August 31, 2011 6:52 pm at 6:52 pm #599044
i am natrually a more reserved person i guess, but i think deep down i rly am outgoing.. at least at home i am. idk why just when thrs a bunch of ppl i just get a lot more quiet and reserved and every1 sees me like this but i know im actually rly outgoing and w/e i just idk how to b more outgoing and be more sociable and how to imporove my social skills. BH i have a sense of humor but i kind of like dont knwo how to use it in public cuz im always to shy to.. if tht makes any sense. ok so if u have any advice how to fix this please help!!August 31, 2011 6:55 pm at 6:55 pm #807495TomcheMember
Why does it need “fixing”?August 31, 2011 6:58 pm at 6:58 pm #807496
workinonit, Why are you trying to change your personality?August 31, 2011 7:00 pm at 7:00 pm #807497
because i am outgoing person by nature and by being quite and shy all the time im not being myself.. i need to learn how to be more social and develop my social skills, i mean dont get me wrong im not like socially awkward but imm very far from being considererd a socialble talkative person..August 31, 2011 7:03 pm at 7:03 pm #807498ha ha ha haMember
just be happy with who you are.
There are so many talkers but not enough listeners… ppl value you for who you are not for how many friends you have.August 31, 2011 7:08 pm at 7:08 pm #807499aries2756Participant
What scares you about being yourself in public?August 31, 2011 7:09 pm at 7:09 pm #807500
but how do i develop my social skills? ive gotten SOOO much better in the past few months with being more talkative but i rly need to talk more cuz every1 is alwayd like i feel like i do all the talking in our convos and ppl jsut get annoyed with me.. i dont want to be the friend thts just the listener all the time i want to b able to have fun with ppl and stuff like tht.. like not always intense.. how do i do that? ahhh im stressssingAugust 31, 2011 7:10 pm at 7:10 pm #807501
aries- i think im scared of rejection.. and every time i say im being silly bout fearing rejection i get brave and say or do stuff tht id normally b to shy to do and half the time i dont get the reaction i want so it just puts me back in the cycle of fearing rejection again..August 31, 2011 7:11 pm at 7:11 pm #807502maskingtapeMember
she’s acting too girly with all her likes
lolAugust 31, 2011 7:13 pm at 7:13 pm #807503
i know im sorrrry i say like to much! lol 🙂August 31, 2011 7:35 pm at 7:35 pm #807504aries2756Participant
workinonit, Please work on NOT apologizing so much. That is not good for your self-confidence and self-esteem. There is no reason for it. So that is one thing you can work on.
Second, rejection hurts and it is a bit humiliating but it is not life threatening so we just have to get used to it breathe through it and move on. It certainly is NOT comfortable but it happens to all of us. We all have to learn to deal with it some time in our life. So add a few friends of friends to your circle and try. Keep adding to your circle and keep participating it will become easier and easier as you practice. Life can’t be safe all the time. But you have to keep working on it and trying. After an experience good or bad stand in front of your mirror and tell yourself “that went well” or “That didn’t go so well, but here I am still in one piece, I will have to try again.” How does that sound, do you think you can try it?August 31, 2011 8:12 pm at 8:12 pm #807505mustangriderMember
I find that by keeping quiet in a large group I learn alot….August 31, 2011 9:42 pm at 9:42 pm #807506MichaelCMember
Greet everyone ‘b’seiva panim yafos’ (Avos), see it as a Mitzva you have to do, this will automatically make you outward going.
Someone asked a Baalie Mussar ‘should he study all the mussar books to change his personality for the better, he answered all you have to do is keep all the 613 mitzvos, and not break the 218 aveiros, if you do that, your personality will automatically change.August 31, 2011 9:58 pm at 9:58 pm #807507WIYMember
Im surprised nobody asked her age before giving advice.August 31, 2011 10:26 pm at 10:26 pm #807508
well im a teenager if u couldnt guess by now.. 🙂 i just need advice on how to be more talkative and sociable.. u know those ppl tht just alwaaaaays have something to talk bout? HOW?August 31, 2011 10:42 pm at 10:42 pm #807509blablaParticipant
I was and still am a bit like you. I have a personality that doesn’t get out usually but in one place/situation I was finally able to be myself. I’m hoping it will last throughout this coming year but my advice: go for therapy. It is most likely an insecurity that prevents you from being yourself. I know its a “stigma” but ignore it and do what you need to, to improve your life. Besides, nobody has to know that you went. Too many people think “its not for them, not my thing,etc.” and loose out big time. Don’t make that mistake.September 1, 2011 12:46 am at 12:46 am #807510cinderellaParticipant
workinonit- when u said that u do brave things and don’t get the reaction u want then it’s because what ur doing isnt really u. people get weirded out when a normally shy girl all of the sudden does something outrageous. u just have to be urself. and u also have to know who u really are. I used to hear that alot and i was like- what does that even mean, know who i am??- but it’s really true. People appreciate the real you, not someone who u think u wanna be. and when u get comfortable with how u r, u’ll appreciate u too.September 1, 2011 1:27 am at 1:27 am #807511
cinderella-no thats what i dont get, when im all quiet and w.e ppl say why dont u talk more and u should talk more.. wen i act a lil crazy they just dont seem to like it so much.. im not interested in being known as the shy grl tht doesnt talk! cuz im so not like tht.. i rly am crazy not in a crazzzzzy way but just more bubbly or w.e at home i just dont know why i cant b like tht infront of large groups of ppl..September 1, 2011 3:52 am at 3:52 am #807512
workinonit: i’ve had experience with this matter since i went through it myself..i really no how you feel. Its terrible when you feel like you are not portraying yourself in the way you really are and you feel like people never get to know the real you although you wish they did. You probably feel like if you did act yourself people would like you better and you would have more friends. To me it sounds like you might have something called Social Anxiety. Do some research online, google it,and read about it and see if it matches what you feel like. Please post when you do, i want to help you!September 1, 2011 4:01 am at 4:01 am #807513am yisrael chaiParticipant
“Im (sic) surprised nobody asked her age before giving advice.”
