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What is polite? What bothers you in the impolite/polite department?
Are YOU a polite person? Have you had incidents where YOU stood up to impolite people? How many more times can I write the word before somebody screams and punches their computer screen?
It bothers me when people are impolite.
😛
-If you think about it, that was extremely impolite. Sticking your tongue out in public is a cardinal offense. AKA impolite.
I always make sure my younger siblings ask for things politely. If they say something like “I need ketchup” I’ll answer “Oh. That’s so interesting to hear.” until they repeat it properly as “Please can you pass me the ketchup?” I also get very nervous when people touch their food while eating. Forks and knives were invented for a reason!
it bothers me when someone is telling over a story etc, and someone else interrupts, be it with her own related story or a comment about something going on around them, and then the conversation is redirected and the first never gets to finish what s/he had begun
shnitzy- of course it’s been done to me plenty, and i’ve seen it done to others. I try redirecting the convo back for others, but when its moved on to another topic, it doesnt always work.
I usually hand them a fork/knife and pretend they thought they never got one… SaysMe- there’s someone I know who tries to own every conversation. We try to hear her out because she gets insulted when given the treatment she gives others.
gamanit- yes there are those type :P. But its become a habit, and people often don’t really realize what they are doing. I had a conversation about this with a group of girls once and was surprised how many didn’t notice themselves doing it.
I absolutely hate poor tale manners.
Napkins belong on your lap, or on your chair if you get up. They do not belong on the table, especially after you have used them to wipe your mouth or nose.
And I get really grossed out by people who scrape the dishes at the table so that there is a stack of plates with a sizable pile of chicken bones on top. The only difference between the chicken bones on the plate and those in the garbage can is location. Garbage does not belong on the table.
And serving pieces are provided so that you don’t have to use your own fork or your hands to take food off a platter or out of a bowl.
This one is slightly off topic since it’s not a politeness thing, but it does frequently happen at the table. I want to scream every time somebody says, “This ____ is yum.” “Yum” is an interjection. To use it properly, take some food, swallow it, then say, “Yum.” That’s it. Otherwise, if you really want an adjective, the word you are looking for is “yummy.” It is correct to say, “This ______ is yummy.”
When you’re in the middle of telling a story, and someone interrupts you, it’s poor tale manners. (Haifa – time for a new keyboard 🙂 ).
It bothers me when people criticize others in public for private, past, or one-time offenses. Say it bothers you when it happens, then forgive them, then don’t bring it up later.
It is different when there is an ongoing situation, which there isn’t now.
I like it when people say please or thank you.
haifagirl
Why is it not gross when you have chicken bones on your plate or on someone else’s but it is suddenly gross when its in a pile on top of some plates?
You do realize that there are so many different things that can technically “gross” out different people and the best way to live is to be a mevater (Jewish word) and not be so particular about things. It will open up vistas of joy for you.
I dont like quoting movies but one of the best movie lines of all time is “hakuna matata” from the Lion King. It really solves a lot of life’s problems if you get into that mode of thinking.
I get irked when people tell children that they must use please. In America, we don’t say please when we ask someone to pass us something. We say “Could you pass the overnight kugel,” “Can I bother you for more kishka.” But children we insist on them saying, “Can I please have more cholent.”
Shnitzy, I hope you meant your criticism in good humor, as I did. It’s not her fault, her keyboard is broken.
funnybone: Well, you should say please. It makes a kiddush Hashem.
WIY, do you mean, fir example, if someone changes a diaper when you’re in the room?
funnybone- I’m not just being a hypocrite when I’m telling them to use please and thank you. I generally use it myself when talking to them e.g;- “Can you please take your feet off my lap? It’s driving me insane!”
dy- 😀
funnybone- yes, some adults forget to use their manners, or have mastered other forms of requests that work in place of please. But when you are teaching a child a new concept, its different is it not? I dont think purple will be letting her kids ignore spelling because she likes text talk, nor that its hypocritical to. (no offense meant in the slightest purple! Keep up ur stuf! Thx 4 bein a gr8 ex 🙂 )
. . . we don’t say please when we ask someone to pass us something.
Speak for yourself. I usually say “please” when I ask someone to pass me something.
can i say, haifa, plaese stop driving me nuts, and then youll listen? awesome.
shnitzy and Daas Yochid
I like to write and occasionally get an urge to spice up my sentences with some flair.
There are few things that gross me out, but those things are truly gross and accepted by most normal people as gross and insensitive, like someone sitting across from you and picking their nose, or someone changing a dirty diaper by a meal, or even someone burping loudly especially by a meal.
WIY, you should still be mevater. It will open up 7 windows of joy for you.
(I’m teasing, but you do write nicely.)
I think people who do not give up a seat to an elderly person or pregnant woman, are impolite. I think that people who criticize others in a public forum, without thought as to the potential onaas devarim, are impolite. I think that anyone who does something AVOIDABLE that causes discomfort or upset to someone else, is impolite, as well as thoughtless, and inconsiderate. I especially think it is impolite to refuse to own up to one’s offense and say “sorry” and mean it, when one becomes apprised of having been impolite. Yes, we should try to be mevater, but sometimes we should NOT. Please try to be more polite. Thank you.
