Pics of Simchas where family specifically request not to share on social media.

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  • #615850
    mazal77
    Participant

    I am a little irate, at the fact of these “simcha sites” that post pics of the couples without their permission. It is one hundred present gezel to take pics of the choson and kallah and put them up. I was at a simcha recently where the families requested that no pictures be taken and put on on social media. There were even placards on the tables, informing guests NOT to do so!! Well wouldn’t you , know it. Someone sent a picture of the Chosson and Kallah anyway. I really feel these sites serve no purpose. No one should have the right to post pics up, especially WITHOUT permission. It is one hundred percent poor geneviah. Even siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc… should not do so. Why does the whole entire world have to see those pictures. Safety wise, it is not so smart. Thieves can see who got married and know the family won’t be home all week do to Sheva Brochos. It is really sad. Not to mention untzinus. I know most of these couple, who probably do not even have internet, would greatly object to their pictures being uploaded to a Simcha site.

    #1087236
    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    If the chosson and kallah are never seen without a “please don’t post pictures online” sign in the background, the pictures won’t go up.

    #1087238
    Little Froggie
    Participant

    Agree with you TOTALLY.

    SO UNTZNIUS. That’s the current world we live in – “chutzpa yasge”. Everything publicized, publicized, broadcast for the world at large to know, so in-your-face. Utterly disgusting behavior.

    Yidden ought to have an innate sense of tznius, privacy. That’s one of our three defining character traits.

    And all the more so when posting pictures of women, girls. Are they c”v to become “objects” for ogling?!? How wrong!!!

    #1087239
    ubiquitin
    Participant

    I definitely do not disagree at all

    however I do wonder about this “It is one hundred present gezel to take pics of the choson and kallah and put them up.” “It is one hundred percent poor geneviah.”

    what is being stolen?

    #1087240
    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    Privacy and the rights to their own pictures.

    #1087241
    Sam2
    Participant

    I do not think it’s true that people have the right to their own pictures. A picture of yourself isn’t you. I have the right to take a picture of what I see. If what I see is you, I can take a picture.

    #1087242
    lesschumras
    Participant

    It’s hard to argue privacy when there over 500 guests

    #1087243
    ubiquitin
    Participant

    Reb yid

    Where do you gt the idea that you own a picture I take of you?

    #1087244
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    I don’t think it’s gezel. I think some of what they put up violates tznius, and therefore it’s also loshon hora. When it’s unwanted, it’s embarrassing to the chosson/kallah and families, and violates halbonas ponim.

    I think being on a public website accessible to all does violate privacy.

    I think it’s despicable.

    I just don’t think it’s gezel.

    #1087245
    newbee
    Member

    The geni is already out of the bottle- you cant put it back in.

    Perhaps you can confiscate each persons cell phone and camera when they walk in. And hire some sort of CIA-like service to spy out for hidden cameras. Have them sign a legal contract agreeing not to take photos- and hire a team of lawyers to prosecute anyone who does.

    Might increase cost of wedding.

    #1087246
    Participant

    I do not think it’s true that people have the right to their own pictures. A picture of yourself isn’t you. I have the right to take a picture of what I see. If what I see is you, I can take a picture.

    There is no right to take a photo in a private venue.

    It’s hard to argue privacy when there over 500 guests

    Most concerts and sports events are also private venues regardless of the number in attendance.

    #1087247
    cozimjewish
    Member

    Sam2, I hope you are kidding

    #1087248
    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    I have the right to refuse to be photographed in my own house.

    #1087249
    Little Froggie
    Participant

    As I wrote before, it’s not becoming of a Jew.

    I can’t think of a definite, written, exlpicit issur in Shulchan Aruch, (not that I know how to operate one), at best it’s being a naval birshus Hatorah.

    #1087250
    mazal77
    Participant

    Taking pictures of somebody without their permission is a form of Gezel. I remember learning about it, forgot the exact halachic details involved. Sam2 if someone takes a picture of someone, without their permission and sells it, I think that they can be sued. There are privacy and laws involved as well.

    Newbee, your sarcasm is not needed, thank you very much. It is a matter of respect. As a guest, if you are requested not to do certain things, it is only proper etiquette. I guess some people don’t know how to read. smh.

    #1087251
    ubiquitin
    Participant

    mazal77

    “As a guest, if you are requested not to do certain things, it is only proper etiquette.”

    I dont think anybody including newbee is arguing on that point. If asked by baalei simcha not to do something, people just shouldn tdo it, period. Gezel or not.

