Rushing???

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  • #601908
    yoyo56
    Member

    should ppl rush to get married if they just turned 18???

    #850208
    sushee
    Member

    Yes.

    #850209
    Queen Bee
    Member

    Dude…

    #850210
    rc
    Participant

    boy or girl? if you can get married in this climate, i say go for it!

    #850211
    ED IT OR
    Participant

    no

    yes

    maybe

    What’s the point of your question

    #850212
    yoyo56
    Member

    girl and still in skool

    should she rush in order to be the first one????

    #850213
    OneOfMany
    Participant

    Are you trolling or do you really not know the answer to that?

    #850214
    sushee
    Member

    Yes because its a mitzvah (not necessarily to be first.)

    #850215
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    On average, people who get married younger have longer lasting marriages. Go for it before it’s too late.

    #850216
    rubberbands
    Member

    For a successful marriage you’ll need maturity,confidence,decision making,communication and compromise skills. Each person is unique and I can’t say that someone young 18 yrs old is any more ready than someone 23 yrs old.

    But the younger you are the more emotional, financial and family support you’ll need aside from a supportive, mature,happy,stable husband.

    So I would say don’t date at 18 yrs old (could still be in 12th grade though finish up high school if necessary)

    I tell girls to read Frum dating books to prepare yourself, go to seminary-you’ll have Chinuch,Marriage classes. It’s never to early to go to shuirim and you could listen on Torahanytime.com

    Basically 18 yrs old isn’t too early as long as you’re well aware of what marriage entails.

    #850217
    HolyMoe
    Participant

    If you can’t spell “school”, you should stay in school until you learn how to spell “school”. Then graduate then get married.

    It is no muitzva for a girl to get married. It’s only a mitzva for the boy.

    #850218
    YW Band
    Member

    Rubberbands: You took the words out of my mouth…good job! if everyone will believe that (even boys) then the issue (crisis) can be improved and the mothers of 18-19 year old girls can breathe and not rush into a marriage

    #850219
    yoyo56
    Member

    popa u serious??? i feel in a way that not true bec when they are a bit two young they dont have their heads on straight and so they want t be the first one married

    #850220
    yoyo56
    Member

    i know how to spell ever heard of texting language or shorthand.

    #850221
    wanderingchana
    Participant

    Rushing to get married, rushing to spell “school”… please slow down, and take the time to do both properly.

    #850222
    more
    Member

    popa_bar_abba

    Mildly Retarded, Eccentric Jewish Woman

    “On average, people who get married younger have longer lasting marriages. Go for it before it’s too late.”

    Popa- where’s the source to this?

    #850223
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    Popa- where’s the source to this?

    The latest US Census from 2010.

    People who get married before 20 have average marriage of 52 years, with the median being 58.

    People who get married between 20 and 25 have average marriage of 55 years, with the median being 53.

    #850224
    wanderingchana
    Participant

    Kinda like saying people who live longer, have longer lives than those who don’t…

    #850225
    rubberbands
    Member

    I have many friends who married at 19-20 yrs old have wonderful marriages B”H who I observed during my single yrs (I got married at 23). I also saw the stresses that girls go through on a daily basis-there’s real life involved.

    You have to be ready and well prepared for it. I”YH I wish you Hatzlacha in making the biggest decision of your life!

    #850226
    GoLearnTorah
    Participant

    Why rush 2 b first.. check out a few of your classmates’ weddings and get some good ideas for yours!

    #850227
    Nechomah
    Participant

    What’s the rush, why do they need to be the FIRST? Will that feed their ga’aiva? Isn’t the point of getting married to have a happy marriage with the right person, not to make a mark on their scorecard?

    #850228
    Health
    Participant

    HolyMoe -“It is no muitzva for a girl to get married. It’s only a mitzva for the boy.”

    Actually it’s a Chiyuv for both, not just a Mitzva!

    From Shulchan Aruch.

    #850229
    ED IT OR
    Participant

    I thought girls were not Jewish so how can they have a mitzva!

    ha ha ha LOL what’s this gonna start off

    #850230
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    I thought girls were not Jewish so how can they have a mitzva!