I believe that there are two ways of stating a request politely; one way is please, the other way is stating it as a question. Please pass the salt is option 1. Can you pass the salt? is option 2. Keep your ears open and you’ll see that most people use option 2.
young children dont yet have control over those pragmatics of understanding that ”can you…” is a request and a polite one. ‘Please’ is understood first.
I usually use option 3 and say, “Could you please pass the . . . ?”
Why is it not gross when you have chicken bones on your plate or on someone else’s but it is suddenly gross when its in a pile on top of some plates?
It’s not so much that the big pile of bones is gross, though it is. Remember, those bones are garbage. As such, it should be removed from the table without further ado. The thought of people’s playing with garbage at the table is what grosses me out.
Excuse me, but have you any Grey Poupon?
If you’re missing a letter on your keyboard, for example “b”, just copy a b from the screen and paste wherever you need.
Copy (control-c) this: b or this: B
Then paste: bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb
(Reading that last part out loud at the dinner table is also bad manners.)
haifagirl: Who said people are “playing with” it?
“Playing with” was a bad choice of words. I apologize. I’ll rephrase that.
The thought of people’s rearranging garbage at the table is what grosses me out.
Toi: can i say, haifa, plaese stop driving me nuts, and then youll listen? awesome.
Let me help you increase the chances: Can I say, “Haifa, please stop driving me nuts”, and then you’ll listen? Awesome.
Haifagirl, I enjoy your vigilance, your corrections, and your grammatical analyses. It came as no surprise to me that you are also attached to proper table manners, and all sorts of manners. But alas, I must object to one of your pet peeves!
You want to “scream” when someone says “this is yum”? Please. I’m not the first (or thousandth) person to say this, so excuse the familiar phrase, but don’t sweat the small stuff. When someone says “this is yum,” or even “this is so yum,” don’t waste your energy on suppressing a scream. Be happy that you can sit and share a meal that at least one person at the table finds delicious. Taking our blessings for granted and not appreciating our loved ones and dinner/work/life companions is where a lot of impoliteness starts, n’est-ce pas?
I’m with oomis. I get extremely annoyed when children don’t stand up for older people.
For example, when I am at a kiddush and a parent is sitting at one of the (few!) tables with his/her 4 young children next to him/her, and there are MANY adults without seats (yes, older men/women and pregnant women), it makes me so sad. What kind of parents are you?? I (and my siblings) were never, ever, EVER was allowed sit at a kiddush or in shul unless EVERY single man/woman in the room had a seat or did not want to sit. And neither were we allowed to be of the ‘first’ to grab food. Children don’t take before adults. Children don’t sit before adults.
And before you all scream out that ‘this is what makes children go off the derech’ etc. let me tell you that we did NOT resent it. It taught us how to respect people older then us. Until this day, I will stand the entire davening if there is someone older than me without a seat.
For example, when I am at a kiddush and a parent is sitting at one of the (few!) tables with his/her 4 young children next to him/her, and there are MANY adults without seats (yes, older men/women and pregnant women), it makes me so sad. What kind of parents are you?? I (and my siblings) were never, ever, EVER was allowed sit at a kiddush or in shul unless EVERY single man/woman in the room had a seat or did not want to sit.
I wholeheartedly disagree with this. Kids are people too, and like food, and like going to a kiddush, just as adults do. The adults are responsible for making sure that the kids have access to the kiddush in a fair way, and that includes having seats. If there are not enough seats, that is the adults’ fault, and I think the adults should stand up to give the kids seats.
I get outraged when I see adults telling kids they don’t deserve to sit at the kiddush.
I don’t agree 100% with dotnetter. I remember being five years old and walking for a half an hour to a kiddush. By the time we got there I was exhausted. I sat down and was yelled at to get up and give my seat to someone older. I did get up and my feet continued to hurt the entire time- I didn’t end up getting a seat at all. Now by simchas I always give little kids some time to sit. Their feet are smaller and the walk is harder on them.
Gamanit, Popa, I agree.
And that is why my kids sit on my lap at kiddeishim, and get my seat when I am done. Yes, it may be less enjoyable for me, but you’re right, my kids are people to and deserve to eat and to sit. But not to take a seat before an adult.
The chinnuch of my children is worth a little bit of discomfort.
” his/her 4 young children next to him/her,” Wow do you have big laps… I don’t have room for more than two at a time
I’ve got one on each foot, one on my shoulders, and one on my head. Come to a kiddush with me and I’ll teach you how to do it too.
All kidding aside, I dont bring 4 children with me. If I did, that would be a wonderful chance to teach about sharing, taking turns, being mevater – letting a different sibling eat before you etc.
You want to “scream” when someone says “this is yum”? Please.
Have you ever been to a concert or a recital when one of the musicians hits a wrong note? It’s quite jarring.
When I hear someone say something incorrectly, it feels the same way. It’s like fingernails on a chalkboard to me. (So is someone’s saying, “Lay down.”)
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