January 31, 2013 10:06 pm at 10:06 pm #608027YentaParticipant
Should people be saying Good Shabbos to those of the opposite gender?January 31, 2013 10:09 pm at 10:09 pm #1010696ConfuciousMember
No.January 31, 2013 10:10 pm at 10:10 pm #1010697
deja vu so much deja vu hereJanuary 31, 2013 10:11 pm at 10:11 pm #1010698YW Moderator-007Moderator
Oy Pritzus!!!January 31, 2013 10:12 pm at 10:12 pm #1010699January 31, 2013 10:13 pm at 10:13 pm #1010700FerdParticipant
In some neighborhoods, if you even say good Shabbos to someone passing by, you get this disgusting dirty look, as if you just exited a treif restaurant.
You guys know what I am talking about….sure you do.January 31, 2013 10:15 pm at 10:15 pm #1010701
The answer is it’s a machlokes haposters
(Perhaps the question should be how many threads were written about this topic in the past)January 31, 2013 10:25 pm at 10:25 pm #1010702WolfishMusingsParticipant
I say Good Shabbos to everyone Jew* I pass in the street.
I also say Good Morning (or Afternoon or Evening, as appropriate) to every non-Jew I pass* in the street.
* With certain exceptions — if they’re engrossed in conversation, for example, I won’t interrupt.January 31, 2013 10:27 pm at 10:27 pm #1010703Shraga18Participant
nonononononooooooooo please dont start this topic again…!!!
MODS please close this before we have another allout war between the “leftist modern shkotzim” and the “right-wing irrational fanatics”, which as we all know are the only two types of people in this forum.
no.January 31, 2013 11:37 pm at 11:37 pm #1010704
Ask your rav but i think that it shld b okay if yr justsaying good shbs and moving on. Out of town they do it but not in Brooklyn bec ppl in Brooklyn aren’t niceFebruary 1, 2013 12:08 am at 12:08 am #1010705MorahRachMember
Omgggg I am officially done. Ask your Rav? If you honestly can’t decide for yourself then just don’t say good shabbos. I feel like I am in a different world I really am so confused as to the thinking that goes into some of these threads. I’m so sorry if this is a mean post I just don’t understand. I get so frustrated. You are all here mingling with the opposite gender, and your spouses probably don’t know. I don’t care because I do talk to people of the opposite gender in real life wether it be for work or some other social function, but I know that many of you don’t. You hate people that don’t serve Hashem the exact same way as you think they should, and no one can wipe their own nose without asking a Rav’s permission. Oyyyy I do enjoy a lot about this site besides the great news articles but, I think the time may have come.February 1, 2013 1:38 am at 1:38 am #1010706
I had a teacher in school(a man) who told us that on sunny shabbos afternoons he would go for walks and often would pass high school girls. He would say ‘good shabbos’ but the girls would completely ignore him and walk right past. He would turn around and yell ‘I said good shabbos!’ prompting the girls to sheepishly turn around and mumble good shabbos.
It is plain rude to ignore someone when they speak to you.
How would you feel if you greeted someone and they acted as if you didn’t exist? And how much more so would it hurt if that person was a relative of yours, a cousin or great aunt? If one of your Jewish brothers or sisters wishes you a good shabbos it is only polite to respond in kind.
Greet everyone(boy or girl)with a pleasant smile and friendly hello. Such a simple thing will get you very far in life and make you well liked by others.February 1, 2013 1:47 am at 1:47 am #1010707
That yelling teacher needs medication.
Greeting girls on the street is the old fashioned method of flirting.February 1, 2013 2:01 am at 2:01 am #1010708akupermaParticipant
There is no problem not saying good Shabbos to a passerby if you know her (for a man). The issue arises if it is a total stranger. If you said “Gut Shabbos” to everyone you pass in a place like Boro Park you would end up greeting so many people you wouldn’t get to walk anywhere. In smaller cities most people assume they know, or should know everyone, and everyone tends to greet all Jewish passerbys since it would be insulting not to pretend you know them.February 1, 2013 2:02 am at 2:02 am #1010709
Politeness in our society is so far gone that holding a door for someone or offering to carry bags for them is considered ‘flirting’.
Obviously it depends where you are. If you are in the heart of willaimsburg then you should not stop and greet everyone as it is not the custom of the place but saying good shabbos to someone when you pass them on the street is proper manners and good middos.February 1, 2013 2:44 am at 2:44 am #1010710
*passersbyFebruary 1, 2013 2:49 am at 2:49 am #1010711
Flirting in our society has become so routine, that all too often people are easily blinded by it.February 1, 2013 3:22 am at 3:22 am #1010712SaysMeMember
luna- ”it is plain rude to ignore someone when they speak to you.” i do not greet men with good shabbos personally. However, if he initiates the greeting, i do respond in kind though!
