April 29, 2011 12:52 am at 12:52 am #596513observanteenMember
I saw an obviously pregnant women the other day at the grocery. She had a loaded cart and was at the register to pay. She constantly sighed and really looked weak. Finally, she sat down on a cashier’s chair.
I was debating whether or not I should help her put her stuff on the counter. It didn’t really look like that in particular strained her. By the time I made up my mind, she was almost done. I really felt very uneasy the entire way home (and now still do). I was just shy to help her. (My mother said I should’ve helped her, but I felt really awkward…)
Would you appreciate if I’d help you with that? Or would you feel uncomfortable? I’d really like to know what I should do if it ever happens again.April 29, 2011 4:10 am at 4:10 am #762920BSDMember
Definitely offer help(especially since your trying to shteig) But it’s all in how you do it. If you approach all sympathetic you make her feel like a nebach, and subconsciously that is what makes you uncomfortable offering to help. But if you approach cheerfully, with a big smile and an upbeat “hello can I give you a hand”,I’m sure she’d gratefully accept and you’ll feel good for having offered. But at least your thinking and noticing-that will inevitably lead to doing.April 29, 2011 10:05 am at 10:05 am #762921hanibParticipant
i wouldn’t feel uncomfortable if you offered to help – i’d feel grateful. (even if i wasn’t pregnant; if someone offered to help, wonderful).April 29, 2011 11:39 am at 11:39 am #762922Mother in IsraelMember
Hmmm, maybe it was me you saw? 😉
Seriously though, as someone in the same boat as that woman, I would say that you have no reason to feel guilty, but in the future, you don’t have to worry about making her uncomfortable by offering to help. When I’m feeling really weak and in need of help, I don’t care what people think of me–I would appreciate any help I can get. I’ve had people bring me in a chair in a public place, shlep my groceries, hold my baby, etc. because they could tell that I wasn’t feeling well, and I’ve only felt gratitude toward them. It never makes me uncomfortable when I’m that desperate.April 29, 2011 2:26 pm at 2:26 pm #762923ZeesKiteParticipant
Mother in Israel:
I would think it’s best to politely ask first. Some may feel a bit uncomfortable. One can never know another’s matzav just by looking. Sometimes even after a reply too. Then one must be intuitive. That’s just my very humble (maybe silly too) opinion.April 29, 2011 9:22 pm at 9:22 pm #762924StuffedCabbageParticipant
oh i always have those situations! your debating if you should help and then its too late! so what i usually do is quickly jut ask without thinking to much into it and then in the end im happy i asked whether the help was needed or not…most people will apprieciate it…May 1, 2011 7:46 am at 7:46 am #762925commonsenseParticipant
always offer, the most anyone can do is to say no and as someone who shops herself an a lot I would love if people offered to help me out at times!May 1, 2011 10:30 pm at 10:30 pm #762926Huyde LaHashemMember
Thats a smart way of doing it,stuffed cabbage! you certainly sound like a spunky chap!May 1, 2011 10:34 pm at 10:34 pm #762927StuffedCabbageParticipant
spunk is my middle name. what can i say?May 2, 2011 1:12 pm at 1:12 pm #762928TikkunHatzotMember
“spunk is my middle name. what can i say?”
Mmmm, StuffedSpunkCabbage?…just like momma used to make it.
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