yourself.
Your spiritual potential is unlimited so you will feel good about yourself if that is how you define yourself. If we would only realize how much we accomplish with every word, thought, or action! According to the Nefesh HaChaim, there are many “worlds” besides this one, and with every thought, word, or action, we make tremendous changes in all of these worlds. If you ever said one nice word to someone (even “hello”), you have done something so amazing that you can’t even imagine!!!!!May 10, 2017 6:01 pm at 6:01 pm #1273724
DY – non-religious people also have Neshamas and spiritual potential and do Mitzvos whether or not they know that’s what they are called. And a lot of them actually do know about and keep many Mitzvos.
You can’t really divide people up between religious and non-religious so easily. There can be “religious” people who aren’t really particularly religious (they just keep what they keep by rote, and aren’t really focused on Ruchnius growth), and there can be people who would be called non-religious, but really are very focused on Ruchnius growth according to their knowledge and ability.
A better question would be: Can an atheist truly have self-esteem? Or someone who is not an atheist but has no spiritual aspirations?May 10, 2017 7:37 pm at 7:37 pm #1273740
RY – Thank you for starting a “real” topic as opposed to a troll one. I like it when you say real things.
You have a lot of worthwhile things to say. You should do it more often.
Shkoyach!May 10, 2017 8:15 pm at 8:15 pm #1273771WolfishMusingsParticipant
I’m sorry if I scare you.
The WolfMay 10, 2017 8:59 pm at 8:59 pm #1273826YW Moderator-29 👨💻Moderator
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