Feel free to take me to task on this part, but i dont greet strangers during the week, whether male or female. I will sometimes smile or nod, but thats it. Shabbos is my exception in ‘don’t talk to strangers’, so i greet females, but not males or non-jews. Maybe thats just my comfort level though.February 1, 2013 3:56 am at 3:56 am #1010713
Morahrach- WHY DOES EERY THREAD HAVE TO B ABOUT APPROPIATE/OFF TOPIC ENOUGH SO U DPNT LIKE IT DON’T READ THE COFFEE ROOM (u shunt b proud that u talk to opposite gender)
******everyone please don’t comment about what she said let’s try to stay on topic otherise it ends up beingthe same thing….get into a “heated” argument/discussion and then thread closes so forget it ignore this response STAY ON TOPIC!!*********
(mods please let this thru)February 1, 2013 4:02 am at 4:02 am #1010714
Thelitvishe…- not true just saying a simple good shbs (don’t need to smile or hi good shbs..) and walking away just GOOD SHABBOS that’s it thts fine everywhere besides in Brooklyn ppl greet/ whish eachother…..was in Scranton with skwl for shbs not one person young (4+) or old (80…) ddnt say good shbs! Such a kiddush Hashem goyim stopped teacher and commented on e/o being nice to each other and “greeting” eachother even if u dont know them KIDDUSH HASHEM!!! ur accomplishing at least 2 mitzvos 1) saying good shbs 2) kiddush HashemFebruary 1, 2013 4:03 am at 4:03 am #1010715ThePurpleOneMember
i think everyone shud say a polite good shabbos nothin too major bt no yeshiva guys sayin 2 hs girls… bt 40 yr old men to 15 yr old girls- ttly fine just keep it short and polite and refined..February 1, 2013 4:05 am at 4:05 am #1010716ThePurpleOneMember
and omg of course grown up ladies shud say good shabbos 2 girls and other ladies.. doesnt matter if they x know them..February 1, 2013 4:50 am at 4:50 am #1010717
Even a yeshivah(ish) boy can just say good shbs donteven have to look up
Mods why didn’t u let my other thing go in for morahrach please doFebruary 1, 2013 5:19 am at 5:19 am #1010718oomisParticipant
Hevei makdim es kol heodom b’Shalom, (especially on Shabbos when we are all outside together).February 1, 2013 5:19 am at 5:19 am #1010719
ok, so you dont have to initiate the “good shabbos” if you dont want to, but in boro park, if you say good shabbos to someone, they comletely ignore you! me and my friend were walking, and 1 out of 16 people replied!February 1, 2013 5:24 am at 5:24 am #1010720
Wow, you actually said it to 16 people even after you saw 15 wouldn’t respond??February 1, 2013 5:42 am at 5:42 am #1010721
Obviously not, as she said she said “Good Shabbos” to sixteen people – not thirty-one.February 1, 2013 5:44 am at 5:44 am #1010722
yup. my friend lives in flatbush,and there evryone replies, so she was so shocked, she kept on trying, just to make sureFebruary 1, 2013 5:47 am at 5:47 am #1010723
oneofmany, whats thats supposed to mean? so what that it wasnt 31>February 1, 2013 5:48 am at 5:48 am #1010724
Okay, that makes all the difference.February 1, 2013 6:01 am at 6:01 am #1010726
even the guys, i mean, when a girl says good shabbos, is it better to ignore them and make a chilul hashem, or reply, and people might think bad about you for talking to a girl? i think the latter is betterFebruary 1, 2013 6:02 am at 6:02 am #1010727superstarMember
So Yenta here’s the solution: If you’re a flirter, you cannot say Good Shobbos to the opposite gender. If you don’t, then we all give you permission.February 1, 2013 6:09 am at 6:09 am #1010728
and what you said about flirting litveshe, if the young israel guys say good shabbos, THEN is when a girl shouldnt reply. that is flirting.when you walk by a group of them and they all laugh and whistle and call out good shabbos. that is the time when you dont replyFebruary 1, 2013 6:09 am at 6:09 am #1010729
I was commenting on the poor logical structure of Joseph’s post.February 1, 2013 6:22 pm at 6:22 pm #1010733MorahRachMember
Supreme, did I say I’m proud I speak to the opposite gender, or did I say for work etc I do? Oy ill just send a note to my boss/accountant/doctor/parents of my students that a man in the coffee room who loves talking I girls on the computer told me I can no longer speak to you. That’s the ticket!February 1, 2013 6:48 pm at 6:48 pm #1010734
In my opinion, it depends on the community you’re in. In some communities they consider it flirting, in some communities that’s the norm. Remember, Bruia chastised a Tanna for speaking to her two extra words. So in a community where it’s not done, they may consider it flirting. In a community where it’s done, to not do so would be snobbing, rude. That’s my opinion.February 1, 2013 6:55 pm at 6:55 pm #1010735
In some communities bantering and joking with the opposite gender might not be considered flirting. In other communities holding hands might not be considered flirting. And in other communities giving a hug or kiss on the cheek might not be considered flirting.February 1, 2013 7:01 pm at 7:01 pm #1010736
I only say it to women, but I say it to all women, and wish non-Jewish women a good day.
