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July 28, 2008 7:02 pm at 7:02 pm #1236516
The following was submitted to YWN via email:
Hi, I wrote the below in hopes that some one else can learn from one persons experience.
Chaim goes through life like any other person. He goes to elementary school gets in to the trouble. He goes on to Mesivta, then Beis medrash and becomes a real talmud chacum. He is known as a great bochur and gets a considerably good shiduch. He goes on in life to raise a nice frum family with frum children. He is very happy with his life and passes on from this world. He comes up to the olam ha-emes and is awaiting his reward. The scale is brought before him and a list of things he has done is put on the scale. He is proud of what he has accomplished in his life. He raised frum children, learnt a lot of Torah in his life and has done well. He is very shocked when he see’s that he is being all of a sudden facing murder, never getting married, stealing and many other things that he has never ever done in his life? Where did he go wrong? What did he do? We can all speculate as to what has happened in his life to cause him to be brought up on such charges.
Here is another story similar to the one above. For the sake of saving time we can use the story above and set this mans profession to being in chinuch. He was a dedicated rebbi and did what he learnt on the job.
So what went wrong? Lets take a closer look at the story. Some facts are missing. There was another boy in Chaim’s class that the boys would pick on. Children are children and they can be harsh. Chaim never paid attention to what he did as a child and went on with his life.
Now lets take a closer look at to what happened to this boy, will call him Boruch. To the average person kids will be kids and it is something of the past. Boruch suffered tormenting for several years by his peers. This left a big dent in his psychological growth. The school re-assured him that the issues would be resolved but they were not. This caused many issues between his parents as to what to do with him. They decided to move him to another school. Being that he was “psychologically damaged” he did not do well on school and then bounced from yeshivah to yeshiah labeled as a “problem child”. Eventually he dropped out of school. After all he was labeled as a “problem child”. Ever he went people looked at him as a nebach child. They would feel bad for Boruch’s parents. Oy nebach that they have such a chilled they would say. Boruch eventually came around to get a good job but never fully recovered. Certain things that were etched in his mind from the time he was a child stayed with him forever. He is at an older stage in his live, not stable and not married. Most of his friends are married with children of their own sheping their own nachas. They invite Boruch over because they feel bad for him. Countless of hours of therapy and tens of thousands of dollars later he is doing a bit better but still struggling.
Now we understand a bit better the “charges” being brought against Chaim. Lets have a look at some of them
We have no right to judge what hashem does and why people get treated the way they do. We can never ask questions as to why he does what he does but we can ask:
1) How can parents who have been told that their child is tormenting others write it off as “children will be children”. What happened to the parents responsibility to teach their children kovod habrios.
2) How can society label a child as a”problem child” without knowing what he went through? Instead of seeing him in his downward spiral and saying oy nebach how about looking at the root of the issue?
3) How can a rebbi decide what the child’s issue is and try to take care of it by embrace him in front of entire class to teach him a lesson.
4) How can society reject such a person instead of embracing him and trying to help him?
5) How can yeshivos throw him to the curb because they can not “deal with him”.
There are many “Boruch’s” out there in the world. Be it being tormented as a child or another issue in their life. Are we to just let them fall by the way side? As a mature adult reading this you will say to yourself, me do this? Never!! Think back to your child hood. Was there any one that you picked on? Where is this boy or girl today? What ever happened to him or her? Where are they in life? Did you ever ask forgiveness? Do you think they can forgive you after all of it?
If there is one thing that can be learnt from this listen to your children. If such an issue arises it can be averted with the proper measures. If you see a “nebach child” the last thing he wants is for you to look at him different (although acting out can be a cry for attention). Don’t you think his family has enough of a “problem” on their hands? They don’t need any more labeling than they already have. Next time you see a “Boruch”, when you get home say a bit of tehilim for him. It can go a long way. Join in with his mothers tears.
This in no way is to undermine other people’s problems in life but I think whether a child has been tormented as a child, lost a parent, has a physical disability we should teach our children (and our selves) to treat each yid with respect. We were all create B’Tzelem Elokim and no one should be looked down upon because of what they went though in their life.
Instead of letting out a cry of oy nebeach, pull out a tehilim and join this holly neshama in his pain.
The above is not at all a dramatization or a great play but the actual events of one person’s life. There are many other precious neshomos out there that go through this. Something has to be done.
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