    I think newbee means, that there is no way to avoid it, about which of course he is right, unfortunately our simchas are big and frankly you cant expect 500 people to all be mentchen. Again I’m not saying it isn’t wrong.

    However, it isn’t Gezel.

    That said

    #1087252
    Sam2
    Participant

    mazal77: I cannot use a photograph of you for financial gain without your permission. I can take it, though.

    This gets to a much deeper issue, though. That being, what are the Halachic rights to privacy in the public sphere? And is a wedding a public sphere? I don’t have answers to these off the top of my head. Lich’ora, there is no right to privacy in public. That being said, Lashon Hara is always an issue. Of course, it’s hard to see what Lashon Hara there is in someone getting married. And if it’s considered not normal to not want people to know you got married (I said if, I have no idea if it is), I don’t think someone has a right to claim they feel uncomfortable by it. I don’t know what is considered normal by posting a wedding picture either.

    #1087253
    jewish source
    Participant

    You are right

    #1087254
    Mammele
    Participant

    Weddings are sort of public, but many have separate seating for most of the wedding. So publicizing couple pictures that anyone can see — including men, without a mechitza — is just plain wrong.

    And these sites publish Vort photos as wall, which have smaller crowds and are often held at home. That’s definitely a more private affair.

    #1087255
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Sam, when I refer to loshon hora, I mean publicizing pictures in which the chosson/kallah do not appear in a tziusdik’e manner.

    I’m not sure if you were referring to my comment, but either way, figured I’d clarify.

    #1087256
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Newbee, what do you mean with your comment?

    Surely you don’t mean that now that it’s widespread, it’s okay – that doesn’t make sense. If halachic dinners became the norm, would that make them okay? 😉

    If you mean that the chosson/kallah shouldn’t pose in a way they’d be uncomfortable being posted online, then yes, but they shouldn’t be doing that anyway.

    If you mean that they shouldn’t put effort into controlling the release of pictures online, I still disagree. I know people who did that successfully, although, perhaps that’s easier in my circles, where online pictures of simchas aren’t really the norm.

    #1087257
    zahavasdad
    Participant

    I was once at an event and I was photographed with my voice and it was put into a for-profit movie, I complained to a lawyer because I signed no released and got no compensation and I was told tough, I do not own the rights to my own image and voice

    #1087258
    midwesterner
    Participant

    Rav Yitzchok Zilberstein discusses almost exactly this shayla in his newest sefer, Chashukei Chemed-Nedarim. The shayla presented was a little different. A wedding photographer put up a pic of a chosson whose wedding he had photographed in his shop as an example of his work. The chosson felt embarrassed and wanted the pic taken down.

    Much of what is discussed is ownership of pix at events like weddings. Of course the photographer may have a stronger contractual baalus on pix than a random dude with a smartphone. RYZ does discuss in general terms as well, not just the professional.

    #1087259
    Sam2
    Participant

    DY: While I’ll agree with that, why are they in any untznius picture in the first place? If it’s not okay to be photographed, it’s not okay to be seen.

    #1087260
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    I totally agree.

    #1087261
    newbee
    Member

    “If halachic dinners became the norm, would that make them okay? ;)”

    Haha, oy back to that again.

    I was simply saying that its going to be very hard/impossible to enforce. The biggest current issue of this age in my opinion is damaging others through social media. People have ended their own lives because of this.

    However, I dont think the couple has the halachic or moral right to demand that guests dont take photos of other guests at the wedding. There is a grey area in secular law regarding who owns wedding photos when it comes to professionals, but at least in secular law a non-professional guest at a wedding would certainly own the photo he took and can share it since there is no right-to-privacy at a wedding. But its certainly wrong to share it if the couple requests not to.

    #1087262
    ubiquitin
    Participant

    “I dont think the couple has the halachic or moral right to demand that guests dont take photos of other guests at the wedding”

    They probably don’t have the halachic right, but I do think they have a moral right. (see what I did there). And i am almost certain it isnt gezeilah or geneiva

    I think it is weird to make a big deal out of this, but hey if they don’t want it just dont do it. period

    #1087263
    apushatayid
    Participant

    I wonder if the halachos of “hezek ri’ya” can somehow be applied to unauthorized photos being taken of people and then uploaded to the internet. I guess we need the choshen mishpat experts to weight on.

    #1087264
    Mammele
    Participant

    Sam: I believe there’s a difference in Tznius for a woman to be seen at one’s own event, mainly invited guests for a limited time versus posting a photo online for a much broader audience for posterity. That’s where “Hinei Be’Ohel” comes into play.

