Home › Forums › Decaffeinated Coffee › Safek whether a woman bentched (bonus true story at the end)
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July 25, 2013 2:51 am at 2:51 am #610157rationalfrummieMember
There is an unresolved safek in the gemara in berachos by if women are chayav midioraisa or midarabanan in benching. A nafka minah in this is that if a woman isn’t sure whether she bentched, what should she do? If her chiyuv is dioraisa, she should bentch since its safek dioraisa l’chumrah. if rabanan, l’hakhel. However, it’s also a berachah that is a dioraisa, so there is an intersection of a berachah, which in safek is l’hakhel, and a dioraisa, which is l’chumrah in safek scenario. Therefore, there is a sfek sfeikah. So what should a girl do?
True story behind the Question: I was asked this question last week on a shidduch. I told the girl that there is a safek over what a woman’s chiyuv is in bentching, and therefore she shouldn’t, because there are many rayahs brought in the aruch hashulchan around o.c. 187, for example, why their chiyuv is dirabanan. Because she was modern, that wasn’t a good feminist answer, so I had to impress her with my epic halachic knowledge 🙂 and told her how rabbi akiva eiger says women can make kiddush and motzi men, and that this gemara strictly applies to bentching, while dagul mirvava disagrees.
July 25, 2013 3:43 am at 3:43 am #967491jewishfeminist02MemberWell, don’t leave us hanging! Are you seeing her again? 🙂
July 25, 2013 3:57 am at 3:57 am #967492oomisParticipantSo you were being farhered on the date BY your date?????? I think a nice dinner in a restaurant would have been a good alternative.
July 25, 2013 5:29 am at 5:29 am #967493rationalfrummieMemberjf- haha, I was indeed notified by persons involved that I would be seeing her again :).
oomis- I’m with you on that one! I always thought you keep it light on the first date…
July 25, 2013 6:16 am at 6:16 am #967494jewishfeminist02MemberWho says this didn’t happen at a nice dinner in a restaurant? They have to talk about something, right? I have definitely had halachic and/or intellectual conversations with shidduch dates. Actually, my husband and I discussed kavod hameis on our very first date. (Admittedly, we were not in a restaurant).
July 25, 2013 2:07 pm at 2:07 pm #967495rebdonielMemberRationalfrummie, If it is G-d’s will, and if it’s kedai, may it come to fruition.
And my $0.02 here: Because we’re concerned with making a berakha levatala, and because birkat hamazon may be a de oraita for a woman, but nonetheless a safek, a woman should not recite it again herself, but should instead listen to Birkat Hamazon being recited by a man or woman who have eaten bread and have not yet recited it while having in mind to fulfill her own obligation. The other person should likewise have in mind to exempt the woman listening with his/her recitation.
July 25, 2013 2:36 pm at 2:36 pm #967496oomisParticipantJF2, I am happy you had a great conclusion to that first date. Somehow, talking about that subject would not be conducive to a first date in my book (though I would probably be interested in such a discussion in the course of getting to know someone over time).
RF – enjoy.
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