I will respond if a man wishes me Good Shabbos.
This is not flirting, it’s being polite.February 1, 2013 7:08 pm at 7:08 pm #1010737
If you’re the type of person who doesn’t want to talk with the opposite gender the don’t go up to people and initiate a conversation but if you are walking and someone wishes you a good shabbos you shouldn’t ignore them and act like they are invisible. It might really hurt the other person (Especially if they are more modern and don’t fully understand why you won’t reply)
I feel that when wishing someone a good shabbos is like saying “I hope you have a good shabbos full of rest and inspiration and can recharge for the week ahead” (in just fewer words) why would you ignore a bracha like that(even if from the opposite gender)?February 1, 2013 7:15 pm at 7:15 pm #1010738zahavasdadParticipant
There is a big difference between saying good shabbos and hugging and kissing.
But I agree dont do it in Borough Park, nobody will answer back even if they are the same gender as youFebruary 1, 2013 7:31 pm at 7:31 pm #1010739
ZD, Kindly don’t besmirch an entire community. I’ve greeted and been greeted to in the past, in BP. (I’m not in BP proper, as I’ve mentioned numerous times). I intend to test you out again, IY”H in a few hours.February 1, 2013 7:41 pm at 7:41 pm #1010740SaysMeMember
zk- i’ll second that. I wish women in boro park good shabbos and have gotten some silence, and many wishes back.
But no, dont wish gut shabbos to the opposite gender in bp. I think this is a safe example of where minhag hamakom may come into play 🙂February 3, 2013 2:27 am at 2:27 am #1010741
Just fyi, I live in BP and said Good Shabbos to everyone I passed, granted I only walked a block and a half to Shul this Shabbos, but even though I look “litvish” in that I wear a bend down and no beard, (NO BEARD?! YES, NO BEARD) I received a good Shabbos back from EVERYONE. You should know that most people will not be the first to say the good Shabbos, but if you say good Shabbos I think 99.99% will respond with a gut shabbos.February 3, 2013 2:47 am at 2:47 am #1010742
WIY: By everyone, do you include girls? Because I’d be surprised if they responded in BP. There is exactly one man on my block who says Good Shabbos to girls (he’s a mechanech and a real character) and I’m like the only person who responds.February 3, 2013 2:55 am at 2:55 am #1010743☕ DaasYochid ☕Participant
I once tried it as well, and every adult answered “good Shabbos” as well as most kids (the ones who didn’t just seemed shy, not impolite). I concluded that the stereotype is probably wrong.February 3, 2013 2:55 am at 2:55 am #1010744oomisParticipant
Remember, Bruia chastised a Tanna for speaking to her two extra words. “
I believe (correct me if I am wrong) that the person Bruriah thus chastised was himself a vocal proponent of the idea of not speaking too much to a woman. She was likely giving him some sarcastic mussar.
It is NOT flirting or conversation with the opposite gender to day Good Shabbos as you walk by. If you stopped and continued the conversation, it possibly could be construed as such, if that is what one insists on thinking. But certainly not so, in passing.February 3, 2013 3:03 am at 3:03 am #1010745☕ DaasYochid ☕Participant
I am not aware of any opinion which disputes “al tarbeh sichah.”February 3, 2013 3:15 am at 3:15 am #1010746
Oomis, honestly I don’t know about your first statement.
About your second one, again, I’ll just posit that it matters where one finds oneself. In one community it’s just proper to do so, rude not to. In another it’s flirting, an extra word or attention extended to the opposite gender.
If I recall, there’s a woman in the Torah named “Shlomis bas Divri”, I think Chazal say she was accustomed to greeting all (even men) in the street “Shalom alach, Shalom alach”. It didn’t do good for her.February 3, 2013 4:05 am at 4:05 am #1010747
I don’t say good Shabbos to girls however I am a mentch and would respond to a girl who wished me a good Shabbos. But it doesn’t happen in borough park lol.February 3, 2013 4:15 am at 4:15 am #1010748
WIY: I’m sure it doesn’t.
The question is, what to do when tznius and politeness seem to conflict?
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