    Also, at an event one can’t “ogle” without looking weird and the subject is likely “a moving target” whereas online people can stare for as long as they wish without any oversight.

    It’s unfortunately also possible to edit photos or add critical comments and forward it. Hopefully not the norm but still a possibility and reason one might not want her photo out there.

    And it can be argued by say someone of the Ger Chasidus that because of Tznius couples shouldn’t be seen together at all, which would preclude their own wedding, but perhaps not in photos afterwards.

    #1087265
    zahavasdad
    Participant

    There is no way to prevent unauthorized photos taken of people put on the interet.

    What is someone is at the Kotel and takes a picture of themselves and there are people in backround. ANd what if the people in the backround are doing something untzniut. It is not the photographer concern or responsibility

    #1087266
    apushatayid
    Participant

    What is the thrill for someone to take a picture of a simcha and post it online especially when asked by the baalei simcha not to? what does one gain from it except for some warped sense of empowerment? what thrill does one get from seeing person a eating kugel at a simcha whether that picture is online or the centerfold of the yated.

    #1087267
    Mammele
    Participant

    APY: they might get rewarded financially, besides for feeling like a “professional photographer” without going through the training…

    #1087268
    apushatayid
    Participant

    “what if the people in the backround are doing something untzniut.”

    One could ask, why the photographer is in attendance at such a place. but I wont.

    #1087269
    zahavasdad
    Participant

    APY

    I said at the Kotel,

    But even what about a Park and you are just taking pictures of your kids at the park, Sometimes untzniut things go on at a park

    #1087270
    Mammele
    Participant

    ZD: photos of your kids or someone else’s?

    #1087272
    zahavasdad
    Participant

    Someone else, not your immediate family member, Could be adults and not kids

    They are in the backround.

    Go to Central park or Prospect park for example lots of people go there.

    #1087273
    nishtdayngesheft
    Participant

    It would seem common sense not to post pictures on line that had nontzniyus stuff in the background. Just like you wouldn’t post something that was otherwise stomach churning.

    #1087274
    apushatayid
    Participant

    “Go to Central park or Prospect park for example lots of people go there.”

    It is precisely because of this, that I don’t go to these places. Or take my sons.

    #1087275
    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    I do a fair amount of photography in public, including city parks and other similar venues. My shots tend to be more nature/landscape shots, so, for me, unless the person in the pic is particularly compelling for some reason, I’d prefer they not be there anyway (and will wait until they leave to take the pic).

    However, that does not stop me from photographing people if I can’t avoid it. If I’m in Times Square (which is where I work) and I’m shooting, there is simply no way to avoid people… and so I don’t even bother. If you’re in my shot there, well… tough luck. If you’re in a public place, you have no expectation of privacy and, you’re fair game (although there are commercial restrictions on the usage of such photos).

    As for the OP, I’m of two minds. I believe that, if the host of an event specifically asks for no photos, it’s a bit tactless and tacky to then go ahead and take photos and post them publicly. I think the OP went overboard to call it “100% gezel” since, as others have pointed out, nothing is being stolen. It’s tactless and insensitive, but that’s about it.

    On the other hand, there are certain social norms and expectations that hosts and guests should adhere to. For example, you would not go to a wedding dressed in a bumblebee costume, since that’s outside the social norms. Likewise, the bride and groom can request that guests show up in bumblebee costumes, but the guests, I feel, would be free to disobey since such a request is, also, outside the social norms of the time/place.

    In our days of ubiquitous camera phones and social media, I have to wonder if guests taking pictures is something that has become such a normal thing to do that a host requesting otherwise would fall out of the social norms. You wouldn’t think of inviting guests and asking them to eat only using their left hands or only drinking water (even if other things are served), right?

    So, I’m torn between the two. I see both sides.

    Interestingly, I photograph a carnival given for special needs children every year (although I didn’t do it this past year because I am in mourning). I simply go around and photograph the kids and adults having a good time at the event. Most people are fine with having their kids photographed at this event, but every now and again, I’ll come up against one who asks me not to do so.

    Truthfully, I’m probably not under any actual obligation to accommodate them. Even though it’s a private event, it’s still public (in the sense that the people there have no reasonable expectation of privacy) and I am invited by the organizers to document the event. Nonetheless, I try to accommodate such requests within reason. In other words, I won’t take a shot of their kid alone or in a small group, but I’m not going to skip a crowd shot just because the kid is in it.

