March 23, 2019 11:43 pm at 11:43 pm #1699912
My siblings and I are planning my mother’s z”tzl unveiling, and have hit a huge brick wall when it comes to her family relationships. The easy ones are “beloved wife, mother, sister, grandmother…” then she was affectionately known by her great grands as Bubs.
Some want that on there, others don’t think it is appropriate for the matzeva.
Comments?March 24, 2019 1:29 pm at 1:29 pm #1700336
My father Z”L was never called by his given name. No one except a few very close relatives knew what it was. In fact on my parents’ wedding invitations after his given name there was a parentheses with his nickname inside.
Therefore, it was a no brainer that his foot stone (we have a family plot headstone) would have his nickname on it.March 24, 2019 3:07 pm at 3:07 pm #1700350
I don’t think it’s respectful! Even if they weren’t called by their real name. I believe there Are times for slang and there are times for formality. This is one of them.March 24, 2019 3:25 pm at 3:25 pm #1700386
Slang is a word such as ain’t. A nickname is NOT slang, it is an endearment. In this case as the OP wrote it is the English verbiage which would have the endearing name, not the proper Hebrew inscription.
My father’s stone have the correct Hebrew name, in English it has his given name then a parentheses containing A/K/A XXX…….the name everyone knew him as for more than 90 years.
In the OP’s case the great grandchildren will go and visit the grave for many decades to come and be comforted to see that ‘Bubs’ is buried there. They do not know her by any other name.March 24, 2019 5:37 pm at 5:37 pm #1700415
We were asked for our opinion , my opinion is , it is not respectful to the mes. You are entitled to have a different opinion .March 24, 2019 5:43 pm at 5:43 pm #1700423
In more heimish circles, full Hebrew name and formalities in front and endearments/nickname in rear.. so rear would read something like;
Our beloved bubs
Nina’leh HalbershtamMarch 24, 2019 6:44 pm at 6:44 pm #1700427
In “more heimishe circles” there’s no non-Hebrew on a matzeiva.March 24, 2019 10:52 pm at 10:52 pm #1700445
A mamin, so it’s respectful to use the name to their face while they’re alive, but not on a stone?March 24, 2019 10:52 pm at 10:52 pm #1700446
This endearment language comes across like the “minhag” of leaving flowers at the gravestone.March 24, 2019 10:52 pm at 10:52 pm #1700448
The OP mentioned a Matzeva or footstone. I referred to a footstone. There usually is not an engravable rear side of a footstone. In fact the footstones for my parents’ graves are flat in the groundMarch 24, 2019 10:52 pm at 10:52 pm #1700449
Our family cemetery in NYC is years old. Many of the stones have Yiddish in addition to Hebrew on them.
My Zaidy’s stone has Zev in Hebrew and Wulf in the Yiddish.March 24, 2019 11:34 pm at 11:34 pm #1700490
CTL: I should’ve been clearer in saying they don’t use non-Hebrew lettering on matzeivas. IOW, no English. Yiddish, obviously, uses the Hebrew alphabet. Although, other than names, I don’t recall ever seeing other Yiddish wording on matzeivas.March 24, 2019 11:35 pm at 11:35 pm #1700491
The name is generally “name ben/bas father”; iow, their formal name. The same they’d be called up to the Torah with.March 25, 2019 7:55 am at 7:55 am #1700615
Leaving flowers is generally a violation of the rules in most Jewish cemeteries. Carving a sentiment or endearing name is not against the rules.
I remember taking the shamash of our heimische shul in New Haven to make the rounds of local cemeteries one August when he was too old to drive. He pointed out the Matzeva of ‘The lady with the baby carriage’ There was an engraving of a baby carriage, and a story in Yiddish about this woman who pushed a baby carriage through the poor Jewish neighborhood each erev Shabbos for decades delivering free food for the poor. She had no husband or children and the Matzeva was paid for and erected by the shul Rav who decided on the engraving.March 25, 2019 9:43 am at 9:43 am #1700660
Only HebrewMarch 25, 2019 9:58 am at 9:58 am #1700695
Thank you all for the advice and comments. It is clear that there are many customs that people follow. Because it will be on a footstone and not on the large matzeva, it has less significance and is only stating her relationships with her family. I’ve come to terms with it for Shalom bayis.March 25, 2019 1:12 pm at 1:12 pm #1700800
Be very careful what you put there as sometimes a nickname is derogatory.
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