This is clearly a female teen in the process of finding herself based upon the op.September 1, 2011 2:20 pm at 2:20 pm #807514
workinonit, Do you have this problem during one-on-one convos too? Because lots of people have issues showing their true personalities in front of large groups of people. It’s very normal and there is no reason why you should push yourself to change that.
If, however you are more shy and reserved than usual during one-on-one conversation and small groups, it might be worth working on it so you can enjoy socializing more.
Also, you mention that you are much more relaxed and expressive at home. But are you also comfortable around extended family, neighbors and close friends? Is this “problem” only among acquaintances and strangers? Or are you shy around people who you know well too?September 1, 2011 4:36 pm at 4:36 pm #807515
idk if i have social anxiety.. i mean im sure i do to some point but i dont think i have like a mental illness or anything im just shy round ppl…. mytake- im very relaxed and all tht at home and tht is the only place where i am like tht to tht extent. around my close friends im deff relaxed like im nto awkward to be around but i dont like let go everrr, im always known as the shy one to them. around ppl i dont know to well it goes 2 ways… im either very out there and friendly or i can b rly shy and not say a word… i just want to lrn to b myself cuz wen im myself at home i can b rly funny but wen im round othr ppl i get all tense and can barely crack a joke..September 1, 2011 5:37 pm at 5:37 pm #807516
workinonit-Okay, first of all, you definitely don’t sound like you’re socially awkward because you seem to be doing well around your close friends (even though it’s still different than with family).September 1, 2011 5:52 pm at 5:52 pm #807517brotherofursParticipant
i feel like i used to talk much more than i do now, and like i never had to think before i said anything cuz i always had to sm to say and it was comfortable!….
now i feel like i’m more awkward but i think it’s cuz i’m thinking more before i say anything[LH or anything else derogatory].. i dont really like how i’m more awkward especially around people who used to be my close friends its so upsetting 🙁
I also realized that when i’m thinking in my head so much “Is this awkward? is this awkward?” it ends up being awkward, but when i don’t think about it, the conversation was really going good 🙂September 1, 2011 6:08 pm at 6:08 pm #807518
thats my problem!! i dont know how to NOT think. i alwaaaays think bout what should i say should i say this or tht and then it just turns out badly. thr r times wen i get in my moods and i dont think bout anything and eveyrthing i say just comes out.. right, u know wat i mean? but idk how to get in2 those moods. im alwaays thinking bout convos and if its awkward and blah blah..September 2, 2011 9:03 pm at 9:03 pm #807519
i really have the same problem workinonit…but guess what im really trying to workonit (:P). what i think you need to do is first learn to really LIKE yourself..and appreciate yourself for who u are. once you do..u could think to yourself..you know what i am who i am..and im gonna say what i want and who cares if so and so thinks that was a weird comment i like what i said and thats what counts. you can also think: you know how many times u were with people and they said things that u thought came out weird? it always happens.and u don’t really think anything different of the person after..everyone’s entitled! so just work on appreciating yourself for who you are..and once you do ull act urself naturally. (i hope) also, do you find that when u speak to someone ur very focused on what they’re thinking about you the whole time and if they think youre weird?September 2, 2011 11:06 pm at 11:06 pm #807520brotherofursParticipant
workinonit i knwo exactly how u feel
wow peanut ur right and thanks, i probabaly had a much higher self esteem when i talked without thnkingSeptember 9, 2011 3:40 am at 3:40 am #807521
hows it going with this workinonit?September 9, 2011 3:46 am at 3:46 am #807522
well in school i dont act shy at all.. but at random times ppl will b like ur so shy or ur so quiet and tht alwaaaysss gets me down and then im sad for th rest of the day.. its rly a cycleSeptember 9, 2011 3:56 am at 3:56 am #807523
maybe you should just try to accept who you are. Maybe you really naturally are a quiet person. quiet people could have a lot to offer. thats what i learn over the years..i used to have the same depressing feelings as you and i still do sometimes but i try to focus on my good qualities..like im a very good listener…and im more of a deep person, i think a lot because im not always the one talking or partying…as long as your not shy in school because i was really really and it was soooo hard for me..:(September 9, 2011 4:03 am at 4:03 am #807524
but i dont like being a shy person.. thrs so many things i woudl love to do and wen i dont do them i feel like im not acting like myself..
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