January 6, 2013 4:41 am at 4:41 am #607705
Is it okay to date someone, in the early stages of your dating career, even though you know off-the-bat that you won’t be marrying that person?
Is it ever okay, for any reason, to date someone if you know there is little or no likelihood of marriage?January 6, 2013 6:13 am at 6:13 am #918026
Hey, would you want anyone to do that to you??
I assume that your answer would be NO!!
So why do it to anyone else???January 6, 2013 6:56 am at 6:56 am #918027
frummy in the tummyParticipant
Too many factors in that question, but bottom line I think it depends on what the other person’s expectations are. (Yes, I believe it can be okay, but not always.)January 6, 2013 8:46 am at 8:46 am #918028
Dating is for the purpose of getting married, not figuring out what you want when you get married (although people do refine their goals/ideas during the process, but not start the process altogether) or figuring out how to talk to girls or what not. Decide what kind of person you are, what kind of person you are looking to marry and go look for that person, but do not subject another girl the false hope that you might be the one she will marry since you have no such intentions.January 6, 2013 10:03 am at 10:03 am #918029
Why would you do it? Are you bored? Looking for a free meal?
Find a girlfriend to have fun with, it’s more ethical.January 6, 2013 12:13 pm at 12:13 pm #918030
You never know 100% off the bat you are not marrying that person, who knows you might get to know the person and like them
And BTW the reverse holds true, you might think a certain person is perfect for you and cant wait to go out with them and find out they are NOT for youJanuary 6, 2013 1:50 pm at 1:50 pm #918031
It is a complete halachic violation of every precept of tznius. And that is true even if both dating parties agreed to practice date beforehand and both knew there is no prospect for marriage. This is even putting aside the false representation and lying to the dating partner if he/she is unaware that he/she is merely being used as a guinea pig.January 6, 2013 2:36 pm at 2:36 pm #918032
interestingly enough, a pretty prominent and well known rabbi told me i could “practice date” and not only that i could but that i should! perhaps everyone and every situation is different. maybe for girls its different. esp if were having difficulty getting dates to begin with. (it didnt help much cuz i still had little practice dates that came along….) i was only about 21 at the time and i BH have no handicaps or disabilities so i dont know why he suggested it. maybe cuz i was an out of towner living in ny or maybe he didnt want me to become depressed or start to despair. as i got older shadchanim actually did push me dating people i knew i didnt wanna marry. so it was bital zman from the start. they knew it, i knew it, and they still said try it whats one date going to hurt. i think it really all depends on your situation. good luck.January 6, 2013 3:11 pm at 3:11 pm #918034
As long as there is a slim chance it could work I think there’s nothing wrong but if its like a real no way then I don’t see how you can waste a girls time and allow her to get her hopes up for nothing.January 6, 2013 10:21 pm at 10:21 pm #918035
I think it’s a horrible thing to do. Get your experience with your mother or sister or therapist. There are even professional coaches.
OTOH, you should go out with people who may not be 100% perfect on paper, barring major red flags. But not as target practice.
Frum girls are very serious about getting married, and I think doing this would be a big-time Onaas Devarim.January 8, 2013 5:25 am at 5:25 am #918037
My cousin did it…….. date just to get some experience and prepare for the real one.. she dated a doctor when she really wanted Kollel/Chinuch….. no way it would go, right?…. and she has been married to that Doctor for 20 years and has 11 heiliger children!
Daters beware!January 8, 2013 1:50 pm at 1:50 pm #918038
LolJanuary 9, 2013 2:28 am at 2:28 am #918039
That is an awful thing to do. Leading someone on is a terrible avera that you need to ask mechila for.January 9, 2013 3:50 am at 3:50 am #918040
well hey there mr “kovodhabrios” look at ur username b4 askin such q’s!!!! if u want to know if its MUTTAR LEHALACHA? well that prob not, but i cant say forsure… but if ur askin STAM, thenwell mayb start thinkin kovod Habrios….. or else its a mutual thing between the boy and the girl, that’l be a whole diff story. 🙂January 9, 2013 5:44 am at 5:44 am #918041
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