    The Wolf

    #1087276
    flatbusher
    Participant

    Whose psak is that it is 100% pure genaivah? In this day and age, I think people have to have the expectation that pictures taken can end up anywhere, and I don’t know how you can control it other than relying on the integrity of the picture taker to honor your wishes. If people are properly dressed, what exactly the tznius issue involved?

    #1087277
    apushatayid
    Participant

    People can have all sorts of expectations. The torahs is “mah tovu Ohalecha Yackov”. Posting ones entire life online smacks of the opposite. Posting other people online is just worse. Just my opinion. so, if you invite me to your simcha, you can be sure you wont find photos of yourself, or any of your invited guests, online.

    #1087278
    zahavasdad
    Participant

    there is nothing wrong with posting simcha pictures online it isnt rude or smacks of haughtiness. People like to see simcha pictures

    However that being said I do have certain relatives that I dont think would appreciate it so I wont post those people photos. I know who they are and they dont have to ask me not to do it. I just wont and wont let anyone else in my immediate family do it either with those people

    #1087279
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Wolf (and others), there’s a big distinction to be made between someone showing up in the background of a picture, and a picture where the subject in question is the focus of the picture, especially when named in the caption.

    Flatbusher: improper/inappropriate interaction between chosson and kallah.

    #1087280
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Zahavasdad, we can debate whether there’s a lack of tznius involved, but you’ve got the main point correctly, which is respecting the wishes (even if unspoken) of the ba’alei simchah.

    #1087281
    zahavasdad
    Participant

    Whatever you might think of me personally, I am well aware not everyone thinks the same way I do and when I am with those people I try to respect their wishes even if I strongly disgree with them

    #1087282
    Sam2
    Participant

    Mammele: No offense, but if people are ogling women online they’re not doing it by looking at wedding pictures.

    #1087283
    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    Wolf (and others), there’s a big distinction to be made between someone showing up in the background of a picture, and a picture where the subject in question is the focus of the picture, especially when named in the caption.

    I agree, there is a distinction and, I believe, in my post, I covered both sides of that distinction (shooting in public in a place like Times Square vs. the children’s carnival I cover).

    The Wolf

    #1087284
    mobico
    Participant

    Two more points I wanted to make.

    One is that Hezek Re’iyah has nothing to do with this. As opposed to the common misunderstanding of the term, it is a Machlokes Rishonim and refers either to Ayin Hara, or to someone feeling uncomfortable and self conscious since he is being watched. Well, on second thought, perhaps there is some connection. But only to Ayin Hara, possibly – the second approach is only b’Shaas Maiseh.

    Also, the lack of Tznius is applicable whether or not the Chosson and Kallah are behaving inappropriately. As others have noted, that which they are at the event of their own wedding, in the presence of their guests, is entirely appropriate, and if there are those in attendance who abuse their Shemiras Einayim then it is not (necessarily) the fault of the Chosson and Kallah. Whereas posting a picture for any and all to see – including those who have no connection to the Simchah – is inviting the voyeur in many. Especially considering that there does not seem to be any compelling reason to do so.

    #1087285
    apushatayid
    Participant

    Mobico. So, if I followed you around all day and generally creeped you out, thats not good. But if I discreetly (ok, even not discreetly, but against your wishes) took photos of you and posted them online for all to see, you could care less? why?

    Admittedly, I have know nothing about Hezek Re’iyah, but where do you get the idea that it is related to “self concious”? Why do you believe that nobody is not self concious about their photos posted online for all the world to see?

    #1087286
    oyyoyyoy
    Participant

    Flatbusher- In this day and age, I think people have to have the expectation that pictures taken can end up anywhere, and I don’t know how you can control it other than relying on the integrity of the picture taker to honor your wishes.

    I think in a frum setting people really don’t have to expect this. Maybe on the street i agree but by a frum simcha i disagree. And if you’ll say “but there are people that’ll do it”

    Wolf- In our days of ubiquitous camera phones and social media, I have to wonder if guests taking pictures is something that has become such a normal thing to do that a host requesting otherwise would fall out of the social norms.

    I dont know the rules of what makes something normal. Point is, there are so many simchas that ive been to that arent smartphone simchas, where most people in attendance are holding on to their values. As for the handful of people that do have smartphones there, they have the decency not to publicize pics. So what is the norm?

    (BTW What happens if by half of orthodox jews this isn’t the common practice, do i go by where i am or what the general populace does?)

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