Question to those who used to be older singles

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  • #618541
    Person1
    Member

    This question is addressed to anyone who used to be an older single, and who are part of the Chareidi community and dated in the Chareidi style. Everyone else can share their opinion too (and they are probably going to do it anyway (: )

    Why do you feel it went well with the person you are married to now, as opposed to the many you’ve met before?

    Do you think they (your spouse) matched what you were looking for better than all the others?

    Or did you have chemistry with them that you hadn’t had with anyone previously?

    Or do you think you had changed in some way over time which made it possible for you to take the marriage step, even though you had met before other people who were possibly a good match for you?

    #1187348
    flatbusher
    Participant

    Simply put, things just clicked. I didn’t analyze it the way you are trying to do. I was 35 when I got married, and when I met my wife, we just shared things in common, has easy conversation and she had a beautiful smile (and still does). I didn’t ever have a checklist but I did want someone who was interesting to talk to and shared similar hashkafa views as well as secular views on things like money, etc. In the end, follow your heart if basics in hashkafa are in sync

    #1187349
    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    Person1, shkoyach! I knew I’d like your topics.

    #1187350
    writersoul
    Participant

    My parents got married at an “older” age (at the least, significantly older than they’d’ve wanted, which is the standard by which I judge these things these days). While neither of them have ever given me systematic answers to all of your questions, one interesting thing which my mom mentioned once is that there were several opportunities over the years for my parents to have met/been introduced, but because of different priorities which my mom had when she was younger, which mellowed naturally (not because she’d “settled” or “readjusted her expectations” due to shidduchim), had she gone out with my dad seven years earlier she would probably not have married him. The fact is, people’s priorities and characters do change naturally over time, and forcing them to artificially hold themselves to a set of arbitrary societal standards can be foolish. (That wasn’t the specific case with my parents, but I’ve still seen it in action among others.)

    #1187351
    zahavasdad
    Participant

    Please define “older”

    For some communties 19 is “Older”

    #1187352
    Person1
    Member

    flatbusher I’m very happy for you. In fact that’s exactly what I’m trying to do – to analyze it.

    LU that’s very nice of you to say. Thank you for bumping other interesting shiduch-related threads.

    Writersoul that’s very interesting. Could

    you explain what you meant by “and forcing them to artificially hold themselves to a set of arbitrary societal standards can be foolish”? I didn’t get that.

    zahavasdad what does it matter really? Define it anyway you want and answer accordingly.

    #1187353
    Shopping613 🌠
    Participant

    Person1 sounds like you are having trouble dealing with being an older single. Hatzlacha raba. I know it isn’t easy….

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