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Someone started a thread on wedding gift ideas for under $50. My question is how do you reciprocate to people who came to your simchos but did not give any presents. I am talking about people who can afford to give; they just make it a practice not to give any presents. I have a few simchos coming up where my children did not receive any presents from any of these families. Do we just go and give nothing? Do we give a smaller amount than usual (but look cheap) or buy a gift for about 50? I am sure we are not the only ones who this has happened to. I am just curious what people do in these circumstances.
Anyone who does NOT give a gift does NOT expect a gift in return.
They did not give you a gift because they don’t give gifts, as per their usual practice. Go thou and do likewise (and no, it’s not nekama – it really makes people feel very uncomfortable when you do something for them that they don’t do themselves). Clearly they do not expect any gifts, so don’t give any.
Is it considered inappropriate to not give a gift at a wedding you attend the meal?
I think that 2 wrongs don’t make a right. Even if people did not give you/your children a gift and came to your simcha, I still think that if you are going to their simcha you should send a gift. It simply shows that you have “class” and manners. It is so costly to have anything these days, that I always try to give a gift in the range of what I think it is costing them to have me there – although these days some functions are so fancy that there is no possible way that I could afford a gift so costly. Another idea, if you don’t wish to give a gift, is to make a donation in their name – the donation cards usually don’t say how much was donated, so you could simply give a donation of “chai”.
If they don’t have enough class to give a gift it is doubtful u will even get a thank you note for the gift u will give should u choose to do so
personally, i wish giving presents would be abolished as a custom. I find it a very costly proposition. I think i would rather not give and not get. it adds up to thousands of dollars a year and that is just talking about myself. i would come out ahead of the game if we would not give and not get.
The gift is for the kids.
minyan gal~ I tend to agree with you.
(speaking for nowadays….)
I am giving the gift to the couple, not the parents.
that the parents for some reason didn’t give to my children doesn’t come into play.
I do not give according to what the affair is costing the parents… but if I know that making the affair is a real hardship on the parents, I try to give a little more to the couple.
Maybe the reason they didn’t give a gift was because they had to contribute to one of the sheva brochos. Sometimes the neighbors rent out a hall and chip in, so they consider this the gift to the young couple.
I would probably give them a little something, even if they didn’t give for my simcha.
Hashem should bless klal yisroel with many simchas!!!
Its simple. If you are one who feels appropriate to gift, you gift. If you want to match their choice, then you do their will, not your own. It is hard to believe this is a Jewish topic on a Jewish forum.
If for whatever reason someone feels uncomfortable (or doesn’t want to or can’t) give a gift, then maybe send something for the table for the Shabbos Kallah or Shabbos Sheva Brachos. It doesn’t need to be expensive but it says someone remembered they were making a Simcha and wanted to help out.
My problem is what to do it I am invited to the chasunah and then I am asked to contribute money towards a neighborhood sheva brochos. so what do I do, get them a chasunah gift or give $ for sheva brochos. Boruch Hashem I have many simchas. Hard to give both!
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