September 11, 2011 11:57 pm at 11:57 pm #599320sassonMember
Hypothetically speaking, let’s say you are a married staff member in a girls’ sleepaway camp. There is a girl who randomly spilled out her life story to you, and being the really nice person that you are, you sat and listened and helped. Would you find it annoying/bothersome/really weird to hear from this girl during the year?September 12, 2011 12:24 am at 12:24 am #809071HIEParticipant
Not at all. Once you did the listening, she sees you as a person she can trust and talk to.September 12, 2011 12:46 am at 12:46 am #809072workinonitMember
no way, i mean to be honest it depends on the grl.. if the grl is a rly good grl and cute then id love to hear from her as long as its healthy and not all intesne eveyr second. look, im assuming tht ur the grl tht ur talking about so go ahead and say hi to her but dont spill out all ur problems in the 1st convo she might find tht annoying.. just try to keep it normal and healthy and dont rely on her to listen to all ur problems.September 12, 2011 3:17 am at 3:17 am #809073sassonMember
HIE- sorry, i’m not getting the answer
workinonit-no way you’d think it’s weird, or no way you’d like to hear? sorry, i’m a littl confused… 🙂 and no, c”v i would never go spill all my probs out like that on s/o. i meant she told me to keep in touch, but i feel guilty, and idk if she really meant it or was just being nice, so decided to see what others think…September 12, 2011 3:44 am at 3:44 am #809074workinonitMember
i think u should catch up with her i think shed rly liek to hear from you but remmeber dont get carried away, its rly hard i know..September 12, 2011 3:45 am at 3:45 am #809075CR 1Member
you can give her a call see what happens. she did say keep in touchSeptember 12, 2011 4:52 am at 4:52 am #809076am yisrael chaiParticipant
It gives people meaning in their lives to help others, as long as there are healthy boundaries in place.
Your concerns and these boundaries should be discussed between the two of you so that you will both be gaining from continued contact.September 12, 2011 3:45 pm at 3:45 pm #809077Raphael KaufmanMember
The weirdness is not in the concept but in the degree. If you are in a position of trust with this girl, as you were as a councelor in camp, it is not unreasonable that she may have felt close enough to you to want to unburden herself to you. On the other hand persistent, unencouraged close familiarity can verge on stalking. That’s where it starts to get weird.September 12, 2011 4:19 pm at 4:19 pm #809078adorableParticipant
you can tell in the first minute what she really feels when you call her. i think you should try her or maybe just text her that you wanna say hi and see where she takes that.September 12, 2011 4:39 pm at 4:39 pm #809079oomisParticipant
It depends on how much and how she is contacting you. If you feel uncomfortable, because she is calling regularly to cry about her life, then you need to set a boundary, and suggest she talk to someone more knopwledgeable than yourself. If it’s just to wish you a good Yom tov or year, I don’t see the harm.September 12, 2011 5:24 pm at 5:24 pm #809080commonsenseParticipant
if she told you to call and gave you her number then i am sure she means it. Just make sure to ask her when you call if it is a good time to speak as she may be busy with her family when you call.September 13, 2011 5:25 pm at 5:25 pm #809081adorableParticipant
i was once that older girl who had a younger girl call me so I know what that other older girl might be thinking. I also gave her my number but prayed silently that she wouldnt use it. She did! and HOW! she calls me all the time and its a little annoying but I will tell you that the reason why its annoying is because she tells me all day how she thinks my advice is teh most amazing thing in the world and I sometimes feel like shes squashing me!September 13, 2011 5:57 pm at 5:57 pm #809082kapustaParticipant
i was once that older girl who had a younger girl call me so I know what that other older girl might be thinking. I also gave her my number but prayed silently that she wouldnt use it. She did! and HOW! she calls me all the time and its a little annoying but I will tell you that the reason why its annoying is because she tells me all day how she thinks my advice is teh most amazing thing in the world and I sometimes feel like shes squashing me!
It doesn’t have to be an older/younger relationship for that to happen. (See the relationship advice thread)
OP: I guess you’re the girl, not the counselor? As other people mentioned, I think its fine as long as no one goes overboard. It doesn’t always have to be heavy stuff, you can also call to keep in touch, before Rosh Hashana etc.
Good luck!September 13, 2011 6:01 pm at 6:01 pm #809083ha ha ha haMember
just use your brains and put yourself on the otherside of the fence and imagine what she would want!!September 13, 2011 7:47 pm at 7:47 pm #809084aries2756Participant
If you are the young lady in question needing some support, there is no reason why you can’t call her but please do ask if she minds that you call her. When is the best time for her to take such phone calls, and if at any time you are getting annoying she should let you know. You should also realize that just because she was involved in the camp and might be smart, if you have real issues she might have to refer you to other people and you should NOT be insulted if she makes that suggestion. There is only so much one person can do if they don’t have the knowledge and experience to guide you in certain situation.s
On the other hand, if you are that married woman, lets flip that and let the young girl know that you appreciate her feeling your support and set a time frame when she can call you. Put that in your appointment book or schedule so you can give her a bit of your time. Let her know before hand that you will try to give her whatever support you are capable of, but you might have to refer her to others and she shouldn’t be insulted in any way if that happens, because you would be trying to help her build a support system that will help her with her issues rather than just vent about them.
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