Pushover=Tzadeikes?

It depends if they are a pushover, and really resent it, or if they are actually internalizing the inconvenience and are want to do it anyway.

It doesn’t make it ok for the one taking advantage. However it does make a difference to the one on the receiving end. This is true about many inyanim of good middos. For example, it is a aveira d’oraisa to take revenge or bear a grudge. So if someone wrongs you, and you forgive them according to Halacha, that doesn’t mean that what they did was ok. It’s just that we believe Hashem can give everyone what is coming to them — it is not our job to do the accounting.

So I’ll agree with popa — is this person really a pushover, and doing all these things because they can’t stand up for themselves, or is this someone who is strong enough to rise about the pettiness of others and do the right thing anyway? Chazal actually praise in very strong terms “those who are insulted, and don’t insult back, who hear their shame and don’t respond”

Lehavdil one of my favorite quotes from Frances Hodgson Burnett is

“There’s nothing so strong as rage — except for what makes you hold it in.” There is a difference between being a pushover and being someone with strength of character. But in either case it has nothing to do with making the doers actions any more correct.

They are pushovers.

Someone who is a Tzaddik follows Halacha, slaughters Amaleki babies when the time comes, and doesn’t use “niceness” as an excuse to not do what they should be doing. He does things because Hashem told him/her to do it, not because of some internal “touchy feely” reason.

Popa- I beg to defer. Because you resent it doesn,t mean you shouldn’t do it, it means you need to work on yourself. What’s if you resent giving maaser from your hard earned money. Are you patur?

“If you are ignoring your own needs, you are a pushover.”

You don’t have to ignore your needs- you need to redefine your priorities. You need to help another Jew because H-shem wants you to regardless of whether they shower you with gratitude or not.

i agree with pba. chessed that comes out of the desire to give and an overabundance of love is chessed.

when it is given from a place where person now is strained and/or resentful, i don’t believe it’s chessed. (or at least not highest form) though, i don’t know how ???? ???? ?? ???? would apply here.

often, people do chessed to others on the cheshbon of their family or their own needs.

a true tzaddik is like avraham avinu who was pained when he had no guests or like rav aryeh levine who couldn’t say “no” to anyone because he truly loved everyone, and giving gave him the greatest pleasure.

Also, the reason it says “imo” is to teach you that if the recipient sits back and says that since it’s your mitzvah, do it yourself(an advantage taker), than you do not have to do it. However, it does not say that if he is an ingrate you are absolved from your obligation. There is likely a legitimate reason why he is sonachuh, he may not be Mr. Manners and yet you are commanded to lend a hand.

a true tzaddik is like avraham avinu who was pained when he had no guests or like rav aryeh levine who couldn’t say “no” to anyone because he truly loved everyone, and giving gave him the greatest pleasure.

Absolutely not.

A true Tzaddik was Avraham Avinu who had to Darshin that he was allowed to go greet the guests in the presence of the Shechina. If he would had Paskined he could not go, he would not have gone, no matter how much it would have “pained” him.

That is a Tzaddik.

Someone who can’t say no, and therefore ignores family and Achrayus, is an Avaryan who gives into their Ta’avos. He is no different than someone who eats a cheeseburger gives into their natural ta’avos.

(Not to say CV that is the case with Tzaddikim, but everything has a cheshbon with a Tzaddik towards Avodas Hashem).

i just heard on a tape, that if one is not sure if they’re doing something for the right reason or for the wrong reason, they should do it anyways, but try to work on themselves for doing it for the right reason. it is the yetzer horah which tells them not to do so.

but, i’ve also seen something else happen. sometimes people try to do chessed for someone else, but it’s really too much for them: meaning, chessed that only they can do for their own family (like supper or laundry) is not done or mother is overly stressed cuz took on added thing which really did not have time for, so starts yelling.

however, if case is when person could really do the chessed but just don’t want to be a pushover, can choose to do it anyways. if they think it’s creating an unhealthy environment for themselves and are really furious about doing it, my own opinion is that maybe they shouldn’t or maybe they can find another more healthy way of helping the other person.

there are many disorders that are caused by the mind/body relationship and repressed rage because trying to do good even when don’t really want to is often the cause.

If someone is always saying yes to be a tzadeikes yet inside it bothers them then it wont last too long and eventually it wil hurt them..however if someone says yes to helping someone(although they are taken adv of that 1 time..but not constantly) and they feel happy to be able to help that person than its okay to be nice and help out as long as it gives you satisfaction rather than resentment.

When you feel the person is not giving you too much choice that’s called taking advantage.

But when you chose to help them by yourself you are a tzadeikas.

Adorable, that was so nice of you! Thank you! I’m starting to get a better idea of where to draw the line. I’m thinking the following: When helping someone else, if it’s something that truly doesn’t bother me, and I actually enjoy it, there isn’t anything wrong with it. But if I am thinking “This is a waste of my time”, or will be upset about it, I should probably say no. What do you think of this approach?