Professional Shadchanim vs. Personal Shadchanim
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- This topic has 9 replies, 9 voices, and was last updated 12 years, 5 months ago by mom of a few.
January 3, 2011 9:31 pm at 9:31 pm #593920so rightMember
The Meforshim in the Seforim HaKedoshim have unkind words towards Professional Shadchanim. They push people into going out, or even marrying, against the person’s best interest so they can make a buck.
The vast majority of shidduchim are made by Personal Shadchanim (family, friends, acquaintances, etc.) Is there any reason we still tolerate “the professionals”? It’s our lives, not theirs.January 3, 2011 9:42 pm at 9:42 pm #724012aries2756Participant
One never knows who their sheliach will be. Everyone has the choice to do what they feel is right for them. Those that are professionals would not be in business if they were not successful and did not have a good track record. So if you choose to go to a professional make sure you do the research necessary to know that they are a good fit for you and their clients are compatible with the type of match you are looking for.
Of course, you should always listen to whatever shidduch comes your way no matter who brings it to you because you never know who Hashem will choose as your sheliach.January 3, 2011 9:49 pm at 9:49 pm #724013GetzelParticipant
Yes the reason is because we need to marry off our kids, if you cannot hold your ground and be forced by a shadchan you need help!
Thank you all the professional shadchanim out there please keep up your good hard work [even if means getting parents to realize that they are looking for the unsuitable and not Tzugepa$t $hiduchim]January 3, 2011 9:52 pm at 9:52 pm #7240141dayatimeParticipant
Dating, Dating, Dating, I pray that Hashem accepts all the hardships we go through in dating as a Kapparah.January 3, 2011 9:59 pm at 9:59 pm #724015bptParticipant
We are still a few months away from the parsha, but if given the choice between following up on a lead from a pro, or one from someone who knows at least one of the sides personaly, the personal one will get our attention first.
Reason? The shadchad who has a personal stake in the match really wants it to work out, and the shadchanus is a nice bonus.
The pro? Well, lets not discuss the pro’s motiveJanuary 3, 2011 10:40 pm at 10:40 pm #724016apushatayidParticipant
Just curious. Just who are those meforshim? On which seforim hakedoshim did those meforshim make those comments?January 4, 2011 12:33 am at 12:33 am #724017JoseMember
I don’t know who these meforshim are unless he is referring to commenters on blogs.
There is halachah pesukah about paying shadcahanim. Apparently, there is nothing wrong with a progessional shadchan.
I do not for a moment believe there are meforshim who talk about “forcing people to go out”. What a transparent load of bunk.
Professionals do a job that others are not willing to do or are not competent at. And no one forces you to use a professional shadchan, you don’t like, don’t use.
Do not make your own shortcomings a universal issue.January 4, 2011 1:34 am at 1:34 am #724018OfcourseMember
Does anyone really think that the rate of divorce is higher among Shidduchim suggested by professionals? Do more serious problems arise in marriages arranged by professionals? Are people more likely to stay married, when problems arise, because the Shidduch was red by a friend or relative? I dont think so…. I dont think there’s any connection.January 4, 2011 2:25 am at 2:25 am #724019so rightMember
There are Seforim that strongly criticize professional shadchanim (in general) for being manipulative and untruthful. I don’t have the citations from the meforshim at my fingertips and the moment, but the criticism is very real (and accurate).
The OP just indicated they bring unkind words. The specific criticisms I cited were my own examples. The same Seforim do say you must pay a shadchan for a successful shidduch. One does not contradict the other.January 4, 2011 2:54 am at 2:54 am #724020mom of a fewMember
Some people’s circle of friends is so small that they need a professional to put them out there and to give them some exposure to more people. I also disagree that they are too pushy, in reality sometimes because they are so busy with so much going on that they don’t have as much invested as a friend does and don’t push enough.
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