    That’s true. Even the ??? ???? ??? ?? are only for Bnei noach, not for bnos noach.

    #850231
    MDG
    Participant

    People who get married before 20 have average marriage of 52 years, with the median being 58.

    People who get married between 20 and 25 have average marriage of 55 years, with the median being 53.

    First of all, they are pretty close.

    Second of all, if you go by the average, then getting married 20-25 wins.

    But that whole stat is not applicable today. That stat has to be dealing with people that are at least 70, usually well past that. When they got married divorce was not the staggering percent that it is today.

    #850232
    MDG
    Participant

    yoyo,

    How’s this for a trial run at marriage. Try taking care of a baby for a day – feeding, changing, putting to bed, etc. Have the mother not too far away if something unusual comes up.

    Marriage and family life is about helping/caring for others.

    My opinion is that in marriage a couple must have common values and goals. You need to be clear on your values and what you want out of life. Then you can find someone to complement and/or supplement you.

    #850233
    yoyo56
    Member

    mdg first of all im not the one! second i beleive ur wrong abt marriage thats not what its all abt if it was it would be pretty simple theres much more i dont have time to say what its all abt now but i will come back and tell u!

    #850234
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    People who get married before 20 have average marriage of 52 years, with the median being 58.

    People who get married between 20 and 25 have average marriage of 55 years, with the median being 53.

    First of all, they are pretty close.

    Second of all, if you go by the average, then getting married 20-25 wins.

    But that whole stat is not applicable today. That stat has to be dealing with people that are at least 70, usually well past that. When they got married divorce was not the staggering percent that it is today.

    First, I made a mistake and the numbers should be reversed in the first category

    Second, I made the whole thing up.

    #850235
    greatest
    Member

    Chazal suggest getting married at 18. While this is not written in stone, the suggestions is neither a minimum nor a maximum. One could get married younger than 18 (and still fulfill this Chazal since they are married by 18) or a bit older (since it isn’t a strict halachic requirement.)

    #850236
    Health
    Participant

    greatest -For men. For girls it’s 12.

    #850237
    MDG
    Participant

    yoyo said:

    “mdg first of all im not the one! second i beleive ur wrong abt marriage…”

    I realize that there are many opinions. I gave mine.

    We can agree to disagree and still be agreeable.

    #850238
    yoyo56
    Member

    mdg:

    marriage is not only about being able to take care of a baby there is much more to it commitment and many more things that is definitely one aspect but that’s not the most imp. its also abt trust. you can have a twelve yr old take care of a bunch of kids does that mean she can get married?!?!? obviously not there is much more to marriage than just taking care of kids. there is much more a woman as the “builder” of the house has to take care of. im not married and so i dont know that much but it def entails much more!

    #850239
    writersoul
    Member

    If you get engaged during high school then depending on your school you may get kicked out. I know that that’s the case in my school. You’ll then have to get a GED if you ever want to get a degree or a decent job. And even that isn’t always considered as good as a diploma.

    Either way, if the question is really “should she rush in order to be the first one” then absolutely not. If you’re getting married just for the sake of being first then you need a big reevaluation of priorities. If that’s just incidental and not the reason behind it then there is no way to say anything without knowing you personally. I don’t want to make generalizations. What I said here is based solely on the tone from your posts.

    Good luck with whatever happens!

    Oh and I just realized that you’re not talking about yourself. In that case, please change the word “you” to the word “one”. 🙂

    #850240
    yoyo56
    Member

    writerssoul im guessing that she would or in that case neone would wait till graduation and then get engaged

    #850241
    MDG
    Participant

    yoyo,

    I agree marriage is about trust, commitment, love, etc (all that stuff in the Ketubah). That’s is what I see as the “positive”. That’s the glue that keeps couples together. OTOH, there is stuff that un-glues, like all the stress, most notably raising children (which includes the parnassah needed).

    Speaking of commitment, raising children, IMHO, takes more commitment and sacrifice than marriage. Marriage is (or should be) a two-way street, whereas with children, you give and give. Often without a thank you, and sometimes you get hostility for all your good efforts.

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